Shift of Power?

[Reverandfunk]

I'm 37, divorced and currently single through choice. The main reason behind this being whenever I meet a woman she has some kind of baggage (totally understandable and I'm fine with that) but everyone I seem to meet just wants a man on their terms, 'oh I can see you two weeks next saturday in between the gym, going out with the girls, etc etc. Obviously you need to have your own space, but to me it seems ridiculous. My single friends experience the same too, has the balance of power between the sexes moved across to women as they realise they don't need men! Discuss.

[spk]

Back in the day, a sort of deal was struck up in that women would provide their man with sex, emotional support, love and domestic stuff in exchange for warmth, food shelter and security. Since women have started paying their own way, that deal is off. Women have as much right to come and go as men do, have their own life and friends etc. Sorry to burst your bubble but unless you want to support a woman 100% and shes happy with living her life for you, your kinda backing a losing horse

[Reverandfunk]

Isn't it possible to have both though? Be with someone and have your independence? The last thing I would want is someone to be 100% dependent on me or vice versa. It just seems to me that there are going to be so many singles in a few years to come because everybody has got to have "their independence" and no compromise. Perhaps it's previous relationships that do it or maybe it's just the women I meet lol.

[spk]

I see where you are coming from, going on my relationship, I am very independent but I also need my partner for support and although it may appear sometimes that I dont need him and I am self sufficient, he knows that without him I couldnt be who I am. Maybe your previous partners havent been vocal enough in telling you how much they value you, and need you to be their partner? I was single for a long time, and Im very good at it. That doesnt mean I want to be single and do everything for myself though. Alot of it boils down to being with the right person I think. Sorry if Im going off on a tanget !

[Reverandfunk]

I uderstand lol, I think my partners have been vocal for the wrong reasons! Seeing them when they wanted and then I used to get a rollicking for not doing enough with their kids lol. Thanks for the womens perspectivethought I was going mad. Got any mates lol.

[spk]

nah you arent going mad, maybe for your next relationship, you should be a little less available and give them the opportunity to miss you more. You sound like a lovely man its just a matter of time ! I do have one single friend at the moment who is 28 but she can be hard work too- maybe not what you need lol ! Women are nutty I know !!

[Reverandfunk]

Thanks, its just hard sometimes as you try and act as if you're not bothered but in reality you are and personally I can't help doing the kind and considerate bit because that's who I am. Anyway if she's ever anywhere near the West Midlands let me know lol.

[spk]

awh we are up in Bonnie Scotland Im afraid so not much use. It is difficult in this day and age to find a good decent relationship that can last the distance, maybe thats why people are getting so good at being on their own. Suppose they dont think they have a choice. If its any consolation I left a bad 7 year relationship, was single for 3 years before I met my current partner. I played the game for years and was just about giving up when I met the love of my life 5 months ago, so it does still happen honest. Good luck x

[joko]

balance of power...moved across to women...?!

If thats the way you view the sexes then i am not surprised you find yourself in this situation.

its about time men realised that things have changed and they will never change back.
if your nose is out of joint because you feel you are not in control of women then the problem lies with you, not the women.

real men do not mind their girlfriend/wife having her own life and actually prefer it - they want their partner to be just that, a partner, the person they fell for, not suddenly seem to become half a person who has lost who they are.

a couple is 2 people together, not 2 halves of a whole.



btw, if a woman can only squeeze you in for half an hour in 2 weeks , then she isn't the woman for you.

if she likes you she will make time for you

[lady_p_gold]

A different take on it from me is ..... if you meet the right woman for you then there will not be a problem about 'power' or fitting you in on her terms. When relationships work they are in mutual harmony and it will all fit together with ease, she will want to spend time with you just as much as you want to spend time with her. I wonder what age group you are looking at ... if you are 37 then it might be tempting to go for the fit looking 25 year olds who might be a bit more on the power thing. Find someone who is a friend first, or failing that stop looking and you will probably meet her by chance in the most unlikely place.

[HJT40]

I have the opposite! I am divorced with one daughter and everytime I meet someone within two weeks they seem to become control freaks and only seeing me when they want to, if I suggest anything the answer is usually no. Then I hear about the exciting things they have been doing with out me, when I would have loved to have done it with them. Don't get me wrong I have my own life and don't want to be attached to them 24/7! I love a man asking me out, to do things with them, it makes me feel good that they want to do things with me. Balance is an important part of any relationship. If you had a friend male or female who was like that how long would you put up with it?

[luckyeight]

Doesn't sound like you're single thru choice... It sounds like you're single because the women in your life would rather go to the gym or hang out with their girlfriends than see you. Still, well done on empowering yourself despite the harsh truth. ;)

[WendyS]

I think woman have become far more independent over the past generation, as a result of having their own earning power and this has encouraged them to be more assertive about their own needs. This is good when you consider the many centuries where women were regarded a male's chattels with no rights of their own, but it can also make for a rather selfish tendency if their own needs always seem to come first. In any successful relationship compromise is always essential. I'm much older than you and regard myself as one of the liberated generation. But I still firmly believe that the most successful partnerships are those where each partner tries to ensure a reasonable balance between personal space and doing things together.