Just A Little Collection

marval | 18:44 Wed 13th Nov 2013 | Jokes

8 Answers

I am in the army and my sergeant said to me, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!"
To which I replied, "Oh, thank you very much, sir!"

"Ladies and gents."
That concludes our tour of the toilets.

If people are so amazed by crop circles, they should see the farm near my house. Aliens have somehow managed to cut down all the crops, roll them into enormous cylinder shapes, and stack them by the side of the field.

I found out why Toblerone is triangular today.
So it fits in the box.

BT has admitted to leaking thousands of customer’s details.
It's not the first time; every year they leak the names, addresses and phone numbers of everyone in my town and post it to me in a big book.

Just had a train run over my feet, probably my own fault for wearing platforms.

Everyone noticed my new shoes in town today.
I knew it was a good idea to go out naked.

I bought a book today called "Strange Coincidences".
When I got home I found that I already had a copy.
Weird.

A woman stopped me in the street this morning.
She said, "Do you know anything about cars?"
I said, "I know a bit."
She said, "Could you look at mine and see what you think?"
I said, "Of course."
After inspecting the car for about 20 minutes I said, "Yes, it's quite nice."

I was haggling with a shopkeeper earlier.
I said, "Come on mate. You know how this works. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours."
He said, "Sir, I haven't got all day. Do you want this backscratcher or not?"