seperating

[barber]

i am not married have lived with boyfriend for 4 years have a 3 year old son .now the relationship is over and i want to leave ... he said i can go but can't have the boy please can you tell me where to go for help CAB wern't very helpful they seem to want to do everything through court which i want to avoid if possible HELP

[JRB]

When a relationship like yours breaks up it is usual for the mother to automatically get Parental Responsibility and the child remains with her. The father can apply for Parental Responsibility and a Contact Order so that he will have access to the child and he has to go to court if you are unwilling for this to happen, but you would have to make a good case eg domestic violence, drug abuse, criminal record etc to prevent it. However it would be very unusual for the court to give the Residence Order to the father if the mother is unwilling for this to happen. The father has to pay towards the child's support in any situation.
So - be brave and go. Your partner is using bully-boy tactics and possibly has not checked his legal facts. The only thing he could do is prevent your taking the child out oif the country on a permanent basis.

I'm sorry that CAB has not been more helpful. Why not try again and hopefully you will see a different adviser who could give you a better picture of your situation.

[ChuffingHell]

Perhaps I'm missing something here but if you are disagreeing over who will take custody of your child, then the only place to go is court as it;s obviosuly not a small matter. Wat is it exactly you are unkeen on getting in to?

Ultimately, if you want to avoid the courts then you need to thrash it with him and come to an agreement between the two of you.

I would have thought getting something legal in place would make things an awful lot easier in the long run for everyone involved. You might be able to come to a civil arrangement short term but if one of your circumstances change and someone decides they want to move away, or things get nasty or whatever, the other partner might go back on what they had previously agreed to making things very difficult for everyone and most importantly, making the child feel unsettled which I would have thought would be everyones main concern.

Good luck!

[themas]

You should come to a voluntary agreement with him if possible - but get it put in writing by a solicitor, signed by both of you and witnessed. If you are unable to do this you only have 2 options:-

1. Leave with the child and hope he doesn't do anything drastic. As already said, this could well cause problems later on; or

2. Go to Court for a residence order.