Hyperactivity or adhd...

[stressed out]

I'm not sure if anyone can help... My son is 3 and since he was a year old he has been very hyperactive, had nervous outbursts, has poor speech for his age and does'nt eat and sleep is a major problem as he does'nt settle and does'nt fall asleep till early hours and only then sleeps 8 hours! From a year old i did manage to get him to sleep in his cot but then 9 months later as i was sorting him out for bed as normal, he suddenly was scared to sleep in the cot and although i tried repeatedly to get him back to sleep he has reverted back to my bed!

Daily life is a nightmare with him, he whinges, has tantrums and now swears in shops and supermarkets!
He is a lovely, caring boy other than this and although i have been to doctors, psycologists and had a family worker trying to help no one has taken me seriously and they smirk and patronise!

Sorry this is long winded but i don't know what else to try and my current situation is not ideal... I'm 7 months pregnant with my 2nd and when i was told it was a boy i could'nt help but feel sad and have tears in my eyes as i dread that the baby, being another boy, will have these behaviour traits too.. Silly i know but i could'nt help but think that. I am a single parent too, i fell pregnant and then found out he'd been having an affair!

I am better without him as he was unsupportive in every area of our lives but i can't help but feel that everyone just seems to not take me seriously and take the p**s out of me.

I'm not sure if my son has Hyperactivity only or if it is more serious like adhd.. I just don't know what to do to 'calm' him down or if these symptoms will ever go away. I am fortunate that i have a very supportive mum and my parents live very close to me.

I have poured my life out here, i wanted to give as much information as i could to help you try to offer me solutions or advice.

Thanks

[ganesh]

My daughter has ADD,not ADHD although she was a little hyper when she was younger. He seems very young to be diagnosed with anything and I can't imagine where he's getting all the swearing from. Does he go to nursery school yet? The teachers would certainly spot it if he was different from the others and they are used to energetic kids.
I'd like to point out that girls get ADHD as well so getting worried coz your baby is a boy is silly. if your'e stressed out your kids will be , so calm down. Sorry-don't mean to sound patronising but you sound a bit panicky.
Also, ADHD isn't the end of the world, and 8hours sleep doesn't sound that bad.
Have you tried all the dietry things like cutting out sugary foods and orange juice and all that.? My daughter used to go crazy when she had chocolate.
What did the psycologist actually say to you? You obviously didn't agree with it whatever she said. GPs havent got a clue,they just refer you to specialists
Sorry if I'.m not much help, but only you know your son and it must be hard on your own.

[sandbach99]

You are a good mother, your emotional, tired, stressed and pregnant.
Although your new baby is a boy he is unlikely to have the same emotions mannerisms etc.
Children of his age are very demanding they try and suceed to push you to the edge. As you are in touch with his Grandparents or Aunts and Uncles, can they take him for half, a day or even for a sleepover, this will give you a break. How does he behave for them?
Does he go to nursery or a play group? how does he behave there
When he comes to your bed, if you can let him go to sleep and then gently return him to his own bed, he may decide it's not worth the effort.
When he swears ignore him and ignore the people around you, if you react he has your attention. Note there is an illness that causes suffers to swear unexpectedly called Tourettes Syndrome look it up there is bound to be someone able to help you if this applies, Don't be intimidated by people in white coats you are just as good as them.
Lastly I know you feed him a healthy diet, but sometimes even healthy food has nasties in, all sugar or sugar free product are sweetened by chemicals, which do cause problems in some people, E numbers are another and are some artificial flavourings and colourings. Check on the net to find any known side-effects, keep a food diary and behaviour, see if certain products make him worse.
I am sure someone will answer you about AHDH

[oldwoman]

I would say children who have Hyperactivity don`t show loving feelings. Perhaps my daughter had adhd but it wasnt diagnosed in those days. Hyperactivity in my situation if you can relate to this...running,always running. Climbing through windows,sleep only 1-2 hours, bitting her arms.

[stressed out]

You're right, i am the one who knows my son, i am not panicky, i have had a knightmare the last couple of years. 8 hours might sound good to you, but would it be so good if you were 7 months pregnant and your 3 year old son only slept in your bed and you had to go to bed with him and for 2 or 3 hours he jumped all over the bed and played before settling with his milk and finally going to sleep?...

As for the Psycologist, i could'nt agree with anything she said as she said nothing, just looked at the clock and asked alot of questions that were irrelevant.

If i sound 'panicky' it's because i am at the end of my tether.

I can't blame you for not understanding as you are not in my situation and it sounds like you've been given the impression that i have'nt tried anything.

Sorry if my response sounds harsh but you do sound a little patronising.

[stressed out]

Wow! I was typing that response for Ganesh and must of submitted just as the other answers came in!

[harleybobs]

Hi well firstly and Im sure I speak from all that have replied that we are all here for u and your a great mum !! It may be a long shot but have you tried giving him fish oils ?

