He Has No Friends........(

[Smowball]

Hi guys, sorry not been on here lately buy been so busy.

I made the decision to take my son out of his state school after it got lowest score in all categories on every single thing in an Ofsted report, and we were all very unhappy with the school anyway before that. We made the decision to send him to a private school nearby. We all knew it was going to be a huge change but he agreed that he would have a better education , more activities, nicer boys etc......

Where do I start? He is one of just a tiny handful of new boys to go into year 9, and the only new one in his House. he has no friends whatsoever. he is quite shy anyway until he gets to know people but has plucked up the courage to go and speak to people - they just either stare at him or blank him completely. One boy went up to him and told he hoped he would die. Another told him that nobody wanted him there.
He has had his whole PE bag tipped out onto the pavement, a new jumper stolen and a stone thrown at his head from behind - he doesn't know who threw it.

I am devastated. And so is he. I have been up to the school, have met with the Head of House, spoken to his tutor and all they keep saying is that this is highly unusual. He was crying the other night and I am at a loss as to what to do next. He spends every break and lunchtime alone in the House lounge or in the library. This morning he said he isn't there to make friends but to get an education but that is all just a front. I know you don't have any solutions but just needed to offload.......xx

[pixie373]

How long has he been there? I was also moved from a state school to a private school halfway through a school year. I was the only new one and didn't know anybody. It took a while to settle in because it really was so different from a state school. But i did settle in and made some really good friends. Just support him, as you are, and be prepared to move him again if needed.

[Smowball]

He has been there a month and joined in September at the start of the school year. He was so positive when he started but now dreads going in and I just feel so sorry for him x

[mosesg]

As per Pixie373's comment about being prepared to move him. check out other state schools in the area to see if there are any with better ofstead reports. It might be worth it even if you have to drive him there or put him on a public transport

[mosesg]

also meant to say I hope teverything works out for him, there is nothing worse than being lonely and bullied.

[Smowball]

There are absolutely no spaces in any other schools other than the one he has just left. He was on the council school waiting list for a space to come up at any other school but nothing ever came up. Hence why we chose the private school.

[bednobs]

have you considered home schooling him? Does he still see the friends from the other school?

[cazzz1975]

Have the school mentioned any strategies to help him settle in and make friends?

[Zacs-Master]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is he just exaggerating in the hope he can go back to his old school, with his old friends?

[mccfluff]

it takes a while to establish yourself in a new school, esp where the kids have come up together through the years and already formed friendships, is it worth him sticking it out for a while longer and hoping it gets better in time?

(although the bullying is out of order esp the stone throwing)

[ClaryS]

I'm of the same opinion as Zacs-Master. It is quite possible he is ' over-egging the pudding' Private schools are very different, especially different from one with a low Ofsted report and he probably feels like he's in Boot Camp not Holiday Camp.Have an Interview with him and his form Teacher or head of house. They are sure to have strategies in place and I'm very surprised they have not given him a 'buddy' to help him settle in. This sounds very unusual.

[Hypognosis]

Sounds like standard bullying tactics - provoke the victim to the point where they throw the first punch. The victim is the one who gets expelled for fighting and the bully gets their status quo back.

The two biggest reasons for getting bullied that spring to mind are

1) He's cleverer than the other kids and makes it known in class*, or makes them feel small in ways that he maybe doesn't realise

2) He's to meek and allows himself to be picked on. Newcomers aren't allowed into the social group ("gang mentality") until they show signs that they can stand up for themselves ("handy in a fight")... but not so much fight in them that they threaten the leader(s).


* he might not be able to avoid doing this, if a teacher insists on focussing questions on the new kid, to test them out and he just happens to be capable of answering correctly. So I don't mean he's showing off just that he's being quizzed and performing well. If other kids mistake this for being "teacher's pet" then you know what comes next.

[althamoss]

Try enrolling your son to an online school. There he can study on his own without any problems. Maybe your son just want to be alone, there are some people that prefer to be alone because they don't like the people around them. Visit the link below for more information about online learning if you are interested.

http://www.careerlinecourses.com/