Red's Fans...

[Jemisa]

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
==============================================

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think
you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough, you will
see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean,
and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's
from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get
a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I
go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and
mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way
back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
She said... 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' So I
suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there
was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She
told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for
the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's
on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were
the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four
letter word... It was just clean and simple fun.... And he
always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'

[chrisgel]

Love them. Especially 11 & 12.
I think this was one of his.
"My wife has a speech impediment. She has to breathe"

[marval]

I like them, here is another one of his.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.