Solicitor's Letter Is Being Ignored.

[jourdain2]

This goes back to my post on Family, 29/11/16. Stepson has walked out on long-term partner and refuses all contact except on own grounds, will demand entry to house for things he wants. He has not contacted any member of his family since then. Mr J2 had sent cheque for birthday days before we knew of this and it has not been cashed. Massive mid-life crisis & I am certain he has had a breakdown (he has behaved cruelly and callously as if no family matters at all).

However, poor partner (Teaching Assistant, not well-paid and rest of family is solidly with her) is trying to keep largeish house in Devon going (she owns 1/3rd) - he has told her that it will be on the market next month. He is living with new woman in rented house (we have discovered they are illegally subletting) and refuses to pay any part of household bills (e.g. rates). The solicitor she consulted says that he must pay his part and wrote to him a month ago - no response. This cost her £50 and she simply can't afford to keep doing it.

Any help out there, please? Stepson just won't speak to anyone.

[EDDIE51]

Just a point, a solicitors letter has no more legal standing than you just writing it yourself. So save the £50 next time and just use recorded delivery.
As to the problem I can't offer much help, sorry. The solicitor is correct in that he has to pay his way.
If his partner ( I assume they are not married?) owns 1/3rd then he needs her permission to sell, as I'm sure you know.
You will have to get back to the solicitor for advice. ( but write any letters yourself) The partner may be eligible for legal aid , not sure now as the rules have been changed, but get her to apply anyway , they can only say no.
The sooner she tries for legal aid the better as it can ONLY be awarded to one side in a 'matrimonial' dispute,( which includes partners & not married couples only )
Are there children involved? that could swing it for legal aid if there are!
Partner should also contact 'Shelter' the homeless charity for help as there is the possibility of losing her home.
Now I think of it, Shelter may well be more help than a solicitor !!
Shelter website here ,they have a telephone help line that she needs to use!
http://england.shelter.org.uk/?_ga=1.257794955.1682394017.1483643369

[EDDIE51]

Definitely call Shelter, they have a legal department and are completely free.
As I said, they are specialists in this type of problem.

[atalanta]

Citizens Advice Bureau can help.

[ladybirder]

Shelter is better, they specialise in this area. Have a look in their website. Very useful.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice

[jourdain2]

Thank you and bless you all. I feel lost with this and poor D (partner) is still saying she'll take him back and is unable to be firm. I and others have urged her to take charge, and she is getting there, but she is in a desperate situation. He even took the dog, which she adores and looked after more than he did, and we have reports that the poor animal is not getting the miles of daily walks he is used to. Particular thanks to you EDDIE, but to every one of you a very heartfelt 'thank you'. It's hard being on the outside and a long way away. I'm ringing several times a week and doing my best. Mr. J2 is as you can imagine- no response to email card etc. and has abandoned hope of his eldest son. Whole family in disarray.

[ladybirder]

Oh gawd, now I'm worried about the dog as well. Did he have it first before they got together?

[jourdain2]

No, ladybirder, after they got together and once they were established, they got Rusty (bearded collie now c.9 yrs.). Problem is that SIL has his name on the papers and has taken him, no matter what. Partner works, yes, but Mr.J2's other son has camp site and several acres and a motley pack of canines with whom Rusty is friends. In other words, Rusty could join them happily during the day if left with partner - but son has cut all ties with family and poor dog is alone all day and (from reports) not getting much exercise. Horrible situation which could so easily be remedied.

[EDDIE51]

The son in laws probable mental health issues are just making the situation worse. Any hope of getting hold of the 'new woman' and see what she has to say? What he is telling her is possibly very far from the real situation. She may be as worried as you are if the truth was known!
But the first priority is to get Shelter involved, they really are the experts in this type of situation, they will offer practical help as well as advice and 'a shoulder to cry on' !

[jourdain2]

EDDIE I am so glad that you are out there. He made her sign a 'Declaration of Trust' which (being in love) she did and that means he is within his rights to give 3 mths. notice. I've just got off the phone to D and she is very grateful for your advice and will contact Shelter. No children. This is hurting Mr J2 badly, he's made of tough stuff, but.....

Stepson has, however, broken the 'Declaration' in several ways so D will use these and will contact 'Shelter'. She had not thought about them.

[ladybirder]

A Collie left alone all day, especially one who isn't used to it, will soon kick up and let it be known he's not a happy chappie. You will know Jourdain they have boundless energy and intelligence so perhaps if he makes a real nuisance of himself they might be glad to send him back especially if his new partner doesn't like dogs.
What a dreadful situation for you all.

