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Accomodation Rules
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Please bear with me, this is a long post.
Whilst at university, I shared a house with three others. One day, I went into what I thought was a study room, when my housemate caught me in there and got very angry indeed 'How dare you go into my room? How dare you go into my room?! I told her I thought it was a neutral study room, which anyone could go into. She told me I was wrong, and went into her room, where she continued to go about it, by telling her b/f that she paid money each month for that room, and that it wasn't a neutral study room, and how wrong I was etc.
I avoided them for a few days, as one does after such incidents. A few days after, her b/f knocked on my door, saying he needed to have a word with me, what was I doing in that room etc. He said that halfway through last year, he had pointed out to me not to go into that room; it was not a communal room, it was a private room. He ended by saying that I shouldn't go into that room, not unless 'you want to contribute money to the upkeep of that room.' I replied by saying 'no.'
But here's the thing: after returning to my room after the Xmas holidays, I found an empty packet of cigarettes and an empty can of beer. I don't smoke, and I don't drink that brand of beer. I came to the conclusion that someone must have stayed in my room. I confronted them about it, and they admitted to it. He drank in my room, he smoked in my room, he was drunk in my room, he slept in my bed. Sinc then, they have had someone stay in my room; albeit with my permission.
When you compare these two incidents, which is worse? Is there not a huge contrast between me simply going into that room, and them actually using my room? And yet, I was made to feel so much worse; what I had done was worse.
What is your opinion on this?
Whilst at university, I shared a house with three others. One day, I went into what I thought was a study room, when my housemate caught me in there and got very angry indeed 'How dare you go into my room? How dare you go into my room?! I told her I thought it was a neutral study room, which anyone could go into. She told me I was wrong, and went into her room, where she continued to go about it, by telling her b/f that she paid money each month for that room, and that it wasn't a neutral study room, and how wrong I was etc.
I avoided them for a few days, as one does after such incidents. A few days after, her b/f knocked on my door, saying he needed to have a word with me, what was I doing in that room etc. He said that halfway through last year, he had pointed out to me not to go into that room; it was not a communal room, it was a private room. He ended by saying that I shouldn't go into that room, not unless 'you want to contribute money to the upkeep of that room.' I replied by saying 'no.'
But here's the thing: after returning to my room after the Xmas holidays, I found an empty packet of cigarettes and an empty can of beer. I don't smoke, and I don't drink that brand of beer. I came to the conclusion that someone must have stayed in my room. I confronted them about it, and they admitted to it. He drank in my room, he smoked in my room, he was drunk in my room, he slept in my bed. Sinc then, they have had someone stay in my room; albeit with my permission.
When you compare these two incidents, which is worse? Is there not a huge contrast between me simply going into that room, and them actually using my room? And yet, I was made to feel so much worse; what I had done was worse.
What is your opinion on this?
Answers
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Yours was an honest mistake, they were just taking the P***!!! If it hadn't been pointed out to you that you were not allowed to use that room, then how were you to know? Also if it's that private why did they not lock it? Or at least put a note on the door explaining it was private and they paid extra for it.
What they were doing was far, far worse as it sounds like they were just doing it to get back at you and prove a point that didn't need making!
You say whilst you were at Uni, so I hope that you have either finished your studies or will be sharing with someone else when you go back, if not then I would get a lock put on the door!
They were most defo in the wrong, not you.
What they were doing was far, far worse as it sounds like they were just doing it to get back at you and prove a point that didn't need making!
You say whilst you were at Uni, so I hope that you have either finished your studies or will be sharing with someone else when you go back, if not then I would get a lock put on the door!
They were most defo in the wrong, not you.
No, what they did happened before I went into that room.
I went into that room because I thought it was an open room and if you needed something, you could just go in there and take use it i.e if you needed to use/borrorw a dictionary, then you could just go into that room and use it.
How wrong I was.
I went into that room because I thought it was an open room and if you needed something, you could just go in there and take use it i.e if you needed to use/borrorw a dictionary, then you could just go into that room and use it.
How wrong I was.
-- answer removed --
Yes, its in the past and I would much rather forget about it.
There's a certain irony in the fact that they should insist that I not go into that room (on account of it being a private room) - and then inviting a complete stranger to stay in my room, and do all those things in my room. To me, that's like saying that their room is a private room, but my room isn't. How does that work out?
They're just contradicting themselves - because, by that same token, they should never have allowed their friend to go into my room, either.
There's a certain irony in the fact that they should insist that I not go into that room (on account of it being a private room) - and then inviting a complete stranger to stay in my room, and do all those things in my room. To me, that's like saying that their room is a private room, but my room isn't. How does that work out?
They're just contradicting themselves - because, by that same token, they should never have allowed their friend to go into my room, either.
true, but what can you do about it now?
are you still living with the same people? ( i guess not by the wording of your question) holding on to incidents like this can give you an ulcer, so i would just chalk it up to experience, and next time you share set the groundrules early on, and get a lock for your door
are you still living with the same people? ( i guess not by the wording of your question) holding on to incidents like this can give you an ulcer, so i would just chalk it up to experience, and next time you share set the groundrules early on, and get a lock for your door
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