How Do I Fond Out Where My Stillborn Baby Is Burried

[tinacm]

Hi,
I am really desperate for help. in November 1958 my mother had a stillborn son, It has been a 55 almost 56 year torment, he was born at home in Doncaster, Them taken to Western Road Hospital, this Hospital no longer exists. She didn't get to hold her child or anything, she was just forgotten basically, I have been browsing this site to see if i can get any help. so please please if you can help me to help my mother it would finally help her say goodbye, she is 75 now and still cries over him, its been a cruel torment for her, I so want to give her the unanswered questions she has held for so many years.

[Old_Geezer]

Whilst I have no knowledge to answer your question I would suggest a good alternative might be for your mother to seek medical advice regarding getting over a life tragedy.

It also occurs to me that maybe such children may not have been buried but cremated ?

[boxtops]

I believe it may be almost impossible to find where your baby brother is buried. A relative of mine gave birth to a stillborn child a few years after your mother, and the baby was taken and buried with a deceased adult (name unknown). This meant that the child still had a Christian funeral, but was not recorded as being in that particular grave.

I feel so sad for your mother - attitude to stillborns and prem deaths have changed so much in the last 50 years. Even if she had investigated further straight away, it might be that the stillbirth was just noted, but what happened after that, wasn't.

Another possibility would be to approach the PALS team at the current Hospitals Trust in Doncaster, just to see if there is anything archived from the 1950s. It's a long shot, but worth a try.

[TheWinner]

You could try and search these records:
http://library.doncaster.gov.uk/c/document_library/get_file?uuid=7c8eeb12-e638-4505-a3c7-d3377b9c0fcf&;groupId=10158

or perhaps ask for help from The Salvation Army ?

[Mosaic]

In some councils the record books of the cemeteries department will have a note that the burial was done and which plot is was included in, so a first step might be to contact the relevant council department and ask how you can get to look at the ledgers for the year in question. They may have now passed these books on to the regional archives, so they may not be housed with the main council buildings.
But I also think OG's point is very important. This was a very sad experience for your mother and the point is to get help to work through what seem to be overwhelming feelings. With the right help and support this is possible - simply dwelling on the sadness will not make it better.

[black_cat51]

Tracing a baby’s grave can be a difficult task. the results can often be frustrated by lack of records or insufficient details.
It’s also worth noting that in many cases babies were, and still are, buried in a shared grave with other babies. In other cases babies were buried with another adult (usually a woman). The graves are usually unmarked, though they do have a plot number.

The Hospital Administrator at the local hospital where the baby was delivered should be contacted first. They will need to know:
• the full name and address of the mother
• the date of delivery, and
• any other relevant information (eg the approximate date of the funeral, did the hospital arrange the funeral? Information of this nature)
The administrator should then be able to tell you where the baby is buried and/or the name of the funeral directors who handled the hospitals’ burials at that time.

The funeral directors would be able to tell you which cemetery/crematorium they used. You can then have a search carried out or ask to see the cemetery/crematorium register.

Most hospitals contracted one funeral director. If you cannot find out which company they used you will then need to work your way through all the funeral directors in the relevant area.


Hospital records are rarely kept for more than ten years, so you may not be able to follow the above guidelines. The next place to look therefore is the local council cemetery and crematoria department for the area where the baby died or was stillborn. A register is maintained here. The head of this department is usually called the Superintendent Registrar.

The public are legally permitted to inspect burial registers, but do not have an automatic right to personally inspect cremation registers. However, a search can be made on your behalf if the following information is provided:
• the baby’s surname, and
• the date of death or stillbirth

I got this info from another website

[whiskeryron]

What an awfully sad post, I am so sorry for your poor mother my heart goes out to her, I do hope you can get the answer to your question soon.

WR. ♥

[tinacm]

Thank you all for your help and kind words. you have given me a starting point, which i didn't have. I appreciate you all taking the time to answer me, :-)

[plowter]

No matter how long ago it happened your mum hasn't got over it.
Those feelings will be as raw and real as they were 75 years ago.

Why not contact the SANDS Helpline (national stillbirth trust)
020 7436 5881?

http://www.uk-sands.org/contact

They can put her in touch with people who understand what she's going through.

[Clanad]

Firstly, my sympathies to you and your mother. In looking for a website that describes what happens in such cases here in the U.S., I came upon this applicable to the U.K.:

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1039803/practical-arrangements-when-a-baby-is-stillborn

It seems one of the most important facts surrounding your case is how old the baby was at the time of stillbirth. Here in the U.S., the baby is treated as a live birth after about 22 weeks… meaning the death must be registered and the baby issued a Birth Certificate by the State in which the event occurred, following which a Death Certificate is issued. There's a world of information associated with these two certificates… at least here.

Best wishes...

[ferlew]

There is one site.... bonniebabies.co.uk where you or mum could put a memorial for the little boy.
There are others where you light candles.

[ferlew]

SANDS are fabulous, I knit for their Memory Boxes.

[EDDIE51]

I hate having to say this, but over 50 years ago a still birth may just have been disposed of as clinical waste. If the child never lived even for a few minutes it would not have been recorded as a birth at all. It could have been disposed of in the same way results of an abortion or miscarriage were disposed of. Things were very different then.

[chrissa1]

I don't think you should have said it, Eddie.

[ferlew]

My mum was a midwife, around that time, if the babies were around full term, the nurses always popped them in a coffin, to ensure a decent burial.

[pixie373]

I'm really sorry. I don't know how to find him, but i hope you do. If not, would it be worth organising a memorial now? Your mum might appreciate somewhere to go to remember him, anyway and speak to some of the charities for some practical support for her.

[sherrardk]

I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but if you are unable to find the information that you require could you 'pretend' that you have and find somewhere appropriate (with an appropriate 'back story') for your mother to say goodbye? Might just give your mam some sort of peace of mind (really do hope I haven't caused any offence).

[joko]

chrissa, tinacm has come here for answers - eddie makes a valid point, even though it may not be very nice to hear

it would be worth tina trying to contact someone from that hospital in those days to ask what the procedure for it was - there may be some kind of record of staff at the time, who although they would be old now may be able to answer her - if they say it would have been as eddie said then tina can concentrate on helping her mother find other ways to feel closure etc, rather than waste her time.

[maggiebee]

A few years ago I went with a friend to Registrar House in Edinburgh to try to trace her baby daughter who was either stillborn or died shortly after birth. My friend had been very ill at the time and by the time she was sufficiently recovered everything had been "taken care of" and she was told to forget it and go and have another baby. She did eventually find her daughter's birth certificate (with lots of staff help) which proved she had been a live birth but died hours later. To date she has been unable to find out where her baby was buried but suspects she was buried with an adult at the time. Thank God we are more caring these days. So sorry to hear your mum is still tormented by this.

[joko]

i think sherrard may have a good idea there, sadly - unfortunately, the chances of the truth bringing her any comfort is slim - other than discovering he has his own little grave somewhere nothing else is going to sound very nice really - and its unlikely that there is something like that

the fact that she was not allowed any contact or info and not told anything about it ever, implies that that's because there is nothing to tell unfortunately... no records, no grave, no name etc

they really had messed up attitudes in those days really
its a shame for her to have had this on her head so long.

[EDDIE51]

The point I was trying to make is that a stillbirth would not even have a birth certificate as medically there was no birth, therefore there can not be a death certificate either. The only record of such an event would have been a note in the mothers medical record to state that a stillbirth took place. Any hospital notes will have long since been destroyed.