is he selfish or is it me

[dizydosydoll]

I am trying to loose weight only about a stone for christmas and so im dieting (WW) but i need to do some exercise as well and i hate the gym, so i suggested to my partner that we go to bammington over the weekend and he didnt want to says that he doesnt like it although i know he does, also i know im the 1 on the diet but he eats takeaways and crisp & chocs in front of me which makes it harder but he says that he isnt the one on the diet so why should he stop eating them, do you think he is being selfish?

[sunflower71]

yes he is. my other half is just as bad though!
when i [tried] to give up smoking he smoked in front of me which i hated i told him etc etc.

[ummmm]

Did he tell you to lose weight?

If not then I don't think he is being selfish. You've made a choice to lose weight. Why should he give up things he enjoys?

Also, I don't think that you are being selfish either expecting a bit more support.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, why would you class him as being selfish? you are the one who wants to diet. Its like him asking for sex and you saying your not in the mood. Are you saying you should do it anyway?

[dizydosydoll]

mr ben i dont think that is a good way of comparisment, and there have been plenty of times that i have not been in the mood for sex but make the effort!

ummmm no he did not ask me to loose weight and to be honest the fact that he eats these things in front of me is not really the issue because you have to deal with temptation, it's more about not making the effort to help me exercise.

[ummmm]

Thats why I said that I don't think you are being selfish either......You should be able to expect him to support you.

[luckyeight]

If you want an honest reply to your question, I think this is a classic 'not wanting to accept something as your problem' scenario - if you want to diet, do it. Your partner shouldn't have to diet as well. It might be quite insensitive for him to eat take aways infront of you, but I think it's very unfair for you to expect him to change his habits and lifestyle just because you want to change yours. Isn't this just a classic case of misery loves company? It's your diet, not his. :)
Again, isn't he your boyfriend, not your fitness instructor? Exactly how is he supposed to help you to exercise? Sorry, dizy, but you need to take responsibility for all this, not blame your boyfriend. If he had suggested you go away on a curry tasting weekend, wouldn't you be horrified? That's probably why he doesnt' want to go to bammington (I don't know what that is, but presume it's some kind of fitness experience!?)
Good luck with it all BTW.

[Blyss]

i was gona write a huge load of advice on this ..but luckyeight said it all for me.
good luck on the weight lose though

[sunflower71]

reading all your replies, surley being in a relationship means that you are meant to support and help one another.

[WendyS]

Well. if he was really encouraging your efforts I guess he'd eat the same healthy diety food as you at mealtimes and then sneak away into the shed or garage when you weren't looking and nibble away at his crips and chocolate. Finding the willpower to diet is very difficult and every little encouragement helps. Can't you ask him to be a little more tactful in the way he approaches this.

[ummmm]

Why should anyone have to eat in secret in their own home?