I Have

marval | 20:53 Tue 27th Mar 2018 | Jokes

3 Answers

I have had to make a lot of cuts at work. I love being a surgeon.

I have been trying to climb the ladder at work for about a year now, maybe I’m just not cut out to be a fire fighter.

My partner suddenly woke up and realised that he was dressed like a Bangkok lady boy! Apparently I misunderstood “Tie me up!”

Every site I go on, there’s an advert pressing me to have a personal avatar done but I won’t be drawn.

Life insurance for cats offer. Buy two get seven free.

I have just phoned my local Indian restaurant and said, “Can I order a chicken madras, pilau rice, a naan bread and some samosas please.” “Are you going to be picking it up?” he asked. I said, “No thanks, it gets too messy, I’ll use a fork.”

I remember very clearly the day my teacher told me: “You will never amount to anything, and you will get nowhere in life if you can only count to ten!” I showed him yesterday when I got a job as a boxing referee.

I once read a book on a well known prisoner. The cell was really cramped and I had nowhere else to sit.

I spent all my money buying early 17th century musical instruments. It left me baroque.

I have just had a game of football with my furniture. It was a drawer.

My dad was an expert with a mitre saw but he was sacked for cutting too many corners.

A man ran into my shop the other day with a bit of beef in his hand, demanding ownership. I think he wanted to be a Stakeholder.