Teenage Girls!!!!!

[pennychoo]

Hi, hope i can receive some advice in this category? i am finding some of the other categories aren't so keen on 'newcomers'?
Anyway any advice/experience/thoughts would be very gratefully received on my little problem...
My 14 year old daughter and her mate are into a band called (Norma Jean???) well i have no idea? and they are 'on' at Manchester Student Academy in January and they both are desperate to go. My instincts are screaming NO!!! (her Dad is screaming NO!!) but that makes me 'worst mother in the world'
So, i phoned up the Academy to find out a bit, and the (bored girl) on the phone - clearly guessing i was over the age of your average student therefore didn't have a clue, was none too helpful!
She said that it would be a fairly young crowd (?) what? under 40? under 18? and that the capacity is 600!!! there is alcohol served (but apparently thats 'my problem') dorrmen are mooching round in case it kicks off (her words not mine) i was going to take them and then sit in the car till its over, but what do you good people think? i've already told her its 'sold out' but as she lives and breathes MSN she knows i'm lying. Last nights Panorama docu did FAR from help my dilema, Christ when i was 13 all i worried about was what outfit to put Barbie in!! Thank you in advance
xx

[Mrs Y]

Hi Pennychoo. When I was 15, I went to a Prodigy all-night concert at Brixton Academy; thoroughly enjoyed it and was perfectly safe (I'm now 27). It depends on how mature your daughter is, but in my opinion the chance of anything bad happening to her at an organised concert is very slim - there are generally security guards all over the place and there are very rarely problems in places like this. Personally, I would let her go but make sure she knows how to get hold of you if she needs you, and also to make sure she knows you're trusting her not to do anything silly (i.e. get drunk!). Whether you take her and pick her up is up to you and her; how likely is it that she'll come across troublemakers on the journey? Maybe you could compromise and say that she can go, but only if you drop her off and take her home? Just my opinion, but I hope it helps. Good luck!

[luckyeight]

Personally I really wouldn't worry about it - a gig is one of the safest things she could do (I just got tickets for a gig and it said on the stubs that under 14 should be accompanied by an adult - so even in the organiser's eyes it's safe..) If she's like any of the 14 year old girls I know, she's certainly mature enough just to go and watch a band. I'm not a parent but genuinely think of all the things you could worry about for your daughter, this is at the bottom of the list. I would be worried about her being safe travelling more than anything. Also - my word of advice would be - don't lie to her because then she will not take you seriously or respect what you say. Far better to say 'I'm worried about your safety and want to think about it and discuss it' than tell her a lie that she knows is a lie! I think you should let her go. It's just a band - most bands are FOR teenagers :) Good luck.
PS As well, for what it's worth, this is generally not a very friendly site. Just thought I'd mention it - don't feel bad.

[BBWCHATT]

Penny - I was an overprotective Mother - and now I am an overprotective Grandmother. I remember the first time my son told me he hated me - he was 10 or 11 - and it was because he wanted to spend the night with a little boy in his class at school. I told him I didn't know his parents and no one else in our family knew them - they might be the best people in the world - but then again, they might not. I told him the little boy could come spend the night with us if his parents would allow him to. I am sure he thought I was the worst Mommy in the world - I know he thought he hated me - but when we went to bed that night I knew he was safe. Sometimes being the Mommy means being the bad guy too - it isn't fun, but "thems the breaks" for Mommy. Today my son is a grown up man - who was never molested or in trouble with the police or on drugs - and in spite of everything, still loves his Mommy :)

Pay attention to what your "gut feelings" are - and know that (I am just full of platitudes this evening) "this too shall pass".

[chicklin]

I'd contact your daughters friends mum and see if you can come up with some ideas between you. Maybe one of you drop them off and the other collect them later? I assume she's got a mobile? Then she'll be able to call you as soon as the gig finishes and arrange where to meet you (you'd already be waiting outside for her, but this is in case she can't find you amongst the crowds all leaving at the same time). If at all possible I'd do your best to let her go as long as you are as comfortable as you can be with your arrangements and she realised that if she doesn't stick to her side of the arrangements - there'll be no other similar outings - EVER!! But she's only young once.

[pennychoo]

Hi everyone well THANK YOU SOooo much for all your advice, i've taken it all on board and decided to go with a litttle bit of all of it, ive decided she can go, but we will drop her off and pick her up, and she will have to take her phone (not that she will be able to hear it........... but just in case!!) and if all goes well, maybe she can do another one (when shes 25 hee he)
thanks again all............... have a good weekend!!

[chicklin]

Well done on making a decision you're comfortable with. Its never easy to stand back a bit and give them a bit of space to grow up - we're naturally scared something may happen to them if we're not there, but we have to prepare them for the big wide world as best we can then stand back a little and trust them to do the right thing. (the phone is more for her to contact you than the other way round - she'll never hear it!! ) Hope she has a great time - and try not to worry too much!

[pennychoo]

thanks chicklin!! will let you know how it all goes, we have til Jan so maybe she might go off the idea?? and if ive already bought the ticket then............. maybe i can go!!!!! can just imagine how popular i'd be!!! hee hee

[chicklin]

Go Girl! You might enjoy it (don't forget your phone!!)

[andy-hughes]

You needn't worry unduly. I am a music writer, and I have been to The Academy numerous times, and never seen any trouble of any kind. The gigs are supervised - the venue is University premises, so it's all supervised.

Just a word - Academy One is an individual one-storey building, part of the Universtiy Campus. Academy 2 and 3 are part of the main Students' Union Building, on the second and third floors respectively, and there are often separate gis at all three on the same night, so make sure you go to the right one - folllowing the crowd may get you lost! Both buildings are 30 seconds' walk apart, on a main road - oxford Road - so you needn'w worry about your daughter emerging into a dark dingly place.

She will be fine.

[pennychoo]

Thank you Andy!! very helpful advice, cos didnt realise there was more than one building!! Cheers x

[pennychoo]

Ha!! stupid me...............Rated my own answer :(

[magsta]

if you don't trust her now what will do when she is older my sisters daughter is 15 and the bond in the family is better as she is more open and honest the only worry i see is boys and advise to your daughter would then be if the case comes to worse she should seek family planning for contrecepion we all did the same when we was younger teenager are learnin alot more these days hope you find away of solving your solution