From Facebook To Ab - When I

[spathiphyllum]

The comments on Facebook were mostly from elderly people saying how much they loved this or just how needed it was to be shared, so I thought you folk may love it.


When I Wander - Author Unknown - (NHS Lothian)

When I wander, don't tell me to come and sit down. Wander with me. It may be because I'm hungry, thirsty, need the toilet. Or maybe I just need to stretch my legs.

When I call for my mother (even though I'm ninety!) don't tell me she has died. Reassure me, cuddle me, ask me about her. It may be that I am looking for the security that my mother once gave me.

When I shout out please don't ask me to be quiet... Or walk by. I am trying to tell you something, but have difficulty in telling you what. Be patient. Try to find out. I may be in pain.

When I become agitated or appear angry, please don't reach for the drugs first. I am trying to tell you something. It may be too hot, too bright, too noisy. Or maybe it;s because I miss my loved ones. Try to find out first.

When I don't eat my dinner or drink my tea, it may be because I've forgotten how to. Show me what to do, remind me. It may be that I just need to hold my knife and fork, I may know what to do then.

When I push you away while you're trying to hep me was or get dressed, maybe it's because I have forgotten what you have said. Keep telling me what you are doing over and over and over. Maybe others will think you're the one that needs the help!

With all my thoughts and maybes, perhaps it will be you who reaches my thoughts, understands my fears and makes me feel safe. Maybe it will be you who I need to thank.

If I only knew how.

[bookbinder]

It comes to us all, eventually.

[maggiebee]

Thank you for sharing spath - very poignant.

[Mamyalynne]

Wise words, caring is hard but a deep breath and think will mean all the world.

Thank you.

[NellieMay]

Very poignant as Maggie said. Nice to see a young ABer posting this. Thank you.

[maggiebee]

Thought I'd share this too - was apparently written by a student nurse about barriers to communication with patients. She'll make a good nurse I think.

I’m weak - in fact I’m useless now, I can’t speak.
I’ll never get to grips with this, I HAVE REACHED MY PEAK!
You don’t know what I’m thinking ‘cause you can’t hear what I say.
You share a distant glance, then on with your day.
When did you last look into my eyes, my dear? I’M STILL HERE!

At the start when they told me I won’t have a choice
“It’s a matter of time before you’ll lose your voice”.
I won’t let it beat me - it is just a test.
But it’s hard; I can’t do this; I’M TRYING MY BEST!

Until the nurse came to visit, she said to me in jest
“I have brought with me a student - she won’t be a pest”.
In hindsight it’s hazy, but remains as clear as day,
“Hello Jan, how are you?” “Sorry, what did you say?”
My god, how crazy, this is long overdue.
Hang on, where’s my pen? I know just what to do.

As I put pen to paper I slowly write
But wait one moment - this could take all night!
Here I am again, in a struggle, in a fight
What is the point there is no end in sight?
I have nothing to say, such a huge price to pay.
You must go, carry on, get on with your day.

She smiled, and then winked as she looked at me.
She alerted me then signed
“PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME”.

[spathiphyllum]

Nice addition Maggie,

In response to all those who've commented on me sharing this, no problem, thank you, and it's nice to read these things sometimes, reminds us to be patient

[naomi24]

See Me


What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking, when you look at me —
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,
When you say in a loud voice — “I do wish you’d try.”

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe,
Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you’re thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, you’re looking at ME…
I’ll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still;
As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another,
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet.
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet;
A bride soon at twenty — my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn;
At fifty once more babies play ’round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known;
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel —
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where once I had a heart,
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again,
I think of the years, all too few — gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last —
So I open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, nurses — see ME!

[naomi24]

Incidentally, that^ didn't come from Facebook. I don't do Facebook.

[hereIam]

I wish I hadn't read these, I'm sobbing like a baby now. Whenever I read about some old soul abused and neglected in a so called care home, I always imagine them as a young person, full of life and surrounded by love with all their future ahead of them and then they end up like this, abused and forgotten. Old age is very rarely something to look forward to and we should all remember this because it comes to us all ...

[Lie-in King]

All moving pieces, thanks to the contributors.

[naomi24]

//...I always imagine them as a young person, full of life and surrounded by love with all their future ahead of them//

I do that too, hereIam.

[Mamyalynne]

All very moving. x

[marval]

Some very moving words, thank you Spath, Maggie and Naomi.

[spathiphyllum]

Thank you for that Naomi

[maggiebee]

Thank you so much for BA spath - chuffed.

[Patsy33]

A little bit more forethought, compassion & empathy, that's all is needed, to make a difference.
Thought provoking.

[NellieMay]

Oh Naomi, that is just so real. I really worry because of the care home experiences I encountered when my mother needed care.

My own physical disabilies meant I could no longer care for her at my home. Her main problem, as a highly intelligent lady with a career behind her , was being treated as a child. She became a very awkward angry lady and was getting told off, again like a naughty child.

Thanks for posting x

[naomi24]

//Oh Naomi, that is just so real.//

Yes indeed. :o(

[AuntPollyGrey]

Kudos to you spath, you've gone from sitting on the naughty step for annoying the oldies to the pensioners pin up within 24 hours -well done!

[AuntPollyGrey]

Here's one to counteract all that sugar:

"I do not crave your cups of tea,
Your false concerns nor sympathy
I’ve had my time its clear to see
Just let me die with dignity"