Would my teacher understand this situation??

[irishchic2012]

My year head / dean in school has helped me through almost everything I have had problems with and he has told me that I should never hesitate to come to him that his door is always open that he is there to support me, but also that I should try to sort out strategies for myself. the situation is as follows.. A boy in my class keeps asking me to flirt with him over text. Asking me if I still like him (cause I used to), but also in the past he has asked me to meet him outside class to touch and as he says "flirt dirty" hes been texting me asking for me to flirt with him as that would impress him he says but hes starting to freak me out i'm just really worried when I go back to school he'll keep asking me and even start touching me, because he has asked to meet me outside toilets in school to hug and to touch my backside, this boy's renowned for this sort of thing, and it's not the first time he's said this to me. i'm just really paranoid about this situation as he is in my class. I have heard about a similar situation in the year above me and the vice principal (head of pastoral care) had to ring social services about it. Will my teacher understand this situation? one of my best friends says she'll take me up to him but I'm a little embarrassed will he mind if I say that. Please I don't know how he will react..I have taken his advice and tried to deal with it but it's not working, will he mind? Any ideas thanks, am I over reacting?

[boxtops]

I would go to your pastoral teacher rather than the headmaster - the pastorals are used to dealing with all sorts of personal situations, and if there is anything the headmaster needs to know, you can be sure that they'll tell him.

How old are you and this boy?

[maggiebee]

Try Facebook

[boxtops]

I think that's a really bad idea - airing problems on FB is asking for trouble.

[irishchic2012]

we are both 15 in the same form class

[boxtops]

Don't let him bully you - just tell him you're not interested. You're probably a challenge to him if you don't respond in the way he wants you to. I'd still speak to your pastoral teacher.

[DTCwordfan]

Your pastoral - and take your friend if you have full confidence in her.

I had to do this at a younger age when a teacher took photos of a friend of ours and three of us went forward to the HM.

[maggiebee]

Can't you just tell him to p**s off. You're 15 for goodness sake!

[tinkerbell23]

Tell him you are not interested and to stop texting...and stop replying - your not over reacting....if you are nit comfortable tell him to get lost hunny x

[Kassee]

Ignore this boy - he sounds like trouble. Dont send him any text messages and dont message him on facebook or allow him to message you. Block him. Or change your number. He sounds like an odd ball.

Yes tell your pastoral teacher, or any female teacher that is sympathetic, tell her that you feel threatened by his odd behaviour - whether you do or not - you want it stopped.

[Kassee]

He has asked to meet you outside the toilets to hug and touch your backside - it sounds as though he needs a "thick ear".

[tinkerbell23]

He sounds like a normalish 15yr old boy interested in the girls.....however as i said you are not comfortable....tell him to get lost x

[Kassee]

I wouldn't think "normal guys" ask a girl to "flirt dirty" Texting on their phone - probably so he can show all his mates the dirty messages. And asking to meet outside the toilets - is that normal ?

There are plenty of nice decent "normal" lads out there - this chap is not one of them.

[lcg]

text him once that you are absolutely not interested and if he keeps texting you that you will report him for harassment (keep any texts as proof). keep a copy of your text and see how the situation pans out. if he approaches you at school, tell him to get lost and you are not interested in such a dirty, gross little git and he is a freak (very loudly). if he tries to embarrass you, reply that if that is his version of trying to impress a girl, then he should try one of the other sluts in the class as he will get a lot farther. don't keep quiet and suffer in silence. if he continues, tell your teacher or your parents if you are able to. if you have sent any texts in the beginning to him, you may have to explain yourself but it does not mean you have to put up with sexual harassment - which is what this is. remind him that he might get a reputation as a sex case which will follow him around for a while unless he starts to behave himself. and feel free to batter him if he actually touches you - poke him in the eyes or knee him in the balls. hopefully he'll soon get the message - you can be as forceful and direct as you need to be in order to make your point and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. be strong! x

[Kassee]

maggiebee - you are not giving very good advice - facebook would be the last place to try and solve anything. "You're 15 for goodness sake - tell him to p*** off" what kind of advice is that??? If you were a gobby, loudmouthed girl I doubt very much he would be harrassing you in the first place. But you are not and at 15 there is no reason at all you should not ask for help in dealing with this, or at 18 or 20 or at any age. You are being harrassed - and it is best to get help from other people, in your case teachers, or friends, to deal with this guy and stop this harrassment.

[Mosaic]

Given that this is not a wind-up: Irsihchic, irrespective of your age you are being sexually harrassed. Harrassment, bullying, victimisation - all the same thing. You are receiving sexual advances that you don't want and haven't invited. If you are in the UK this is against the law. I can't speak for other countries - but if you are in ireland I expect similar laws will apply.
It's also illegal in the UK to use the telcom system to cause fear or humiliation. So your SIM card becomes forensic evidence if push comes to shove.

You should speak privately to your head of pastoral care / student welfare but at the ame time speak with your parents / carers. You are entitled to go freely about your business and this person sounds creepy. What you don't know, is whether he just gets of on sending offensive suggestions or whether he will act out his nasty pervy fantasies.

So treat him like a proper grown up ie get the authorities on his case. Chin up and good luck.

NB don't whatever you do go on social networks about this. Don't answer his texts. And it might be safe not to gossip with people about it till it's boxed off.

[Kassee]

Well said Mosaic !

[lcg]

and no...you're not over-reacting x

[Kassee]

Hey Irishchic, dont forget to let us know how you get on ! Hope you have got it all sorted !

[irishchic2012]

thanks for the advice, I spoke to my year head first thing this morning but I didn't realise that he was going on a residential trip 10 mins later and won't be back till wednesday evening, but when I told him he was as nice as he could possibly be and he asked me to speak to the vice principal who I have mentioned above about this situation as he couldn't do anything about it at that time because he was leaving so soon. He then asked me to go and speak to him on thursday morning first thing about how I got on with talking to the vice principal, which I thought was very kind and helpful. I then went to the vice principal with my mate I told him about the messages, his reply being "he likes you".. I was so angry because I know who else he has said this too and he could tell I was annoyed with him and all he could say then was I'll call him up.. Which I was happy enough with. as this boy is in my class I know if he was to be called up and did he?? Nope he didn't. What am I supposed to say to my year head on thursday, now I feel even more ashamed that I have spoke to someone who preferred to sit typing on his computer than to resolve a situation of one of his students, I'm so embarrassed and feel so guilty. Will my year head not side with the vice principal any advice? Thanks

[Kassee]

I think you need to tell the Year Head that you are not happy with what the Vice Principal said, and how he dealt with it. I think the problem sometimes a male person has no understanding of how a female person feels in this situation. Thats why I thought you should talk to a female person.

What do you mean by "I know who else he has said this to" ?

I would keep a written record of what the Vice Principal said to you (so that you dont forget). Speak to your Year Head when he comes back, tell him how it is making you feel and that you want it sorted - not left.

Next text or message you get - keep it - and complain that it is still happening - to your Year Head.

You have to be strong. Is there anyone at home that can help you ? There is the Head of your school, and there are the governors. I would also find a female, kind, caring teacher and tell her. But make sure they know how you are feeling about it - worried, frightened, scared, annoyed, however this is making you feel - it has to stop. And it is their job/responsibility to stop it.