What more can I do?

[Ghostlove]

Long story short - I was with my partner for two years and we have a beautiful nine month old son. When our son was three months old my partner slipped on the stairs and dropped him, resulting in mild brain damage which is still apparent now via delayed physical development. We managed to get through all of the drama and heartache that this obviously caused, but were arguing a lot and both burying our heads in the sand, trying to ignore our relationship problems.

Two weeks ago we had a discussion (not shouting or anything) which culminated in him telling me he was unhappy, felt trapped and didn't think he loved me any more. Understandably devastated, I went to stay with my mum for a while to give him some breathing space and time to think about what he wanted. A week later, he came to talk to me and told me it was over.

I feel betrayed - I still love him more than anything. He suggested relationship counselling but then when I said I thought it would be a good idea, he said he didn't think it would work and there was no point in trying to repair our relationship. I feel like we owe it not only to ourselves but to our son to at least try to make it work, to at least give it our best shot rather than just giving up with no effort. I've told him all of this and he remains resolute that there's no point in trying.

I feel like I've done all that I can, but it's killing me that he's left and there must be something more I can do to convince him it's worth fighting for. Can anyone help?

[mycats]

Maybe a lot of what he is feeling is guilt? He probably looks at you and your son and feels bad about what happened. That most be very hard for him. Have you both talked about what happened?

[Ghostlove]

Mycats - we have talked about it and he's convinced that what happened to our son has nothing to do with it. I on the other hand think he's trying to repress his guilt so he's convinced himself he has a problem with me rather than himself. No way of convincing someone they're wrong though really is there?

[unruliejulie]

give him some time ghostlove, but don't give up on it altogether. my heart goes out to you with your situation. that is bound to put a huge strain on you both. he may just realise what hes lost in you and you son, if he has a bit of time alone. i will keep everything crossed for you. all my very best xx

[electricblue]

Mmmmmmmm i'd agree with mycats,do you tell him or show him you love him??Maybe just maybe he feels that you dont feel nothing for him,mixed with the guilt you have a guy who needs to talk to someone!

[Ghostlove]

I spent my entire life trying to show him I loved him and have assured him of this several times since the split. I do think he needs somebody to talk to though. Honestly, I think he needs a counsellor but nobody can make him go but himself. :o/

[lia*]

which would you rather, him staying with you and cheating on you, or him telling you that it's over between you both? i imagine it must be hard for you to accept his decision, but you now know where you stand with him so try and move on. don't use your son to keep you two together if the relationship is not working. if it's a one sided love eventually you will get fed up of giving and not receiving. you will become bored and then arguements will start.

[Goodsoulette]

I can't imagine how much guilt your partner is feeling. It must be so hard to be around your son for him. Sounds like he might be running away. I would have also thought he feels like you blame him too. I would have thought counselling would help your relationship.

My fear if you broke up would it could be very easy for him to turn his back on your child, not because he doesnt love him just so he can forget what he has done.

I really feel for you and I hope things work out for the best for you all.

[PinkFizz]

it sounds as thought he just cant live with the guilt over what happened,even though it was an accident and you have told him you love him a thousand times.I would see if he will agree to meet you for a drink and tell him there is no pressure,but you want to clear the air on neutral ground.Then tell him once and for all that you don't in anyway blame him but you understand how devastated he must feel about things. Ask if he will compromise with you and have counselling for say ,a month, and if he still feels that he wants to walk away then you willl wish him well,but he still needs to see his child.With any luck you will be able to mend things and start afresh.I really truly wish you all the best.xx