Am I being selfish?

[foodluva]

Hi everyone!

Please read my story below. I don't think I'm being selfish but my partner does. Who is right?

My partner bought a car in December and has been complaining that the gears are problematic. He came home from work tonight and said that he wants to book it in for a check before the month-long warranty runs out (on 14th December - Monday). I am in the final year of my nursing degree and am bang in the middle of crucial exams just now (one tomorrow and one on Monday -14th). Anyway, I am currently studying all day (and night sometimes) and am making sacrifices to allow me to do this (i am taking unpaid time off my part time job for example). My partner needs me to follow him in my car to the garage so that he can drop his car off and then get home again (the garage is some distance away). This journey will need to be repeated later on the same day to allow him to collect the car again. I am flamin' mad that he expects me to take at least 2 hours out of my day when I am so busy and have made my own sacrifices to allow me some decent study time. As usual he has left things to the last minute. Normally, I would do anything for him but am I selfish to think this is my time?? He is trying to make me feel bad by saying things like 'I'm sorry this is so inconvenient for you!!!' Well, yes quite frankly it is! But why do I feel so guilty?

[foodluva]

Oops! warranty runs out on 14th January.

[cazzzz1975]

well why not wait until the warranty has run out and pay through the nose? I can see both your points but he has a timing issue, unless you dont mind paying that is..

[cazzzz1975]

bear in mind a gearbox is very expensive to replace.

[Whickerman]

I'm currently in the process of upgrading my skills - it's like a hobby - and have completed a lot of years of third level study. (A LOT of years..!). I can tell you from experience that exam time is no time to have people ask you for anything, very least of all your time. Your partner should understand that - the pressure is bloody immense. Have him get someone else do it, or get a cab from the garage. You need your family's support.

Oh, and in no way are you beintg selfish.

[Poison-Ivy]

You can't study the whole time or your head will just explode. could you follow him when you take a break perhaps as a compromise??? I understand your frustration, i would prob feel the same but no point in arguing or causing bad atmosphere for yourself at this important time. Think you might jus have to bite the bullet on this one for your own sake. Good Luck in your exams xx

[China Doll]

Not selfish but I think you may have blown it out of proportion a little which is easy to do when you're stressed.

But get it in to some perspective, it's two hours of the day which leaves another twenty two should you wish to study that long and it saves money. Plus there's some time before then so perhaps you could incorporate it in to your studying time table.

It doesn't sound like something worth falling out over to me.

[cazzzz1975]

Is there no one else that can follow him to the garage??

[meglet]

Is there no-one else he can ask? How much would taxis cost in comparison to the extra you would pay for repairs outside of warranty? Do the garage offer a collect and return service? If not, can you ask them to do it for you for a small fee (seeing as its a problem they wil have to sort so it could be a good will gesture)?

I can see your point, timing couldn't really be worse!

[bednobs]

you cant study all day - a break might be just what yu need

[foodluva]

Whickerman, thanks for understanding. I just feel like telling the world to f00k off at the moment.

Poison Ivy - you're right - I am studying too much but I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day just now.

China Doll - you are sooo right. I was stressed before he came home tonight which didn't help.

[foodluva]

Problem now is that after the fuss I've made, even if I did offer to help he would refuse it. He's stubborn that way!

[China Doll]

Ah well then, offer to help and if he's stubborn about it then you don't have to worry anyway and he'll have to find an alternative! Chin up, it's just a moment in time.

[foodluva]

Thanks China! Sometimes it's good to seek opinions for a bit of clarity! x

[Scarlett]

He is not going to understand your point of view- I remember the same sense of mad panic I felt when studying for my exams. Noboby is in your position! But he also needs a hand. Maybe if he had been a bit more sympathetic.. is there anyone else he could ask- a mate- who could follow him in their car and drop him off after? He could offer to pay their petrol or buy them a pint after or something. Its not really fair to disturb you. I don't think this is about exams and cars, I think it's about a general lack of understanding on his part, to give you the support you need at this stressful time.

[foodluva]

The problem is that we moved house six months ago and it is no longer very handy for most of his friends and most of them don't drive anyway (N.B I constantly drive him to his friends so he can have a few pints and pick him up so it's not like I normally react like this). His dad could probably do it as he is retired and has a car at his disposal. I will offer to help him and see it through if I have to but hopefully the sulk he has been in for the last 2 hours has given him time to think up a plan B. He's been complaining about gears for weeks so why has he left things til time has almost run out??? Typical man!

[cazzzz1975]

have to agree with you there foodluva, always the last min! and always at the wrong time!

[gucciman]

i hope your not doing what my nursey girlfriend does and leaving all your studying and revising to the last minute rather than having been prepared for the exams for weeks, if you dont know it now your not going to.

[Wotsits31]

The purpose of a woman is to serve her man....... so says the old saying. Maybe if you did, you'd get extras (!)

[eyeshade]

Well I know it sticks in your throat but me and Mr ES are exactly the same. I have to take him back and forth but unfortunately this is not reciprocal and it makes me very mad. However, having said that I think you should run him to the garage. A partnership is about give and take on both sides. He can then do this for you if necessary and I am sure at some time in the future you will no doubt get to ride in his car so I can't see it would hurt that much. You have to book courtesy cars etc. some time in advance these days so he may not get one of these at short notice. Go on take him, you'll feel better for it.