Son shows agression towards me

[Boobars]

My ex and myself are going through a bit of rocky waters as The CSA contacted him regarding payment. As he has not paid anything for 9 months and now I need to claim social job hours have been cut.

My son is 12 and seems to listen to the twoddle that his father feeds him and is not intersted in myside of the story it seems EVER, he is a very young insecure 12 year old child, I have tried to boost his confidence and make him secure, and this is going okay apart from anything to do with me and his dad.

He seems to listen to his dads side but when I want my say he goes of on one and basically puts fingers in ears. He father is not telling him the whole truth and is twisting it . I am wondering if my son will ever listen to my side or will he always show me the disrespect and contempt that he is doing so at present. I know he doesnt fully understand and is scared.

Would like to hear if anyone else is in simular circomstances.

[Barmaid]

Oh I do sympathise. THis is a similar situation with my partner and his ex who feeds the kids all kinds of crap.

One of the problems you are facing is the fact that dad is telling him nonsense and you naturally want to redress the balance. Unfortunately, when parents do this, it does inevitably leave the child feeling unsettled and confused and not knowing who to believe. Putting his fingers in his ears is probably his way of saying "I don't want to know, I don't want to hear this". Understandably so. I don't think it is you, it is the situation.

However, by completely ignoring it I think you will fare much better. Since I came on the scene, I have persuaded my FH not to "call" their mother in front of the children; or in fact discuss any of the things their mother does or says. Slowly we are winning the battle.

Something else I did was to contact the NSPCC and get details of a local charity so that the children had a form of counselling. The Family Mediation Service may also be able to help.

http://www.nfm.org.uk/

I do wish you the best of luck.

[Boobars]

red helen - he is not hitting me he is just loud and writes not very pleasent things he also sometimes smashes things outside against the floor.

Barmaid - I try not to say anything apart from there are two sides, though it is hard I am just scared that he will hate me and believe everything his dad says his dad shows no respect for me infront of the children or when I am not around.

He is a very sad man ! My concern are my children, My son actually does half time 50 50 with each parent, and now that the CSA has got hold of my ex and is making him pay for child that is with me full time he is saying that he cannot afford to keep him and made a right scene out side my house, my ex does things to shock and it is REALLY SHOCKING. My youngest see that I give the stability however my eldest the more imature of the two is the one I am concerned with. Lets hope it is hormones and that not to much damaged will be done because of this.

Barmaid I have spoke to doctors before about him but a he is not disruptive at school they dont see that there is a problem. would the NSPCC need a doctors referal ? Just so confussed.

[Barmaid]

No Boobars, the NSPCC won't need a referral. I just called the NSPCC for some advice and names of local organisations who might be able to help the child. He probably needs someone outside of the family unit to chat to. We also got the Pastoral Support Worker at the school to help one of them.

Try the link I gave you for the Family Mediation Service too. It is really difficult - I am one removed from all this, but I have seen my FH brought to his knees by the evil things his ex does. There are other charities which might provide support - you probably need some support too.

Bear in mind also that at 12 he is likely to be a little hormonal. One of ours turned overnight from a gorgeous little girl into the teenager from hell! She met my best friend last night and she was horrified at the way she spoke to me (according to mum, I am not allowed to tell the child off so she is allowed to speak to me like a piece of poo when dad is not around. I just ignore it).

[zzxxee]

barmaid you put up with so much from your step daughter i dont know if i could be so tolerant hun x

[murraymints]

My OH's son was a bit the sam e but he is now 18 and is old enough to see things for himself now...he has even recently told me that his mother had told him all sorts of things that he now realizes was complete sh****te,..and that things make more sense to him now he knows the reality of what went on and not the fairy tales fed to him..as the wicked step mother I have had to endure all sorts of insults and slurs... but now after 16 years SHE is the one that is suffering on her own..and the son is now very close to me..tells me all manner of stuff he would not talk to either parents about...