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Partners Mother Hates Me
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I have been with my partner for 6 years and for the last 3 years any family gathering on his side where his mother is present I am not invited. He makes excuses as to why I cannot go and I always ask what is it that I've done to his mum but all I get is "nothing" or he'll say the world doesn't revolve around me why am I asking. Is it wrong to think that I should be able to attend family events with the man that I am planning to spend my life with? I am now starting to think of moving on. The fact he cannot see how upsetting it is for me not to be able to attend a birthday or an event where his mum is present is putting me off having a family with him. He seems to think it's ok for me never to see his family. We have had arguments in past and recently where we have decided to make it work but I've never been impolite to his mum where I have see her in the past and I've always been nice to her. In fact my partner has lived with me rent free for 5 of those 6 years and I've looked after her son although he hasn't always been truthful to me in the past when I caught him messaging another girl 4 years back. What is she going to do if I get pregnant as we have been talking about having children. Is she going to expect me to give birth to a child whilst he takes the newborn to see her whilst I'm sat at home? I am scratching my head as to what I have meant to have done to her. I remember 5 years ago when I was a lot more immature putting up a status about him on Facebook when we were going through a rough patch and I admit that was wrong but surely that can't be the issue considering I saw her a year after that and she was fine with me. I have no way of contacting her other than Facebook (I took her off as a friend a couple of years back when I realised she wants nothing to do with me) maybe this is the reason? All my exes families included me. I'm starting to think there is no point to us. My family all like and include my partner. She has cut off other people too for small reasons apparently But I am her sons partner. .I don't get why he can't stick up for me to her.
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You shouldn't sit around thinking that it's you who's done something wrong. You need to be able to face her out about this. Your BF is behaving like a mummy's boy - his comment about the world not revolving around you is very immature. If you have a future, his world SHOULD revolve around you.
What would happen if you just turned up at his mother's house? Or write to her, saying that you're sad that you can't be treated as a full member of the family. What happened 3 years ago? - di you go to events before that?
It sounds, sadly, as if his mother is the most important woman in his life. He might not want to stick up for you, he has his mum to himself at the moment. I think you are right to be reconsidering your relationship - and certainly not to have a child with this selfish inconsiderate man.
What would happen if you just turned up at his mother's house? Or write to her, saying that you're sad that you can't be treated as a full member of the family. What happened 3 years ago? - di you go to events before that?
It sounds, sadly, as if his mother is the most important woman in his life. He might not want to stick up for you, he has his mum to himself at the moment. I think you are right to be reconsidering your relationship - and certainly not to have a child with this selfish inconsiderate man.
You don't know where your partner's mother lives?? Ask him. This is partly his responsibility too. |He's fobbing you off. Have you considered that there could be two sides to this - he could be telling his mother that he's asked you to go to events, and it's you that won't go. You need to have this out with him. How does he get to hear about these social events and birthday parties? It's like he's leading a double life. You're either his life partner or you're not - it looks to me as if you're not, in his mind.
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i am about to have a similar problem - i left my partner after 5 years and he was a wreck and his mum had to support him through it - then we got back together - and she hates my guts.
the problem is, he told her EVERYTHING i said and did - obviously from his side, making me look like that baddy ... we didnt think we would ever get back together, so i dont suppose he thought it mattered anymore.
id always got on really well with her, but the other day while she was away we went to stay overnight at her house - which we have done many times before - and she went ballistic when she found out i'd been in the house ...
my boyfriend knew she wasnt happy we'd got back together, but he was shocked she went that mad about it - even telling him not to come back either. i suspect there was other things going on for her at that moment, but its safe to say i am not welcome at her house anymore
my bf is upset about this, and doesnt really know what to do or how to approach it - does he have a word - he sort of already has but he wasnt expecting such venom, i think he figured she would come round eventually (we have only been back together a couple of months)
but we used to like going to his mums for tea and at xmas etc so he doesn't know what to do now.
i know what she doesnt like me - i thinks its a bit unfair, as she hasnt considered why i left and she knows what he can be like at times, all she knows is she watched her son in pieces - and i understand that.
