I went into my local last night and there were free peanuts on offer on the bar. I duly tucked in, when the peanuts started talking to me !! They told me that I was a handsome, young strapping chappie and had everything going for me.
Well, I went off to the toilet and on the way, the cigarette machine started talking to me - "Ignore them peanuts. Anyone who listens to peanuts is a loser - you're a pathetic, fat, ugly low-life, with no redeeming qualities."
W T F ..... anyway I went back to the bar and told the landlord what had happened.
He said, "don't worry about it - the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."