Wedding Suggestions - 3 Part Question

[Barmaid]

Having set the date, I am now furiously planning a day to remember. You have always been so good with suggestions, so I'm asking for some more now (it will be all over by the end of June! I promise!!!)

1. By the time we get back from the legal bit, it will be about 4pm. Realistically we will not be ready to serve food before 4.30. Originally I was thinking that we would have a cold fork buffet. However, given that we are limited to numbers at the legal do, we have to invite people only to the day do and then people to the evening do and it seem daft to have a full meal around 4.30 and a full meal again around 8 - nonetheless I feel you cant make people wait until 8ish for a meal and we must provide something. I am thinking that we serve afternoon tea. (Sarnies, scones, cakes etc). Obviously tea and coffee and fizz will be available - would you also put wine on the tables?! Any other suggestions?

2. Would you mention on the invitations what is happening so people know what to expect and how to plan? I was thinking of saying "and afterwards at *** for afternoon tea, followed by an evening dinner reception"

3. Can you also give me ideas about what you really enjoyed/hated about weddings you have attended as a guest (rather than as one of the protangonists). I'm looking for inspiration, although I fully appreciate that in some circumstances the thing you became to hate may have been your (now ex) spouse.

As always, thank you.

[DTCwordfan]

some lovely Tuscan wine, white and red, as P.Harry served....

I think its about creating memories, Barmaid - one of the nicest that I have seen recently was 'bring a copy of a fav photo or e-mail with the bride/groom' - and the display was brilliant fun....

[DTCwordfan]

another would be have a Master of Ceremonies who can tease you both (lightly), as well as any others in the wedding party or those having birthdays, and keep you on the straight and semi-narrow as to time.

[-SharonA-]

Looking back to my wedding, we had early dinner and a buffet later on in the evening with sandwiches, sausage rolls etc. We also laid on a hot dish for those coming to the evening reception.

My one bugbear of all weddings I've been to, is the difficulty in getting a
Alcoholic drink!!!! One wedding several of us went to a nearby pub!!!

[kvalidir]

1, Yes I think an afternoon tea could be an excellent idea and personally I'd serve wine, but I think either might be okay except if you don't you might get a bar stampede ( or that might just be my family).
2. Yes let everyone know as much as possible because people are thicker than you'd imagine and won't grasp things otherwise.
3. I enjoyed at previous weddings, having on the name cards at the table (we have put you next to Hamish because you have something in common!) then Hamish and I had a conversation starter about what that might be, and was fun. Hamish and I have kept in touch :) I also liked the little video booth where people could record well wishes and little anecdotes about the bride and groom ( some were hilarious on the wedding DVD) x

[sunny-dave]

3. My pet hate is the Professional Photographer (note the capitals) who thinks the day is all about him and his portfolio.

So often they introduce a seemingly endless hiatus into the proceedings whilst going through their list of arty/crafty photo opportunities - two hours it was at one I attended - of which the average guest was involved for about 30 seconds, and so most of us spent the rest of the time getting quietly (or in some cases, noisily) plastered.

I'm sure the bride will (one day) be happy that there is a picture of her 'garter', but right then it seemed a complete nonsense.

2. A detailed schedule is very useful - you might not keep to it, but at least it gives everyone a clue as to when they might get fed/watered/laid.

1. I'd go for champers (or perhaps bucks fizzes) and canapes at teatime & then the Full Culinary Monty later (but not too much later or Uncle Fred will be upstairs with the Maid of Honour) ...

SD xxx

[weecalf]

Wee tip .a bride told me she never wore a watch or looked at the time on her wedding as time didn’t matter it was her magical day .Always remembered that romantic old fool that I am .

[mallyh]

have a meal after the wedding and an evening buffet xx

[sunny-dave]

PS : I missed the 'likes'

I particularly liked a couple of weddings where (except for the Top Table) there was a "no-one sits with their family/mates/partner/lover" seating plan - you do then have to talk to strange people and it can be very stimulating ...

[woofgang]

One thing I really hated about a wedding that I went to was as follows. We were invited to the evening event only which was fair enough. The couple are catholic which we aren't and they had a proper sit down wedding meal after the ceremony which would have been prohibitive for everyone who they wanted to invite. BUT when we arrived, the room was stuffy and messy and was still dressed for the meal with things like abandonned wedding favours left on the table. None of the wedding party were in evidence to greet people they had invited. There was a very expensive pay bar open and that was that. It felt as though we were not wanted. Now I know you won't do any of this and I also believe that the venue was partly to blame for not clearing up properly....but I do think that if someone from the wedding party isn't going to be available to ensure that things run smoothly (and I can see why they wouldn't be) then there does need to be someone whose one job is to to keep an eye open and ensure that everthing that should be done is done.

