Breach Of Non Mol Order

[lilly76]

My ex was in court today, first breach of non mol by chasing myself and our 10 year old daughter in the car to the point she was terrified. Along with numerous nasty texts and calls. He was a given a 6 month custodial sentence today and i cant understand as i was assured he wouldnt get a custodial sentence. My daughter isnt coping at all and if she ever finds out hes in prison it will destroy her. Do you think a custodial sentence should have been given?

[douglas9401]

Yes.

[carrot99]

"chasing myself and our 10 year old daughter in the car to the point she was terrified" so yes

[EDDIE51]

Yes, definitely. He was lucky not to get longer.
Someone who would chase a 10 year old with his car to the point where she was in fear of her life, is never going to be any use to you or the child.
You need to get this man out of your life permanently before he seriously injures or even kills you.
This is NOT the first breach is it? He has been threatening you with texts and calls, all those are breaches of the order.
People like this NEVER get better they only ever get worse. Get rid of him now !!!!

[Metaphysicalus]

He sounds like a dangerous man. Your daughter would benefit from counseling to understand the circumstances and to allay any fears that she has - children sometimes blame themselves for a parent's abhorrent behaviour. Not sure what your living circumstances are, but if you have the means to move to another jurisdiction that might be necessary. If not, do you have male relatives whom you can call on for assistance, if your ex tries the same thing again? I hope that your ex will also get counselling and understands that his actions are reprehensible to his child, and ceases them. Please take care and reach out to authorities and social services in your community. Very best wishes to you both.

[Peter Pedant]

Quite a lot of the time you arent in control of court processes
" and i cant understand as i was assured he wouldnt get a custodial sentence."
but someone else is - ( a judge in this case )

If you testified that you were chased down the road to the point of terror, then I dont think any of us are surprised at the prison sentence, to answer your question

[New Judge]

Yes the maximum is five years.

And also bear in mind that despite being sentenced to six months he will definitely be released after three months and almost certainly (unless he falls into one of the exceptions) be released under "Home Detention Curfew" after six weeks.

Your daughter will be far more readily destroyed if this odious creep is allowed to continue to terrify her as you describe than if she discovers he has spent a few weeks in prison.

Put as much distance as possible between the two of you and him. Do not pass "Go"; do not collect £200.

[EDDIE51]

You need to inform the prison that you will not have him back. That way the prison has to give him information about finding somewhere to live.If you do not do that when the prison release him they just give him a travel warrant to return to his home town. The prison will also make sure he knows that he has to comply with the terms of early release on licence, in a case such as this that will include not returning to his old home. If he ignores that and turns up anyway he can be returned to prison until he has served the full 6 months.
The police also should be aware of his release date and should visit you to make sure he has not tried to come back.

[woofgang]

So you don’t think he should be in jail for violating a court order, chasing you and your daughter and terrifying her?

[EDDIE51]

^^ This is yet another case where the victim 'does not want to lose him, because he is a good man really'
We get them all the time, a person ( usually a woman) is attacked by a partner /ex partner and makes a statement to the police. Then they want to retract the statement because they 'don't want to lose him etc, etc.
lilly76 .As I just said we get posts like this all the time. The sad fact is that once a man has attacked, hurt, threatened a woman/child they NEVER get better it just gets worse. Make sure this man does not come near you again, you have an non molestation order in place and he has been jailed for breaching it! Learn from that and make sure he stays away! Your child will be far better off without him, I know it's hard but you have to use this chance to make a life for yourselves that does not include this man.

[lilly76]

Thanks for all your comments, I made the decision this time to get him out our lives as this has gone in for 20 years. I was with him from 19 years old. He can hurt me as much as he wants but not my daughter or family. He needs to know this is not acceptable behaviour and I do not want my daughter ever thinking this is how I man treats a woman. I have a new boyfriend now who is very supportive. I feel guilty in the sense I let things get this far and my daughter has seen more than she ever should have, I should have left before she had a chance to know him.

[waterboatman]

Indeed yes.

[waterboatman]

It will be in her mind when she's looking for a suitable boyfriend lilly. She has seen what some men are capable of.

[EDDIE51]

I'm very glad you have seen fit to get rid of him. You need to inform the police that you do not want him near you. As there is a no contact order in place they should tell him that if he comes near you he will be arrested and returned to prison. As NJ has said he will only serve 3 months and get the last month of that out' on tag' ( home detention curfew to give it the proper name.) This means he has to wear an a tag on his ankle that tells the tracking company where he is, he has to be at home during the curfew hours. As I said before tell the prison authorities that he is not to come near your address so that they don't just give him a rail warrant back to your home town on release. Remember he will only be 'inside' for 8 weeks on a 6 month sentence.

[EDDIE51]

I meant to add ,make sure you change your phone number ! The phone company will do it free in a case like this.

[lilly76]

There's a restraining order in place, the courts issued as non mol will expire by the time he's released. At present my daughter won't speak to him and he's does not have access. I'm hoping that if she does de use down the line she wants contact with him it will be under supervision, he will not get time alone with her. I have changed my mobile and he's not allowed anywhere near our home. My house will be sold once he's released and finally put this behind us.

[New Judge]

Good for you, lily. That's the way to do it. But just one thing:

"He can hurt me as much as he wants..."

No he can't. I don't know what gives you that idea but he can't. It's not part of the deal. Please don't live your life believing it's OK for men to hurt you. The danger is that if you believe it, your daughter will grow up to believe it. It's not and at the first sign that they do you get out - fast - and inform the police. It's the only language they understand.

[jourdain2]

Lily- if the house is not already on the market, get it on now, please. I have an idea how you feel and a house sale dragging on ( which means he knows where you are) is a dreadful strain. Very best wishes. No-one deserves to be terrorised, to lift the phone and the heart starts to hammer when you hear that voice....., to scan the road as you leave the house, etc.. Keep the police fully informed of everything and disappear a.s.a.p.. Good luck :)

[lilly76]

Thanks everyone, my house has been on the market 2 years and have recently dropped price so hopefully now the market has picked up I'll have a bit of luck. Very grateful for all your replies and if anyone is going through the same, get out. It's not your fault you shouldn't feel guilty. I've learned the hard way, I thought it was my fault and I must be provoking him, but then how do I justify what he does to our daughter, I can't! There is no reason he behaved abusivly he was a control freak with anger issues. No one deserves to be put through mental physical or emotional abusive, even now he still lies so my daughter feels guilty, this is why I have stopped contact. My daughter is 10 and now in therapy, I'm lucky I have amaZing support through family, friends, social services and the dv team not to mention my boyfriend.

[jourdain2]

It's a difficult change of understanding how your life really is, Lily, well done for making that realisation. I do, actually, know that moment when 'the scales fall from your eyes and you see properly'. You have my sympathy, my encouragement and my best thoughts and hopes go with you and your daughter. :) Have courage, you will be OK.

[jourdain2]

^^ You have support from us as well. x