but in your case you dont know what the issue is ... i think the only thing you can do is ask her ...
perhaps not at a family do, as it may cause an atmosphere, but maybe pop round - perhaps make a neutral excuse to go - or ring her.
is there anything you have done that you believe is a secret, but that she could have found out about?
is there any reason why she may think you have wronged your man - but just not told him?
the problem is, he told her EVERYTHING i said and did - obviously from his side, making me look like that baddy ... we didnt think we would ever get back together, so i dont suppose he thought it mattered anymore.
id always got on really well with her, but the other day while she was away we went to stay overnight at her house - which we have done many times before - and she went ballistic when she found out i'd been in the house ...
my boyfriend knew she wasnt happy we'd got back together, but he was shocked she went that mad about it - even telling him not to come back either. i suspect there was other things going on for her at that moment, but its safe to say i am not welcome at her house anymore
my bf is upset about this, and doesnt really know what to do or how to approach it - does he have a word - he sort of already has but he wasnt expecting such venom, i think he figured she would come round eventually (we have only been back together a couple of months)
but we used to like going to his mums for tea and at xmas etc so he doesn't know what to do now.
i know what she doesnt like me - i thinks its a bit unfair, as she hasnt considered why i left and she knows what he can be like at times, all she knows is she watched her son in pieces - and i understand that.
but in your case you dont know what the issue is ... i think the only thing you can do is ask her ...
perhaps not at a family do, as it may cause an atmosphere, but maybe pop round - perhaps make a neutral excuse to go - or ring her.
is there anything you have done that you believe is a secret, but that she could have found out about?
is there any reason why she may think you have wronged your man - but just not told him?
Jeza I mean to say that he was living with her and her home was repossesed so he moved in with me and my father. We don't have a mortgage anymore so I didn't ask him for any rent or anything and i treat him well. I still live with my father as I am saving and will move out later in the year hopefully. I've never asked the address where his mum moved to I only know the area. I didn't mean that she should be grateful to me only that I've only ever had his best interests. Boxstops maybe he complains to her about me when we argue? Either way he won't have the conversation with me about it. He keeps saying he should be able to go to family events and see his mother without me yet wants a family with me i'm confused
Don't be confused - stand back and look at the situation in the way that we are. If you have a family with him, in the current climate, you will never be able to take the children to see his mother. It's not right. It's time to have that conversation with him. I think this situation is him, not his mother.
I think best answer to Nibble and he's not even been here !
Ok for whatever reason you don't have the ability to contact her directly even though you've met up in the past and even lived with you. (It may well say how somewhere in the OP but that's a lot of test with no paragraphs to try to search through.) In which case you can only take this up with your husband.
Be calm but stress how important it is to you this is resolved. If he can not or will not discuss it, it will continue to be a thorn in your side, and I think you would be wise to consider if this really is the one you have a permanent future with.
Ok for whatever reason you don't have the ability to contact her directly even though you've met up in the past and even lived with you. (It may well say how somewhere in the OP but that's a lot of test with no paragraphs to try to search through.) In which case you can only take this up with your husband.
Be calm but stress how important it is to you this is resolved. If he can not or will not discuss it, it will continue to be a thorn in your side, and I think you would be wise to consider if this really is the one you have a permanent future with.
How does your dad feel about this, by the way? This man is living off his daughter - that doesn't sound very balanced to me, either. You say YOU are saving to move out - is the man going to move with you, and doss off you as well, then? If you buy a house, make sure it's in your name, not joint, if you are paying for it!
Joke. .I fell pregnant about 4 years ago and he pressured me to have a termination..I really wanted the child but because it was before the stage of the foetus having a heartbeat I stupidly agreed as I was vulnerable and alone. He told her he didn't want it and it was to do with him so I'm sure it can't be that. In fact it was her who gave him the money to pay for it. Ever since he has begged me for another child and I've said no until recently. I'm sorry for what your going through. It's not nice is it? Especially that I am very d
Family orientated.
Family orientated.
