Mrs O's Post re Horrible Easter

[maggiebee]

Just to balance things out a little, I think I am a very nice MIL who has a really nasty daughter-in-law. If it wasn't for my grandchildren whom I love dearly I don't think I would ever visit. She told everyone at the dinner table two Christmases ago that she would never buy me a Birthday present/card or Christmas present/card because, after all, I wasn't her family. It was up to my son to do that. Likewise she wouldn't buy anything for my daughter or any of her family because they weren't her family either. She is oblivious to the fact that I buy her and her two sons (from a previous relationship) both birthday and Christmas presents. I also buy at Christmas for her mother, brother, sister-in-law and their family. Maybe I should take a leaf out of her book, it would certainly make my spending so much less. Very hurtful to both me and my daughter.

[slinky.kate]

why do you buy for all her family,mother,brother,sister -in-law and their family,i would only buy her a small gift and spend the rest on the grand kids

[Clanad]

What a wonderful opportunity you've been presented! Here in the U.S., we have Mother's Day (May 13 this year). You'll have the chance to really shine by presenting the mom-in-law a really treasured gift, won't you? (nod head yes please) with no recriminations. Everyone including m-i-l will understand you're a real "keeper"...

[carrust]

A friend of mine's wife died of cancer after a long illness. His mother sent a bereavement card saying; every cloud has a silver lining. Needless to say he never had much to do with her after that (not that he ever did). When she died a couple of years ago his kids refused point blank to go to the funeral....She was a horrible horrible woman.

[mike11111]

Now there's a thought! Imitating all those "days" which ride on the back of Mothers' Day in search of pure profit, how about a "Mothers-in-Law" day? It would be very interesting to see the list of "approved" gifts for such an occasion. Of course, there would have to be some degree of unanimity as to the actual date on which this would be commemorated. I think April 30th or October 31st would be front runners.

[joko]

she sounds horrible, but you are not obliged - or even expected to - buy gifts for all her extended family - that you do is up to you.

perhaps her telling you how she feels is her way of 'setting the bar' and letting you know that she expects nothing off you and wants you to know that just because you buy for them does not mean she wants you to...maybe its her way of telling you not to...

whatever it is - i would most certainly stop buying anything for any of them ...whats the point if they are given under duress and meaningless?

it would give them a taste and see that you are not a pushover

if your hubby wants to buy them stuff then let him... tthey are after all his family

[ummmm]

More fool you for buying presents for her family.

[naomi24]

You know the old saying Maggie - you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. You're doing the right thing by including her family in the present giving. Don't bring yourself down to her level. Rise above it. People like that are best pitied.

[Zacs-Master]

I don't think it's a matter of balancing things out. Mrs O had an unpleasant experience from her MIL she wasn't having a go at all MILs. I'm sure there are thousands of examples of such behaviour on both sides of the MIL / DIL fence.

[maggiebee]

The reason why I've always bought for them is that my son practically brought her two boys up and I've always treated them as part of my family. As has been pointed out, the rest has been my choice. However, it's quite difficult when we are all together for Christmas Lunch and that's when presents are exchanged. Probably my own fault for starting it.

[ummmm]

I'd be a bit confused it my BIL's parents got me a present.

[joko]

its not a case of rising above it naomi - why put yourself out for people who dont appreciate it and actually are downright horrible to you?
no doubt some of them are laughing at maggie as they sneer about the gifts she gives - if they are as horrible as she makes out.
xmas is costly enough without extra unnecessary expense...i don't think its particularly 'the done thing' to buy for the MIL's extended family and id be surprised if many did.
for children yes, dont punish them for the MIL - but buying for all the others is unnecessary.

well said Zacs - its not a competition

[chaptazbru]

It's hard to stop something when you've started. I want to stop giving my friend's grown up sons presents for birthdays and Christmas (18 and 23). They never get me anything and are both working. It's just a habit now !

[joko]

if you feel you must because they are sitting at the table, stick to cheap 'gesture' gifts... box of roses etc.

[naomi24]

Joko, //its not a case of rising above it naomi //

For me, it would be. Others may think differently.

[ummmm]

But would you buy gifts for your daughter in laws brother and his wife + plus family? They aren't family, it's not something I'd even think of doing.

[naomi24]

I'd certainly buy gifts for all those I was sharing Christmas Day with.

[ummmm]

I'll have to see what I'd do if/when the times arises.

[EcclesCake]

I consider it Mr Cake's responsibility to buy gifts for his immediate family. If I am wandering around the shops and spot something that I think is right for his parents I might buy it. I do not know the dates of his siblings or parents birthdays and do not buy them gifts or cards. The gifts and cards that are given are given from us jointly.

Mr Cake has no clue of the birthdays of my family and takes the same approach as me.

All families are different and everyone makes their own choice as to where you draw the line for gifts and cards.

I would probably not announce my formula for gift buying at the dinner table and if there were children from previous relationships I would, most definitely, treat them the same as my blood relatives.

[slinky.kate]

why not give all the adults a lottery ticket in a xmas card and pressies for the children,i think they would appreciate that and it will save you money.

[Brenden]

Same as naomi, whoever is present as christmas dinner hubby and I buy presents for.