visiting grandparents

[jb190281]

my baby isn't even born yet and this is stressing me out!!

mother in law lives 40 min drive away but she doesn't drive so we go to her. my parents live 2 hour drive away but they drive so have ability to visit more.
MIL has 3 other grandchildren; this will be my parents' first.

my problem is.. i just know MIL will feel left out, but I know my folks will drive here and make more of an effort. also, claws out, I want them to be closer to the child cos they're just more loving. I'm going to spending a lot of my time alone with the baby cos of OH's work patterns, is it selfish of me to want my mum to be more involved?

I don't know if I'm even expecting answers, i just wanted to vent!!

[sherrardk]

Hi JB - I think you are entitled to be as self-centred as you choose. I have gotten passed the whole 'what will so-and-so' think/feel/say about me. It's you baby and your life - there's no need to be outright rude or mean but sod them. Do what makes you happy and enjoy your time with the little one.

[carmalee]

Course you want your Mum - I wanted my Mum when I was preggy and my daughter wanted me but due to living on different continents at the time, we both had to settle for in laws - both were absolutely brilliant as it happened. You aren't a million miles away from either and babies are very portable so make a plan and don't exclude either g/parents - both sets are invaluable so embrace them and stop stressing! you are pregnant - rejoice! good luck

[jb190281]

thanks sherrard. if it was down to me, baby would never see MIL but OH has said he doesn't want the baby to have a better relationship with one set. I think I'm gonna have be blunt with him but it'll turn into an argument

[chrissa1]

My in-laws lived in Malta when our 2 were born. My parents lived 15 miles away and babysat and visited all the time. Both my children have admitted now, 30 years on, that they loved my parents more. It's sad but it's a fact that this will probably happen but you're not being selfish.

[sherrardk]

HI JB - I'm not saying to exclude them or anything but your OH is not around a lot and you've both yet to experience what it is actually like to have a baby (yes, they are very portable but routine is really important if you actually want any sleep, etc). Just see how things pan out - your hormones are going mental at the moment so OH is never going to get very far in a 'discussion'. We moved nearer to my parents 3 years ago and never actually saw them any more than we did before the move.

[ttfn]

Hello jb - good to see you. Of course you are not selfish. I cannot think of a better or more necessary time for a girl to want her mum. It is not as if it will be to the exclusion of your MIL anyway. I bet your parents will be so happy for you ♥

[askyourgran]

I think the MIL should realise that you would naturally want your Mum to be there for you JB, She knows that this will be her first grandchild and she would surely expect that you will involve your own mother first. Just try to involve your MIL as well, and be happy with their offers of help.

[jb190281]

sherrard, my hormones are raging at the moment! I left work furious about something, arrived home in tears, and have hardly stopped since!

ttfn, nice to see you, hope you're well? you know what I'm like with the outlaw, but deep down, I'd never want to hurt her. I just know my own mum will be such the doting grandma - she's even offering to stay with me when I'm due in case I go into labour when OH is on a shift. she just wants to be involved bless her

[ttfn]

Not bad ta jb. Sounds like your mum is spot on there. It is the most natural way for things to work for you too. Hope your dad is good in the kitchen at home ;o)

[sherrardk]

Hi JB - at least you know that you are crying because of the hormones (whatever is bothering you - forget about it, it's not important in the scheme of things). Also wanted to say, if you are going to be on your own a lot when the baby comes, you must make the effort to go for walks, etc. I've been there and it can really get you down so just get out (unless it's bucketing it down). x

[carmalee]

jb - chill out and stop stressing - you will have your baby, you will be a good mum and bambi will skip through the forest - a lot of us have been where you are now and come out the other side. go to Mothercare and look at the pretties!!!!

[jb190281]

I need a holiday and a stiff drink...

[ttfn]

In that order jb? You haven't got my thirst then ♥

[carmalee]

holiday good - stiff drink bad

[sherrardk]

I was stressed out of my head for the whole of my first pregnancy and the actual birth and I really think it made the birth more 'traumatic' (longer, stressful, etc). Just try to relax (not easy, I know). It'll be brilliant (I love babies).

[jb190281]

have one on my behalf ttfn would ya?!

[ttfn]

Just because it is you jb - only you!

[jb190281]

what do u drink ttfn? just so I can be sick with envy!!

[FoxLee2]

I don't know why you call your mother-in-law 'the outlaw' but it might be worth bearing in mind that if you have a son, one day you could have a daughter-in-law; think about how you would like to be treated by her.

[ttfn]

Currently emptying a bottle of Courvoisier jb :o)