Morbidly Obese Family Member

[eve1974]

Hi - first I want to start off saying I don’t want to offend anyone. That cleared we need advice on how to help motivate two adult family members to lose weight.

Stepson (age 30) is classed as (Bmi 35)
obese whilst daughter in law aged 35 (his wife) is Classed as morbidly obese. Bmi 51

We’ve spoken Of our worries for their future health and offered to help pay for gym etc (we live in about 3hrs away so unable to suggest we all go on outdoors walks etc together. We can’t offer to help cook decent food for same reason (they exist on junk by their own admission)

Daughter in law was recently offered a referral by gp for Consideration of gastric band op but she turned it down as it wld involve too many lifestyle changes. Seems crazy to turn down the opportunity to us BUT... It easy for us to say Cos husb and i (luckily) don’t Struggle with our weight:

What is the best way to approach them? Whatever we’ve said in the past falls on deaf ears (we don’t “Fat shame” ... at least not intentionally ...and we don’t mention it often... but we have told them we worry about their health.

Daughter in law has had some counselling in the past and step son won’t even consider speaking to someone about his weight tho.

[woofgang]

You know what? you can't. If they want to they will and if they ask for help give it. They are adults, the choices are theirs, step away.

[woofgang]

PS If you carry on you risk alienating them entirely, I am sure you don't want that.

[burlyshirley]

Maybe suggest they watch 'My 600lb Life' on Quest Red most nights at 8 p.m. If that doesn't work, nothing will.

[eve1974]

No woof that’s the last thing we want. We love them. Its sad though because they are both seriously risking shortening their lives and their current “quality” of life is already being affected.

We (non expert obv!) Believe that it’s a psychological issue as much as a physical - morbid obesity should be treated just as seriously as anorexia - both can kill

[MartinMillar]

You cannot and I speak from experience, firstly not you business they are adults.
They will eventually come to a realisation that they need help and will ask them.
As for turning down gastric band surgery I don’t blame her too high of numbers going wrong.
All gastric surgery require major changes and until you are ready to make that commitment it’s pointless agreeing to it.

[anneasquith]

It must be difficult to see your family leading such an unhealthy lifestyle. I’m sure they are aware of the health risks. I agree with MM .

[Cloverjo]

You can’t do anything.
Husband is obese and knows it. He asks me to buy him an ice cream from the shop across the road. I’d rather get him a salad, but it’s not going to work.

[maggiebee]

Afraid it's a bit like an excess of anything - smoking, drinking or eating. Until they recognise the problem themselves there's little you can do about it. Sounds like they are in denial and all you can do is support them whatever choices they make in life.

[eve1974]

Thank you all. It’s such a hard thing to stand back because we know they are limiting their lives unless they something. But all ur answers seem to confirm what we gut instinct know ... that we can’t “do” anything until / unless they are ready to see / accept they need help. It’s such a complicated thing for THEM as the individuals affected

[woofgang]

Cloverjo "You can’t do anything.
Husband is obese and knows it. He asks me to buy him an ice cream from the shop across the road. I’d rather get him a salad, but it’s not going to work."

yeah and the chocolate sauce and sprinkles don't go well with lettuce

[Barmaid]

I agree with Martinmillar. You can do nothing and only support.

They have to want to change themselves. And you can only offer support if they decide to do that.

[jno]

sadly, there's nothing you can do it they don't want to. You should certainly offer help, but you've done that already and it's been refused. But it's their bodies, their decisions.

[Purist]

Cloverjo, have you thought about asking him to get his own ice cream? sometimes being more accountable for what you buy yourself makes you think about why you want it.