Good luck your a great mum

xx

[ganesh]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you and I never said you were a bad mother or criticised you in any way. I merely asked what you had tried as you didn't give that information in your post. You are stressed out by your own admittion,and I'm not inyour situation ,nor are most people that answer this, but I do have 2 kids,one with ADD so I know a little about it!

[sandbach99]

I forgot the fish oils, they do work wonders but check the dosage with the pharmist if possible as he is young, if one pharmist says he is too young try a different chemist.
Evening primrose oil also helps some children.

Sorry i missed spelled the illness before and I still can't remember the letters begins with A.

[sandbach99]

Sorry i didn't really read your reply, he has won the battle of going to bed, leave him downstairs to play. try quietish play, reading to him, drawing with a crayon, watching a dvd etc, you will see when he becomes tired, then take him up give him his milk in your bed if necessary, then transfer him to his cot.
Let him find his own bedtime, hopefully he won't be as bad as my daughter was, at 2 she went to bed usually about the time I did, midnight and was awake for a brand new day 5-6 am when her new-born brother woke and she didn't sleep during the day.

I still don't sleep for very long at night 30+ years later!!

Not every child does what the book says.

[jake-the-peg]

At 3 it's really too early for anybody to do a reliable diagnosis on whether a child suffers from any of the Autistic spectrum disorders like ADHD or ADD or Aspergers etc. there are a whole raft of them.

Boys do suffer more than girls (I think about 80% of sufferers are boys) and it does tend to run in families but it's far from certain that your second will suffer too (If indeed your first is). If you look down a couple of threads one of the answers there has one affected and one unaffected son.

The fish oils business is a bit fashionable right now and the research is not very convincing but it certainly wouldn't hurt.

Personally I'm not convinced that ADHD and the others are anything to do with diet but it may be that some food intolerances show similar signs.

I'd put the ADHD thing to the back of my mind right now if I were you - even if it's the case it'll be a long time before he's old enough for a reliable diagnosis and there's not a great deal that can be done even then.

The available drugs help some children but many like my son find the side effects more of a problem than they're worth.

A lot of kids have a terrible two's stage that spills over into the threes and fours - if I were you I'd presume that's the case.

There are a number of good books like this one
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Toddler-Taming-Parents -Guide-Years/dp/0091875285

I presume you've explained in some way that you're pregnant and that there'll soon be another baby - this is doubtlessly worrying him - he's used to being your only child and getting a sibling is often the first big stressfull event in a childs life - they don't always deal with it well.

When my wife came home from hospital after my daughter was born, my son "blanked" my wife for about

[jake-the-peg]

2 days and was frankly horrible!

They do grow out of it but it can take a while - he's 13 now and can still be horrible!

Best of luck

[ganesh]

Jake-I agree that the drugs for ADHD can cause more problems than they're worth and to some extent the child and family have to live with it,but some parents (and teachers) swear that certain diets(low carbs,sugar-free,e-numbers,and omega 3) have an enormous effect on behavioural problems. And also, I think there is a tendency to label kids with disorders too easily these days.
3 years old is really too young to confirm this one way or another,and the problem of hyperactivity is still there whether or not he is diagnosed.
By the way ADHD is nothing to do with Autism except that the brain is involved!Sometimes you can have both,but ADD is not a kind of Autism.

[stressed out]

Thanks to all of you... I did try the fish oils but he detested the taste and even though i disguised it in his juice/milk he refused it.

He usually does watch a dvd or play with his toys before bed but it does'nt wind him down. It is difficult for me at the mo to try to carry him to his bed from mine after he falls asleep as i can't pick him this far in my pregnancy. Also i forgot to mention that he only stays asleep if i'm laying beside him, he is a light sleeper and always has been, if he falls asleep somewhere and he's moved he wakes up instantly! My sister's two stay asleep through anything as does my friend's son but i am aware that all children are different and they don't have behaviour problems. I have been told that he has Hyperactivity by medical professionals but only after my persistence, however, they didn't want to give medication as they said they preferred not to medicate under 2. To be honest, i don't really like the thought of administering chemical medication like this as i'm sure the side effects could be worse later on.

He is aware that i am pregnant as i have told him, and every day he kisses my belly and hugs 'the baby' but i don't think he understands the reality of it of how it will affect us or our family life.

Although my username is stressedout i chose it when i first joined AB and as i'm not sure if i can change it i have'nt bothered. I don't want people to get the wrong idea and class me as stressed just because it's my username.
Of course i'm tired and would like a solution for my son's behaviour that will work.

Thanks again for all your answers.

x

[ganesh]

As omega 3 is fashionable now you can get a lot of stuff with it in. Not saying it will help,but you can get Omega 3 milk which doesn't taste at all fishy,some margarines and even bread now.
Good luck for the future..