Help...do You Think My Bf Is Depressed?

[cherrycola982]

Ok so I don't want to appear disparaging or judgmental towards anybody with a personality disorder or mental illness. I am genuinely concerned about my BF, if you view my other questions, you will see examples of his behaviour. I have tried to broach the subject of depression with him, but he just reflects back on me and says I am depressed (I am not, I am just a moody person!)
Ok so he is 42years old, I am 34. My BF hates his job so much, has had issues with work disputes and does not really like his colleagues, he has strained relationships with most of his family members and no real close friends to speak of. I have a good family network, friends and my children (13&9) I am currently not working but in the process of starting a new business. I am happy except for this one area, my BF takes really small comments to heart & sees them as a massively personal attack. He is always emphasising his good points, like telling me what a fair person he is. However when it comes to arguing he is so unfair, he holds onto the slightest thing I say or do and perceives it so negatively. Then anything I say to defend myself or explain my behaviour angers him and he sees it as me bullsh****** or making excuses.
I wouldn't even have to say anything at all if he could let go of things easier! Like I say I am moody, but just lately I have really tried to keep my mood upbeat and I feel so much better for it. We have been getting along fine (personally) but he still finds issues at work or with other people to moan about and consume his time with. So the minute he thought I was in a mood (I wasn't, I just mentioned something to him which bothered me, I broached it in a friendly way though.) he has gone back to his house and been distant, won't talk except to argue. Wants me to explain my behaviour, thinks I am crazy for having an issue with him taking offence at my comment. (basically I mentioned that he had turned my sons football over to check the cricket score - which i thought was unfair)
He was due to be on holiday from work for 2 weeks and spend that time with us as a family. The way I view it, he is making an issue out of my comment to avoid spending the time together. It is almost as though he needs to create situations to be unhappy about? This has got worse since he lost his dog of 11 years which was his best friend. Oh and he smokes weed, which probably contributes to his low mood. He goes to bed really early (like 8pm) doesn't really take pride in his appearance (and he is so handsome) has weird eating habits - barely eats or massively overeats, has anxiety and heart palptitations, always has pain (don't know if real or imagined) He is not the man i fell in love with 4 years ago, I have tried to ask him to go see his GP but he gets nasty and says that I am the one who causes all the problems. None of my friends or family think I am the way he says and I am sure that some of them would be honest if it was. Please help...I need advice! I care for him and even if we aren't together want him to be happy.

[Baldric]

/// if you view my other questions,///

According to your profile this is your first question, at least under this username it is

[cherrycola982]

Yes sorry Baldric...realised that I had left that in & couldn't edit. Copied and pasted question from my yahoo answers account. Just got rubbish answers on there and really am at the end of my tether with the situation. Any help would be appreciated

[Cmitchell]

Hate to say it but I think he sounds a bit of a lost cause. Don't get me wrong, I feel very sorry for him when you say he's recently lost his dog of 11 years, but his behavious sounds too erratic to me. When you say "I care for him and even if we aren't together want him to be happy." Do you mean when you are apart i.e. on a day not seeing him? Or do you mean you could see yourselves splitting up (and therefore you not being with him)? Ask yourself this...Do you really miss him on the days you do not see him? Are you virtually counting down the hours till you see him again? If not then I think it's time to say "Goodnight Vienna".

[cherrycola982]

By apart I mean not in a relationship together. At the moment am definitely not counting the days till I see him...He is dragging me down, but I know that if wasn't like this things would be good? I just want to know what to do for the best, I don't want to be so cold that I just give up on him if he is depressed but on the other hand if he won't talk to me or face up to his issues I cant do anything? So confused.

[boxtops]

It's a hard thing to say, but sometimes you have to think of yourself. If you can envisage 10 years down the line, when he's still behaving like this, and he's dragged down your spirits too, then where will you be? I know what it's like to live with someone who keeps putting you down and being negative about your achievements - I got out. Perhaps you should think about that - you have to think of yourself and your and your children's future. He's no great example to them, smoking pot. Yes, I think he's depressed, but you can't force him to do anything about it. He has to want to get better, I've been there too. Stand back and look at the situation as if you were someone else seeing your relationship - see what you think then.