[kvalidir]

Yeah agreed Woof, our family weddings always have someone on the day who isn't a guest or participating to make sure things run smoothly x

[woofgang]

sunny dave I HATE affairs where you aren't allowed to sit with someone you know. I used to go to lots of business dinners, balls and receptions with my late DH. Fortunately he was senior enough for us to be able to put a foot firmly down on attempts to split us up. I particularly disliked hosts who tried to divide the men from the ladies. Its fine once the evening has moved on a bit and conversation has become general but to require it from the get go to me is completely unnacceptable.

[anneasquith]

I dislike " evening invitations" it says , you are not important enough to attend our wedding. I rarely attend .

[-SharonA-]

Agreed with having someone to ensure all is going well. We had 2 people, one for the bar and the other for the reception floor. After early dinner which finished around 7pm and folks sitting where they wanted, the floor cleared of some tables for the evening do and dancing.

[NellieMay]

Meal after the wedding, with wine, and an evening buffet. Then people are seated for all the toasts, speeches etc. And the evening can be casual. I wouldn't serve a hot meal in the evening.

[NellieMay]

Ann Asquwith, I think most people understand completely and don't expect to be invited to the wedding and formalities, and are happy to go to the evening celebrations which are less formal. I think its nice that only special people are invited to the main event. I would feel very pleased to be invited to the evening celebrations.

[Maydup]

I think you'll find the afternoon tea too filling and rather long winded. Champagne and canapes is ideal, with some fun and photo opps. Time to say hello to your guests and for everyone to mingle. If you have an outdoor space this is the time for to enjoy it and get some air before dinner.

Sit down to dinner at 5:30 and let it turn into the evening reception naturally.

The one thing I like about weddings is seeing the couple getting married, like others, I send my excuses if I'm nit invited to that. Having said that the thing I dislike is hanging around for hours between the ceremony and the meal, hence the suggestion to have a glass of fizz and a mingle, and eat reasonably soon afterwards

[NellieMay]

Depends of course where the wedding is and whether there is space for all and sundry.

[woofgang]

weecalf "Wee tip .a bride told me she never wore a watch or looked at the time on her wedding as time didn’t matter it was her magical day .Always remembered that romantic old fool that I am ."

see that strikes me as a bit selfish....its also the groom's magical day and if you want that kind of day then don't invite guests....I am not saying that the bride should be on a millisecond tight schedule or that she shouldn't devolve the keeping the day on track to someone else but to me that attitude is not very polite to guests which she has invited.

[Barmaid]

Some really interesting comments - thank you.

Unfortunately, we are kind of stuck with a ceremony and then evening do. I wanted everyone all day, but the register office can only seat 50. We have 120. I did look at other local civil venues, but unfortunately, they wont just do the ceremony - they want the full shebang and charge for it appropriately. We could accommodate everyone 30 miles away, but actually its not that nice and equally a lot of people will have to travel to the ceremony then a further 30 miles to the reception. It's not a case of people not being invited because they are not important enough, it is a case of being realistic. The alternative is we have a church wedding - but neither of us want to do that, neither of us are religious.

I wanted the main meal to be in the evening so that those guests who couldnt come to the ceremony specifically feel like they are a part of it. But equally I am conscious that most of the guests to the ceremony will be elderly family (this is the sad reality of our ages that most of our family are 70+, with many being late 80+).

There will be no formal speeches other than mine, which I was planning to do in the evening. We are not having a photographer, I am going to invite those with cameras/phones to upload their pics to a dropbox account which I will then circulate. My brother will take some decent shots with Mr BM's camera.

Good idea about having someone to oversea things. I have two people in mind - one who can effectively act as an MC. The other to oversea everything will be my sister.

I'm not doing the mixed seated thing - I am seating people with people they know in the main. Personally I dislike forcing people to talk to people they have never met and will probably never see again. I'll let my elderly aunts and uncles catch up - and his. Our friends, we'll mix, but actually all our friends are likely to get on really well.

And there is absolutely NO WAY ON GOD's SWEET EARTH I am inviting people to bring the last picture/email since I do not want to be disinherited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Nice idea tho).

[DTCwordfan]

keep your guests out of the honeymoon bedroom at all costs....they will be looking to break in there.