Five
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eye glasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way."
A husband is wonderful with his baby daughter, but often he turns to his wife for advice.
Recently, she was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask,
"What should I feed Lily for lunch?"
"That's up to you," she replied.
"There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?"
A few minutes later, her mobile phone rang. She answered it to hear her husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh...what should I feed Lily for lunch?"
A pastor received a box of goodies addressed to his wife and himself from an elderly lady in the church. Inside the box was this note.
"Dear Pastor, I know that you do not like sweets, so I am sending this candy to your wife -- and nuts to you."
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes," she quickly replied. "Tell him...Mother didn't come"
A man was dragged to a concert by his wife.
Half an hour after it began he felt an elbow nudge him in the side.
"What an outrage," his wife murmured. "The person in front of us is asleep!"
Her husband replied, "You woke me up to tell me that?"