bullying in the work place help

[lostboy87]

Hi all,

I have just had a phone call from my girlfriend in floods of tears because of the assistant manager at the place where she works.My girlfriend is classed as senior sales assistant at work and has a good amount of responsibility,she opens the shop a few times a week and also closes,she has paper work to do (which isnt really her job but the managers havnt got a clue) shes in charge of staff and looks after the place while the managers are not there.Anyway,my girlfriend practically ran the shop for a few years because of managers coming and going.A new assistant manger started about 6 months ago and she really nasty to my girlfriend,she talks about her to other staff behind her back and undermines her when she gives the other staff thing to do and just basically blames her for everything that goes wrong.The problem is she doesnt see the amount of work my girlfriend does and the things she has to put up with when the assistant isnt there and blames her for the slightest mess on the shop floor.My girlfriend is a very strong willed and confident person and i have never seen her like this before.I have told her to have it out with her but she says she starts to stutter and cant get her point across and feels stupid.The manger doesnt care because her and the assistant are good friends.My girlfriend has alway had praise from other mangers and has never been pulled up on anything.I just dont know what to say to her,i would unde er normal circumstances to just quit but i have just been laid off from and that would not help our situation,also she would not be entitled to benefits.
This woman just seems to be a nasty piece of work who gets off on upsetting people.
What can my girlfriend do about this? any help would be great because i hate to see my girlfriend like this,she is upset most night and dreads work which she never used to and she loved her job!
Sorry this was a bit long,im not very good at explaining things in text!!

[Lil O'lady]

First and foremost, big deep breath, calm down, and then take a series of legal steps.
Your gf needs a representative, be it from a union (join one please) or a trusted friend either from the workplace or not. The role of this person is to be there as a witness and to come to formal meetings with your gf - very important as she is not a hard-bitten lady dog who enjoys a row, she gets upset like a normal nice person.
Your gf needs to make a diary of everythign that has happened, get a notebook to keep it all in, start at the beginning of the problem and spill it all out. Keep this diary private - never show it anyone else apart from your representative. But every time something happens, note it doen - what, where , when, who was around, and most importantly how she felt as a result. (next post)

[mccfluff]

who does she work for - is it a large co with an HR department?

LOL has given you some excellent advice but i would advise your gf to go and talk to HR as well, they are there to support the staff as well as the managment!

[Lil O'lady]

You need to arrange to show this diary to your union rep if you are using one. The next step is more painful. Your gf needs to confront the bully and say calmly and clearly that her behaviour has upset her and is not acceptable. Simply state it calmly, then after any reply say 'nothing more to add'. Make a note of this incident and the outcome if any -usually bullies go beserk at this point. Make a note of this and don't react.
Then ask for a formal sit-down meeting with the bully's boss. Explain the situation (whether they are friends or not should not enter in). Explain that she would like it to stop. Much of what happens next will depend on gf's place of employment. eg is it a small business, is it a chain - the bigger the organisation, the more likely they will be to have a HR section who should deal with this problem. If it is a small business, it will be a harder situation to resolve if the boss decides to back the bully. Gf needs to brace herself mentally, in advance, for this possibility. (next post)

[Lil O'lady]

As a precaution, gf should make an appt with her doctor and explain that she is under intolerable stress due to bullying at work. This is to put down a marker in your doc's notes that says s/he has seen you are suffering from stress - doesn't necessarily mean you are a tranked-up zombie or gibbering under the stairs but is an important means of self-protection.
If this is a small business - and even if it is a large organisation - I am sorry to have to say you should brace yourselves for a stormy time. Workplace bullying costs ths country millions in lost talent and sick leave, and practically nothing has been done to recognise or deal with it. (next post)

[dot.hawkes]

There should be a structured daily task planner clearinly showing who is to do what, that avoids situations like this occurring, everyone should sign the planner on a daily basis and any task not finished should be taken to the next day. once the situation has reached this point it is hrad to get back to being a strong team, and there is more training to be done. As senior sales her direction is being lost through being undermined, but she needs to make sure she is not being performed out by the company and the assistant manager is not following their direction

[Lil O'lady]

The sad fact is that bullies do not seem to change, so the point will arrive where the bully or the victim has to move on. Fairness and what little employer advice that exists says move the bully, not the victim. This seldom happens in reality, as bosses are like water and take the easiest route.
If you have a union helping you, gf can begin to get the right advice for her asap but in this situation the reality is that she will probably want to work somewhere else. The important thing is to take control of this decision and make it in your own time - ie going, but not being pushed. Be wary of litigation firms who promise constructive dismissal payouts as this hardly ever happens.
Be realistic, get what is best for gf out of a lousy situation, and make positive plans that please her for moving on and being happier somewhere else.
Oh, and she is not weak - not a wimp- - the other verbal abuse is 'clearly not a tram player' - she has every right not to be bullied, but the world is not a fair place.

The guy who set up this website died not long ago, doubtless aided by the stress he experienced from bullying: http://www.workplacebullying.co.uk/aethesis.ht ml

[Cockney Guy]

Good advice from L O'Lady particularly about keeping a diary. If the company does not have a union, there is nothing stopping your girlfriend from joining one, it might be usefull later. I think that she should have a word with ACAS on 0845 7474747 or you could do so on her behalf. Just say that she doesn't have the time to make the call herself and has asked you to do so. I hate to hear about these sort of things

[Lil O'lady]

That should be 'team' not 'tram'

[dot.hawkes]

USDAW is the union for retail employees

[lostboy87]

Thanks for the help.Mt GF has just rang to say that she has spoken to her manager and she has basically took the other persons side.She said that if my Gf thinks that she has been pulled up all the time then she needs more training.She doesnt need any training because she did her moving on coarse and scored the highest in the company.This was just her way of saying if you dont like it then leave.My GF has told the manager that it is in her hand and my GF has said she will step back to a lesser role and get rid of the responsibility.She isnt appreciated at all!! my girlfriend said if it isnt sorted she will hand her two weeks notice.The manager talked to assistant and when she came out of the office she just gave my GF a smug smile!!
She works at monsoon (women's clothing)

[dot.hawkes]

If she works at Monsoon, which is a national company, then the manager has acted incorrectly in this situation and should have been alot more formal and professional. Your GF should not even consider giving notice, but should contact the next level which is the area manager, but before she does this she should ask the manager for a meeting which should be recorded. the manager has no grounds for taking any disciplinary action and is so far, if what you say is correct, in the wrong and behaving very badly

[dot.hawkes]

plus 2 weeks notice would not be enough for your GF because of her service, this is appalling and the manager is being ridiculous.

[hundreddolla]

Get in touch with ACAS as stated before. They are fantastic when dealing with things like this. My wife was in the same boat. Sometimes all it takes is for the 'managers' to get a kick up the @rse from ACAS, to sort something like this out.

[tigwig]

Don't let your gf lose her job because of this! At least not until she can find another anyway. This woman sounds like an absolute b*tch and is obviously very jealous, insecure and threatened by how good your gf is. Seek advice like others have said and don't let them get away with it. In the meantime, your gf could look for something else. (easier said then done).
Good luck to you both.

[Lil O'lady]

I would advise you to now take this formally, with union representation (which will put the bejabers up area office, as they will start to fear 'constructive dismissal test case'). Your GF will need legal support as the company will do everything to sweep it under the mat.
It would be unwise to agree henceforward to any 'informal friendly' meetings as it is highly likely management will lie about these afterwards.
But ultimately it's your gf who has to put up with the stress. She may legitimately decide it is better for her to find a job elsewhere as these people are clearly pond life.