can of worms subjct

[joggybear]

sorry if similar asked before-my twins not seen their dad-ever-got divorced from only Dad they know (final papers) in October, had upsetting call from 'friend' earlier today, who i only speak to as live in same town as childhood. The twins Dad, (who her brother knows) has heard about my divorce, and 'now' wants access-can i refuse? they were one when got married,so not told them about birth dad.They are 9.

[ummmm]

Of course we haven't got the full story.

[annie0000]

Maybe the real dad thought he was doing a good thing by staying out the way if the kids were being brought up in a "family" now that it's split up he is now feeling that it's appropriate to come on the scene. Who knows? I would be inclined to make contact with him and find out what his intentions are. At the moment all you have is someone telling a 2nd hand story.

[daffy654]

I would be inclined to speak to the twins and explain to them about the situation, but I would not contact the biological dad and would wait to see if he makes contact at all.

[tamborine]

"...medically, genetically, historically....." those are important reasons for knowing one's parents.

[sara3]

I would check under the bridge, myself..

[atalanta]

This exact problem occurred to a man I know. His ex and her new bloke took the boy away while he was a baby before he knew who his father was, and disappeared. Took 10 years to track them down. They then argued that it was too late, the boy was calling a different man "Daddy", other children had been born, disruption to family life would be cruel, . . and so on and so on . . . The real father took the case to court, insisted on the child being told the truth, insisted on visiting rights - the Court agreed and made the mother and her bloke pay a fortune. The real father was only too happy to pay maintenance. However, the boy was mentally wrecked for life - he just couldn't come to terms with what his mother had done. His half-brother and sister were dreadfully upset too.
Don't risk this situation repeating itself with your family.

[ojread2]

You have a choice joggy - tell them in kind words now or let them find out in the school playground

I know which I would prefer
Take heed of the advice already given

[Eve]

I thought similar to oj, there are other ways the twins could find out other than from you telling them so it might be best to control the situation now for the good of the children before situation is taken out of your hands.

We don't know the circumstances and personalities involved or reasons for actions so can't advise as to actions or reactions.

The childrens' feelings and wellbeing are paramount here. You can't take back the choices that were made, all you can do is handle the situation in the least harmful way for the children.

[flip_flop]

Has he been paying, either directly or due to the CSA, for his children?

[joggybear]

Ummmm thanks for 1st reply, thats what my problem is-he sees them twice, maybe, then stops-how would they feel then?? their 'stepdad' is seeing then weekly, more the past week, got no present or card from birth dad. Yes, i do see the point of view that they should 'know' where they come from, but was protecting them. i knew this could happen one day, but pushed it away, as was happy family for years-I have daughter by their stepdad. He's been good father

[joggybear]

ps Atlanta-my dread exactly-

[cazzz1975]

I think you need to contact the twins father and find out his motivation for wanting to be in touch, he may be genuine.

if you ignore it he may appear on your doorstep one day and blow the secret wide open.

[joggybear]

thanks cazzz, I think i've known I have to speak to him, and tell the kids, just didn't want to face it, a friend told me to go on here-she prob knew what most would say