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Science Jokes
1. There are 10 different kinds of people.
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
2. Police stop Heisenberg for speeding and ask do you know how fast you were going?
He replies, no, but I know where I was.
3. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
4. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
5. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
6. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
7. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
8. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”
9. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
10. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
11. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”
12. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
13. What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.
14. What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.
15. A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"
16. They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
17. A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, that you're – on average - very comfortable.
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
2. Police stop Heisenberg for speeding and ask do you know how fast you were going?
He replies, no, but I know where I was.
3. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
4. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
5. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
6. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
7. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
8. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”
9. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
10. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
11. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”
12. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
13. What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.
14. What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.
15. A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"
16. They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
17. A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, that you're – on average - very comfortable.
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