How to get him to leave

[mayb]

I can't cope anymore with my husband. I've had years of nasty financial problems all caused by him. I spend my life crying these days. He's controlling my life, making it miserable. He refuses to leave, and I just can't leave. I don't drive and have nowhere to go with my children. How do I get him to go? I'm hoping a seperation will help him realise what he is doing to us. I'm trying my hardest to do the best I can to keep a family going and he is make it impossible.

[stokeace]

sorry to hear of your plight mayb cant you sit him down and tell him how you feel babe?and that YOU want a seperation for the sake of the kids as well?if he cant see what hes doing to you all maybe he needs TELLING.hope things work out for you....

[mayb]

Oh believe me he knows how I feel. We've had the same arguments for about 7 years now. I wouldn't mind the odd mistake, but he repetitively lies about money and gets us into trouble. Saying he has paid something one minute, the next I find someone on my doorstep asking for money.
I shouldn't have to beg and cry at my husband to make him pay the council tax on time (i can't get there to pay, he can drive). It's supposed to be a partnership bringing up a family. I'm doing it in spite of my husband, I just can't cope with the stress. I don't know what else awaits me tomorrow. Each mistake gets worse than the last.

[dot.hawkes]

you can ask the council to send you a card that you can use to pay the tax at your local store, no need to travel anywhere.

[cazzz1975]

You do have the option of leaving however it will disrupt everything, if the kids are unhappy at home with this situation then something needs to be done

last resort though is you leaving with the kids, its better to try every avenue before you get to the last resort

well when my mom was in despair (similar deal, kids, cant drive ect) she phoned up a refuge and we lived there for a few months until we got a council offer of accomodation

http://refuge.org.uk/page_l1-3_l2-557_l3-556_. htm

[maggie55]

After 7 years it is time for action. Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and discuss your options for leaving. There are benefits you can claim if you are not working - as a single parent you could get Income Support, Child Tax Credit, child Benefit and full housing and council tax benefit. You can also get help with financial problems from them - if the bills are in his name only then you are not responsible - are you renting or do have a mortgage? do you have any family or friends you could stay with until you can get things sorted out. Some solicitors offer free half hour interviews for separation issues. Don't let the fact that you don't drive hold you back - you can email or telephone the Citizens Advice. Do you think things would improve if the finances were sorted out? Would he be willing to get help on this as there are other organisations that can assist with repayments. Hope things get better for you

[mayb]

I have emailed CAB (nearest one is too far by bus, I'd not get home in time for school run), awaiting a reply now. I can't phone, we've been cut off.
He even lost his job once and didn't tell me for a month, in that month he didn't even apply for JSA. We nearly lost the home and we owe everybody money now from the bills unpaid when he was off work. He had to take a job earning less than before.
I can't pay at a paypoint as the nearest one is too far away for me to get to, so my husband is supposed to do it on his way home from work. I have a chronic illness, aggravated by stress, leaves me totally knackered. The school run is too much for me as it is.
I do love him but hate the way he is in control of every aspect of my life. Anything I want to do to improve my life he puts a stop to. I once saved money to learn to drive, but I had to use the money to pay for his mot. I'd like to study too.
I can't even have friends, my house is embarrassing, can't afford to make repairs and I'm so fed up I'm not myself. I'm just miserable.
I've asked him to leave, if only for a while, he has family to go to. I don't.
I've even asked Relate but we can't afford it.

[warpig3]

May, you are in a dreadful position but you must think of your kids and yourself first, what is best for them and you? I cannot advise, you have shown a willingness to learn and to take your life forward (with or without him). I assume you have given him every opportunity, now you should seek out your opportunities for you and your children, take some time and think about your options, dont put yourself under any unnecessary pressure and look to the future, your future and that of your children.

take care
warpig
xx

[laurencelolo]

for over 20 years of marriage. not only me but my childrens have seens it all. I have been trapped in a violent, daily bullying, relationship. My childrens have gone through traumatic time too. I have never had a penny from my men.
I have worked until the last days of my both pregnancies,
paid for all christmas toys, school trips, clothings, food etc...
things became so bad that my child aged 14 at the time
tried to end his life. to end my message is to says
DO NOT DO LIKE ME> before going find your rights but think of your childrens. x

[joro]

how are things now?