Mother And Daughters

[sengas]

Ok , I am a 60 year old woman who has two daughters and two boys. It is my eldest daughter who I so need some kind of guidance she is now 35 settled lovely husband and twin girls just 15 months old now we both live in London and I only need to get one bus to her house twenty minutes away , after she had the twins I gave her as much help as I could at the time , now I have retired from work I am able to see the twins more letting my daughter get out more etc., the thing is things have turned bad it's like she is mum and I the daughter.
I had a history of drug abuse for many years being addicted to prescription pills although I thought I did ok bringing up my kids it seems my daughters won't let me forget , I am totally lost and have no idea what to do or say to her it feels like I am constantly having things thrown up all I get is " things have changed since you were young " , it has come to a point where she is telling me how *** I was a as a parent it seems I am only now good for babysitting the main thing is how she speaks to me it is horrible I would never ever spoke to my mum and say the things she says to me , I get a text or e.mail afterwards saying sorry blab blab blab I can't keep on like this I feel mentally drained was I such a bad mum to warrant her abuse should I take it I don't know what to do my wee granddaughters are just wonderful I live to see them please can anyone give me any advice I love my daughter but I don't deserve how she talks to me help please, thank you.

[dunnitall]

Do feel for you with this but it sounds as though there's unfinished business with her on something from her childhood..have you asked her to duos cuss things with you or do you find that difficult to do under the circumstances?

[dunnitall]

*discuss

[black_cat51]

why can't you just say all that to her?

[boxtops]

Write it down in a letter, senga, and give it to her - or show her this thread....

[masma]

Could she be a bit depressed? Maybe taking out her frustrations on you. The old song "You always hurt the one's you love" springs to mind.

[Prudie]

Can you get your other children to mediate? As she has just become a mum herself she will be looking at the world from a different viewpoint. Maybe she has a genuine reason to have issues with you that needs dealing with.

[soapnumpty]

Things will have changed a lot since you had young children. I have a young child & my mum who is in her 60s thinks it is mad all the things I do now that she didn't do with me, but times change. Don't take this as an attack on you, your daughter is no doubt trying to do the best for her children by following all the current advice. However it does also sound like there is some unresolved issue there from her childhood. You need to ask her what it is that she is still upset or angry about & also tell her how she is making you feel. Write her a letter maybe.

[Sparkles62]

If you are " only good for babysitting" then she is obviously not worried at all about leaving you in charge of her children. X
You say she txts or e-mails you afterwards and apologises, so she knows that she has hurt and upset you,
I would be more worried that she is suffering from some sort of post natal depression, or worrying herself that she is not coping well.
Its a hard one, but maybe you could broach the subject when she is in a good mood, and just let her know that you are there for her, and if you can help in any way, even by just giving her a break then you are willing and able.
Good luck. X