Lazy 18 year old??

[cameo]

Bit of a long question so please bare with me.
For years my brother, (who is now43), had an affair with a married woman which resulted in the birth of a little girl, (who is now 18).
Over the years they split up afew times and my brother had other girlfriends. He always had contact with his daughter.
About 2 years years ago he met and fell in love with a woman and they decide to set up home together. Shortly after this the daughters mum died suddenly.
Now my brother has never had a DNA test done to confirm that she is actually his daughter, he just insists that she is - there is a family resemblance.
When the girls mum died she was informed by members of her family that my brother was her real father. She accepted this and said that she had suspected something.
She decides to move in with my brother and his new girlfriend as she didn't get on with her 'dad'.
We were all really sympathetic at what she had been through - loss of her mum, truth about her dad, moving home ect.
The trouble is she wont go and look for a job, she is dirty and refuses to have baths as she says she doesn't like them, (they don't have a shower). When, under duress, we get her to go for an interview she doesn't even make an effort.
My brother is at the end of his tether. He doesn't know what to do. we've all helped her with the loss of her mum. She's been to the doctors, because he thought she might be suffering from depression, but yhey said that she's ok and that there is no medical reason why she can't work.

Does anyone have any advice on what my brother can do, short of throwing her out.
This is causing problems with his health because of all the stress.

Any help at all will be gratefully recieved.

[atolhurst]

She's 18 and she won't shower?!?! Regardless of what she's been through, perhaps someone ought to tell her to grow up a little. Does she not realise she pongs or that he hair looks awful?

As to getting a job, does she get pocket money from your brother to go out etc etc? Perhaps cutting that off until she makea a contribution would change her attitude. If she doesn't like going out, stop buying food she likes, magazines etc until she pays her way a little.

Perhaps your brother ought to talk to her other 'dad' about this, and try and find out what went wrong between the two of them. If it's thge same thing (her general attitude) maybe she' s trying to play one off against the other, which they may need to unite over to beat this.

[libby1980]

It sounds to me like she is depressed, especially the fact that she has no interest in her appearance etc. I think she needs to go back to her doctor and get referred to a therapist and take medication if needs be. In the meantime, trying to encourage her to do exercise, eat well, sleep well, not drink too much can all help. Be patient with her, she probably feels awful and helpless at the moment! Good luck

[oldwoman]

I know at lot of people would disagree with me but as I see the situation it`s pay back time. She probably feels your brother has let her down over the years and she`s now going to make his life hell. The more stressed he gets the more she will try some other way to wind him up. I f she doesn`t want to bathe say thats fine{she`s not going to die from it}. If she wants new clothes take her to a charity shop The more she gets pandered to the stronger she will get. I bet her ultimate is to split your brother and his girlfriend up.It`s not so much fun if nobodys worked up to distraction. If this doesn`t work you may need to seek youth counselling, as a last resort.show her the door.

[cameo]

Thanks everyone.
i have told him to ignore her behaviour, but i think that is easier said than done!
maybe he should seek some youth counselling for her.
I don't know -

Thanks again xXx