Should parents pay towards Daughters 2nd marriage?

[lilacben]

My daughter is getting married again to her partner of 11 years. they have three children. Should we pay towards it this time ? As she had the full big wedding thing the 1st time and we paid a lot towards it. I have told her I will make the wedding cake for them.She is 38.

[lilacben]

Sorry havent been back on here sooner. I told my daughter from the start we wouldn't pay for another wedding. At first she said it wasn't her fault , her husband left her for someone else. Then I said neither was we.!! Now they are engaged and making arrangements she has not said much, except about how much everything is costing. She has said being as it is her partners first marriage should they ask his mum and dad. I won't tell you what I said. Now his mum has phoned to say they havent got much but will pay towards something. That now is making us feel guilty. Our other daughter got married 8 years ago and they didnt ask for anything. They made all the arrangments first then told us. We did pay towards it the same as we had for her sister.

[bednobs]

talk about emotional blackmail!

[redcrx]

perhaps she should ask her ex for a refund then.

my parents paid half of my wedding. I have since divorced and one day will remarry (im 38 too) but even knowing that my parents could afford another wedding for me i certainly wouldnt contemplate asking.

[lumination]

just do the cake. she is 38 for frggin sake! and you helped out the first time!

[carmalee]

then I think the cake and your support is brilliant - you set out the terms at the start which was sensible so it isn't as if you are backing out on a promise. Stick to your guns, we can't always have want we want in life. I hope the couple will be happy with a simple wedding and be grateful they have their families around to share - lots of couples don't.

[chrissa1]

My parents paid for my only wedding 35 years ago because that was the "done thing" in those days.
If I was in a similar situation say 15 years ago, I wouldn't expect my parents to pay for another wedding. Damn Cheek if you ask me.

[trt]

Seeing its her 2nd marriage I would have thought she would have it in a registrar.
A bit embarrassing to have it in a church in IMO.

[Barmaid]

My parents paid for my first wedding. For my second wedding (a small civil ceremony) we are choosing and paying for it ourselves. We would not dream of asking them for a contribution. In fact, we are even requesting no gifts. Neither of us think it appropriate second time round. I think your suggestion of making the cake is a lovely personal one.

Mind you, if the FH doesn't buck his ideas up, it'll be a funeral he needs.

[chelle7272]

You've had some good advice here, and if i can add, as she has been with this person 11 years they have plenty of time to save toward a wedding!

[lotsafun]

if they want to get married then they should pay for it, simple really. You offering to do the cake and take on that expence is a generous enough gift in itself.

[Mosaic]

No.

[jomifl]

If you don't run her life you don't have to pay for it.

[TWR]

She is taking the pzzz Lilacben, tell her that you are thinking of going on hol & could she help with the money!

[TheOtherHalf]

I would never have dreamed of asking my parents to pay for my first wedding, as I knew they had no money. My OH and me paid for everything and we were only 22.. Wedding on a shoestring but everyone enjoyed it and we are still together after 36 years so when I think of all the money some people spend and get divorced soon after, its ridiculous. Theres no need to splash out

[carmalee]

just another point - after 11 years surely a very simple ceremony is enough - or is the actually getting married more important than being married?

[boxtops]

Good point carmalee. You don't have to spend shedloads on a wedding anyway - when OH and got married 6 years back, we planned it all ourselves within the budget we had to set ourselves, we still had a fantastic time. Family were generous, someone paid for the cake as our wedding present, someone else bought some wine, someone else paid for the registrar - but we were grateful for that help, we certainly didn't expect it.

[lilacben]

Thankyou to you all. The date is set now. And now I am feeling a lot better knowing my thoughts on it is shared with others. The cake I will make and our love will go with it. As for any money........think I will save for our next year holiday as my hubby and I will have been married 40 years in August. Think we will tell them it is our second honeymoon.!! LOL xx

[bimbo123456]

These days the bride's parents are not so involved. Let them sort it out themselves. YOu are saving them a lot by doing the cake...they can be £400!!!

[chrissa1]

Good for you lilac.