How Do I Tell My Parents Nicely To Stop Coming To My House Uninvited

[gordiescotland1]

Hi there I am having problems with my relationships with my parents. They are very interfering and controlling and try to disguise this as being helpful. They live less than 2 miles from me in the same town and continually invade my privacy by going into my house uninvited when they know I am out. This morning I told my parents I was meeting my aunt and uncle for coffee and I went out and had a nice time. I came back, they had been in my house, tidied my house and looked at my mail that I had left lying out, and I think this is inappropriate. Last time we had a major falling out was when my phone had been restricted to incoming calls but I was going to sort that out my mother phoned Sky, paid the bill and changed the payment over to her r all when I was out, I obviously had changed the password since and got it transferred back to my name. It was a previous cat we both had !! I asked for my keys back and then for weeks my mother told me that I have diabetes and AF and what if something happened like a heart attack or a stroke I might not get to a phone and I could die alone, so I gave her the keys back and gave in I asked them not to use them unless it is an emergency but obviously this morning was not an emergency. How do I deal with this, apart from changing the locks which is a bit dramatic and expensive?

[Islay]

Just tell them - you are an adult and one of considerable I age I would guess - just man up and tell them it is unacceptable.

[woofgang]

Don’t give in. Require your keys back. Tell them what they are doing is not acceptable and stick to your guns.

[Jackdaw33]

Move, and don't leave a forwarding address.

[Mamyalynne]

Just be as calm and as plain as possible - 'Mum,Dad I know you have my best interests at heart and you have helped me so much but I do need my privacy. I hope you understand'.

Words to that effect.

[anthro-nerd]

Sounds very frustrating! But you do need to talk to them openly and honestly. It's alarming they think it's okay!

[albaqwerty]

Your mum will use emotional blackmail. They see it as 'helping out'
Tell them you are grateful for their help and love them dearly, but as an adult you can stand on your own 2 feet.

[Old_Geezer]

How much does it cost to change the locks ?

Just say that, no offense but you'd like folk to arrange visits rather than drop in unexpectedly. Regarding health issues; can't see a solution unless you know someone you can trust with it.

[maggiebee]

Either get your keys back or change your locks. There is caring and downright interference. I have a key for my son's family home - for emergency use only and would never dream of going in and tidying up etc when they were out. Not easy dealing with parents, but you need to stand your ground. What do they think you are going to do when they are no longer around?

[MallyJ]

Ask for your keys back and when your mum argues that she should have them back explain that you are taking them back because of her behaviour which, actually in my opinion as well, is way beyond acceptable. Emotional blackmail or attempts at it are also totally out of order. When my mum tried that with me I did not contact her or visit for months. I can't imagine how she thinks intruding into your space and nosing through your property is anyway reasonable behaviour.

[Jackdaw33]

I presume from the tenor of your post that you live alone. Move in a kept woman; she'll soon see her off.

[gordiescotland1]

Yes I live alone and I am 46 years old. It is very frustrating.

[Islay]

I don't think there is a nice way - you have to be blunt and be prepared for a little bit of sulking

[Jackdaw33]

Getting a Rottweiler might deter her.

[mccfluff]

get an extra lock fitted and engage it when you go out and don't give them that key. when you are in, leave it unlocked, therefore they can come in if you have an attack at home of some sort but not when you are out.

Or man up and tell them to stop.

[Jackdaw33]

A very sensible solution, unless they also have keys to the back door.

[Kathyan]

I have keys to both my daughters houses but would never go there whilst they were out unless they asked me to. It's an invasion of their privacy and I dare say that they would both tell me so if I did that! You must tell them how you feel and ask for your keys back, don't give in to emotional blackmail and stand your ground.

[Cloverjo]

Oh god. I agree with everyone here. Do you have a key to their house? Maybe you could go in, tidy up and open their mail? See what they think of that!

[Jackdaw33]

I think the suggestion of an extra lock (a Chubb one should do the trick) would be ideal in resolving the problem. When you are at home they can have access in an emergency but when you are out there is no way they can get in.

[Georgiesmum]

Are you due to buy a new front door? If so, you would have fresh locks with it.!