Son Has Ran Away 130 Miles To Fathers House : (

[Smowball]

Hello. To cut long story short my son and his step father have not been getting on at all - and 90% of the problem has been my husbands fault. I had to go out on Sunday morning and left son watching tv - when I got bk 3 hrs later he was gone. My husband had been home and son had told him he was going to shops. After calling and calling his mobile he eventually txt to say he was on a train to his dads - 120 miles away! he doesn't see his dad from one year to the nxt and never hears from him. I have full residence but have spoken on phone to son and he is refusing point blank to come home, and wants to stay with his dad permanently.

I am devastated and do not want this at all. His dad has anger issues and many other problems which is why we split up. I really do not want to go down the legal route as it is so stressful for all, and I don't want to alienate my son but just don't know what to do. Son keep saying that I cannot physically force him to come home. Please - any advice?? xx

[ummmm]

How old is he?

He will soon realise that the grass isn't greener. Teenagers have a habit of feeling they are being hard done by.

What has your husband said about it?

[Mamyalynne]

It does depend on his age really - the legal side may come into it if he is still in full time education. How would you explain his absence ?

[Smowball]

Son is 14, and about to choose his options at school nxt month!
My husband is mortified, upset and ashamed at his behaviour towards my son. He never hit him or physically punished him in anyway but was just on his back all the time, having a go at anything and everything 24/7. Which I tried for months to resolve.

[pixie373]

How old is your son? If his dad is that bad, there is a chance your son will change his mind and come home at some point. It also depends how serious the problems are between your husband and son. If i was in that situation, i would seriously be wondering if i should choose my husband over my son. Especially, if, as you say, it's 90% your husband's fault. Is he willing to speak to your son and try to make amends?

[lady-janine]

smow - very sorry to hear this as i know you have been having problems for some time. no advice just hope that you manage to sort everything out asap. teens have a hibit of feeling hard done by and changing their minds. when he comes home let him know how pleased you are to see him but let him know he has hurt and worried you - just a little bit should be enough.

[pixie373]

Sorry. Typed too slowly! Has your husband said this to your son?

[Mamyalynne]

Well at that age it sounds like everything has piled up on him and he has taken refuge - good that your husband accepts he was wrong to act that way.

An attempt at reconciliation must be made or as I say above you will need to sort things out re schooling etc.

[Prudie]

Poor you, I don't envy your family problems at all. Have you been able to speak sensibly with his father? Hopefully he will deliver him back to you, it's highly unlikely he wants your son living with him isn't it? Meanwhile, I know it's hard, you somehow need to sort out the problems with stepdad within the home otherwise 'officials' will start poking their nose in if he misses school or runs off again. It is quite serious to jump on the train but very common for teenagers to storm off somewhere in a huff,.

[ummmm]

I had a step father that was constantly on my back. It's emotionally draining. You need a serious word with your husband.

[Smowball]

Oh believe me I have done nothing but give my husband hell since Sunday! he cant stop apologising, he has rang and txt my son to say sorry and wants to make things right but it isn't working.

[hc4361]

How long has your husband been in the family?

[woofgang]

well but Smo, why would your son have any reason to think that his stepfather is telling the truth? For the moment I don't think that there is anything you can do other than got legal and I can see why you don't want to do that. Be patient, keep communication channels open, try and be calm.

[rockyracoon]

Sorry to hear all this Smow :(

Is it possible he's still having problems at school? He may come home if there is a way to make him happy in that department as well as the home situation.

Go up there to him, let him know you mean business, things are easy said on the phone and if he actually sees you he may change his mind.

[Smowball]

Ive offered to move his school, for husband to move out till Son is ready for him to move back, nothing is working. But he cant just stay off school! Husband has been in family 10 years.

[bednobs]

IMO he is right - you can't force him to come home.
what does the dad say?

[ummmm]

When did the relationship start going downhill..?

Does hubby still not get to see his daughter?

[tamborine]

I wouldnt change my life choices on my childrens wishes. Your son naturally needs & trusts his own father, let him go. But you stay where youre happiest, even if its against your sons wishes.

[rockyracoon]

Have you spoken to your ex, what arrangements for schooling is he making for your son, registering with Dr's etc, he must be encouraging your son to stay so hound him with questions about his responsibilities, when the reality bites he'll hopefully encourage little Smow to go home to his mum.

[Smowball]

Dad, who lives alone, says he wouldn't have son live with him by choice, but now he is there he isn't going to force him to come home.
Son and hubby seemed to have been getting on but sems to coincide with hubby failing in final court to see his daughter - who he hasn't now seen for over 2 years - and subconsciously or not, son seems to have born the brunt of his frustration. Its an utter mess.

[ummmm]

Probably will encourage him to go home once he realises how much teenagers cost...

Tambo...did you read the question?