He is being totally unreasonable. Insist you go with him to the next family get together and if he refuses then finish it. No ifs no buts, finish it. You are being treated unfairly, not as his equal, excluded from one half of his life, he pays no rent, what are you thinking of putting up with this behaviour? Surely you are worth more than this.
This is appalling, SON99 - so life's not all about you, but it's certainly all about HIM, isn't it? What do you mean, "before the foetus had a heartbeat"? There is no such time, it's a living being right from day 1.
Be honest, in the light of this discussion - how do you know that he told her that it was him didn't want the baby? He may well have told her that it was your idea.
You can't go on with this mean selfish man. How can he beg you for another baby when he made you dispose of your first baby? I'm sorry to put it so harshly, but he's a selfish git. Suppose he changes his mind if you get pregnant again? You really need to reconsider if you have a future with this man.
Be honest, in the light of this discussion - how do you know that he told her that it was him didn't want the baby? He may well have told her that it was your idea.
You can't go on with this mean selfish man. How can he beg you for another baby when he made you dispose of your first baby? I'm sorry to put it so harshly, but he's a selfish git. Suppose he changes his mind if you get pregnant again? You really need to reconsider if you have a future with this man.
Tell him that if you are part of his life it should include his family, or you are nothing to him at all. Charge him rent, or get rid, if he doesn't see why you should question him when he doesn't take you to see his mother, he's not respecting you as a partner, in fact he's using you - rent-free. I wouldn't start a family with him unless you got it all sorted out. How do you think your Dad feels living there too.
i do understand why he is stuck in the middle here - if she genuinely does dislike you and has told him not to bring you - and is likely to kick off on you if you go - as i suspect my fellas mum would at the moment - then i can understand why he feels its easier to just keep you separate.
at the end of the day, the events are his mums, not his, and its up to her who goes.
if i had a do, i would also not want someone there that i hated.
i do agree he should be more understanding and be trying to sort the problem out between you but equally, if he knows it wont happen, he cant be expected to just not see his mum or family or attend family occasions.
the issue in my case is with me and his mum - he cannot just 'fix', no matter how much he would like to - he is stuck in the middle and i would never expect him not to see him mum or go to family events because of me - and if the situation was reversed there is no way in hell i would not see my family etc because of him.
at the moment i would not want to go to any family do, because i would not want to get into a confrontation with her, but in future i am pretty sure it will start to irritate me if she doesn't calm down - as i will not be bullied etc.
its a tough situation for you, and i dont think its fair to blame your partner, he is just trying to appease both of you as he cannot 'fix' it
all you can do it speak to her and work it out
it could be that he uses his mum as a soundboard and has had a good old rant and moan about you to her on numerous occasions, out of frustration, just to let off steam, to get it out of his system etc and its kind of backfired as she now thinks you are awful.
that is exactly why i didnt bitch much about my fella to my family -as i didnt want them to hate him and have issues etc
at the end of the day, the events are his mums, not his, and its up to her who goes.
if i had a do, i would also not want someone there that i hated.
i do agree he should be more understanding and be trying to sort the problem out between you but equally, if he knows it wont happen, he cant be expected to just not see his mum or family or attend family occasions.
the issue in my case is with me and his mum - he cannot just 'fix', no matter how much he would like to - he is stuck in the middle and i would never expect him not to see him mum or go to family events because of me - and if the situation was reversed there is no way in hell i would not see my family etc because of him.
at the moment i would not want to go to any family do, because i would not want to get into a confrontation with her, but in future i am pretty sure it will start to irritate me if she doesn't calm down - as i will not be bullied etc.
its a tough situation for you, and i dont think its fair to blame your partner, he is just trying to appease both of you as he cannot 'fix' it
all you can do it speak to her and work it out
it could be that he uses his mum as a soundboard and has had a good old rant and moan about you to her on numerous occasions, out of frustration, just to let off steam, to get it out of his system etc and its kind of backfired as she now thinks you are awful.
that is exactly why i didnt bitch much about my fella to my family -as i didnt want them to hate him and have issues etc
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