sent with no shoes

[mollykins]

We were on skype to my brother last night and he said that often when he goes to pick his three year old daughter up from his ex-partners house, she is sending her out with less and less stuff.

Before, she was fully clothed (although they often looked like pyjamas!), with a coat and shoes but no overnight stuff ie definate pyjamas or toilettries! Which we thought was bad enough. But now my brother is saying she is often sent outside to him, without a coat or shoes on!

He isn't keeping her stuff, infact it's the otherway round, a few times (although he's stopped) he's had to put her in clean clothes the next day plus send her back with the dirty ones from yesterday else her mum would flip, saying he was stealing. the clean clothes of which, he never gets back.

What can he do.

[Bobbisox]

is this when he has access to the little girl Molly?

[ummmm]

Pay more maintenance so she can afford more cloths...

Keep clothes at his and send her back in what she arrived in..

[mollykins]

He pays his ex roughly £1000 a month, isn't that enough?

[mollykins]

Yes bobbi, he gets her a day during the week and friday to saturday, when he's in England, which is on and off 4 weeks at a time.

[Bobbisox]

yes it is Molly, why doesn't he keep the things he buys her at his house, then change her into her mums stuff to go home

[mollykins]

And that's not as much as he was paying. Since he had a baby with his current partner, they reduced what he had to give to his ex.

[mollykins]

Cos his ex would have a go at him for sending her home in dirty clothes, and they havent got a tumble dryer to clean and dry the stuff with in time.

[ummmm]

£1000 a month...yeah right.

[Brinjal]

Yes keep clothes at his place and send her back in what she arrived in. Does the little soul have decent things to wear when she is at home with her mum. Does the mum have money issues and is selling off her things. This is what happened with a friend. He would buy his daughter clothes and things and the mother who had a drink problem would sell the clothes and toys and and dad would have to start again. Eventually he got custody of his daughter

[Bobbisox]

he must work off-shore maybe?
regardless of the money issue the child is the most important person in this, he just needs to do what has been suggested Molly

[sadielady]

This happened to a friend of ours. In the end he kept clothes, shoes, jammies for her at his house so they were there when needed. He said he hated sending her back in the clothes she came in but when he asked the school about her clothing he was told she always came properly and warmly dressed. He decided it was just another way for her mum getting more and more money from him apart from the very generous maintenance he was already paying

[Dris]

I used to look after my 'friends' kids overnight when she did a night shift.She used to drop them off in the filthiest clothes with no nappies, clean clothes or even food.I didnt mind feeding them but I had them for 24 hrs (she had to sleep after the shift) twice or three times a week and they were hungry horses.Strangely I couldnt find the guts to tell her to leave stuff as she would have taken a huff and would have said if its a problem then i'll get someone else -like made an issue.
So I can see how difficult it is to broach the subject as its almost accusing but since he's the dad then i'd suggest he keeps clothes at his place for her and then wash and change her back into the clothes she came in when she goes back..

[Bobbisox]

doc this would depend on what wages he earned

[mollykins]

he works offshore on oil or gas rigs. I think the amount before was just over 1000 and now it's just under.

[mollykins]

Plus would he have to pay more, because his ex lives on her own and isn't working?

[Bobbisox]

that's irrelevant Molly and his business, but it could be solved with keeping stuff at his house

[bednobs]

""yes thanks everyone for your advice, what a good idea .... instead of making this thread longer and longer but supplying totally irrelavent pieces of minutiae about mine/my brother's life, i am going to take your advice and pass it on. wow thanks for solving this dilemma, you are all great""

[mollykins]

But what kind of a person sends their 3 year old out in the autumn with no shoes or coat, in clothes that are probably actually pyjamas?

[bednobs]

Your question wasn't about what sort of person the mum is though.
my question to you would be what sort of person allows their 3 year old to be "sent out" to them (i presume he sits in his warm car while the 3 year old comes from the house?) if the mum comes with her to the car, why dosen't your brother just say "where is her shoes and coat, luv?" Why is your bro not man enough to actually pick her up from the door and ask the same question, or say "can i have some extra clothes please"?? Seriously if HE can't sort it out, how can we?
My other question to you is why do you NEVER say thanks for all the replies you get to your questions? (personally i think it's because "thanks" would be quite final,and deny you the opportunity to spin the thread out for days and days)