[jourdain2]

We're keeping our fingers crossed, ladyb., and hoping that Rusty will misbehave enough for stepson to chuck him out. Then he'll be fine running with his mates. Terrible situation. \:(

[murraymints]

Jourdain..I think you will find a declaration of trust is just a bit of paper in the eyes of the law..a civil agreement with no validity when it comes to the nitty gritty...may be wrong...but I had a civil agreement upon separation and was told by solicitor it was as binding as a toffe paper in court !

[EDDIE51]

I don't think the 'Declaration of Trust' would stand up if it came to legal action either. It was made 'under duress'. But it makes it even more vital to get proper legal advice quickly.
Rather than just sending letters I would actually go and see the stepson and his 'new partner'. Don't be demanding and 'short tempered' but carefully explain the problems he is causing. I still think the 'new woman' has probably been told a very different version of the story, and will be unaware of the real situation.
I would try to find a way to explain to her the real situation without the stepson's interference. I know there will be 'problems' to this and it will need tact, understanding and compassion. Do you know anything about her?
But as I said the most urgent problem is getting proper legal advice via a solicitor or free from Shelter. Get the application for legal aid underway as well. If she is successful it will be a huge advantage, if not she has lost nothing!
Also I think solicitors , or some of them, still offer the '1 hour of free advice' service or initial advice for a set fee.

[jourdain2]

Thank you, minty X Thanks yet again EDDIE. I'll get on the phone to D again this evening. We're so far away, us in Yorkshire, her in Devon. We don't even know where SS is living - except that he's a couple of miles away and doesn't answer his mobile phone, think he's got a new one.

The more I hear about the new woman (discovered her name and will refer to her as T) the worse it gets. She and SS were old school-friends and it turns out they had an affair years ago when SS was married to 1st wife (she died young, of cancer). Anyway, apparently she bought cannabis for her son on his 14 birthday and they got stoned together. SS could, of course have started using something. It's an almighty mess and the messages about proper legal help has been taken firmly on board. All the advice received will be passed on.

Talking to her must be tried, but she did have the brass neck to move in with SS before he moved out of his house i.e. whilst D was there -D forced into the spare room for a couple of weeks . It is insane and I'm a bit out of my depth with the legalities. I coped with my own divorce in France, but this... Wish I were nearer. Fortunately Mr J2's other son is nearby and he and family are being very supportive and trying their best.

Anyway thanks again. D was so relieved when I told her about Shelter. xx

[jourdain2]

^^^^ grrrr 'have been taken firmly on board' as I typed.

[EDDIE51]

Wow what a story!
The big problem now is that SIS thinks his long term partner is 'push over', he has treated her like a doormat, 'walked all over her' and got away with it!.
It is VITAL that she adopts a far less submissive approach and stands up for her rights!
She needs to be convinced that he is NOT going to change and she needs him out of her life now and forever.
The first thing that MUST be done is to put a hold on his selling the house!
That is a the priority and needs to be acted on first thing tomorrow morning! Get her to phone Shelter and see if they can get a temporary stop put on a sale until she has got her full response sorted out!
If Shelter can't do it she will have to get a solicitor on the case. Can you find out which estate agent he intends to use and warn them that the house has a sitting tenant so can't be sold?

[jourdain2]

Thanks EDDIE, I've just come off the phone to D. Fired her up, assured her of support and offered to phone Estate Agents myself when she finds out who my stepson (A from now on, it's shorter) appoints. She had contradictory advice from solicitor she consulted who thought that the 'declaration of trust', signed in front of solicitor when they first bought the house had dished her. I've pointed out that his very unreasonable behaviour in importing his inamorata would invalidate any agreement and that advice received holds that it is not binding as it was signed under duress. She quibbled a bit about that, but I pointed out that he stipulated it as a condition of buying the house and that was duress.

She spent some time on Shelter's website today and got lost in it, but she has found the number and has promised me that she will ring tomorrow. I've also made her promise not to sign anything or to let him into the house.
She seems to think that she has to allow access. I've told her that she can give him books or whatever at the door and claim that she feels intimidated - she does! Also told her to get recorded delivery on any communication. Etc., etc....Terrible, but I think I've got it through that she needs to look out for herself and that she is not alone.

I'll have a look at Shelter's site myself. Again, many thanks. I feel beset at the moment (husband of friend took his own life). x

[EDDIE51]

How terrible for you on top of all this. Not sure of the access question
but I think in view of his inappropriate behaviour she would be justified in not allowing him access but allowing him to collect any of his property by leaving it on the doorstep for him to pick up.
Will get back on here later after I've taken the Grandkids to school.

[murraymints]

goodness Jourdain how awful for you....she really needs to toughen up now...there is something you can take out to prevent a jointly shared property being sold..schedule D or E notice ?? I had to do it when I left ex...estate agent/solicitor will advise....she needs to contact council tax folk to get her single occupancy rebate....I would change locks and NOT allow him in..certainly not when she is alone....

[ummmm]

I don't think she can deny him access if he partly owns it.