Is There A Doctor In The House?

marval | 15:47 Sat 24th Nov 2012 | Jokes

3 Answers

A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the patient that he has good news and bad news.

He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.

The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."

The doctor says, "Well we are going to name a disease after you."

A baby was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy.

I mean laughing really hard.

All the doctors and nurses were examining the little new born in front of the worried parents, but he kept laughing.

He laughed, hands in tight fists, until tears were rolling down his cheeks.

During the initial exam, the paediatrician slowly unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right.

Nobody in the room believed what was found in the baby's hand.

A birth control pill.

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there - if I get there; so I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."

A doctor at a medical centre received a call from an anxious patient.

"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.

"Are you light-headed?" the doctor asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor.

"My local General Practitioner."

Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what
sort of useless advice did he give you?"

"He told me to come and see you."

A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery.

She asked him, "How long will it be before I can resume a normal sex life again, Doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

There was a case in a hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients
always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of
their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the
supernatural:

Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?

So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the
cause of the deaths.

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again.

The new (unknowing) patient laid there. Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil, and they waited.

8am, the patient was still alive, 8.30am, still breathing.

Just before the dreaded time, the door to the ward swung open.

Then, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.