Crosswords2 mins ago
Things kids say
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother... "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; "What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear.”
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
While working for meals on wheels that delivers lunches to elderly people, I used to take my 4 year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little boy got lost at the leisure centre and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle," she said.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark n*ked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
My K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said," What'd he do?"
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and piece of string, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; "What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear.”
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
While working for meals on wheels that delivers lunches to elderly people, I used to take my 4 year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little boy got lost at the leisure centre and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle," she said.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark n*ked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
My K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said," What'd he do?"
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and piece of string, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
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A relative of my grand-daughter's (she's 3yrs) has just died and she was told that this aunt had gone to heaven.
While we were walking in the park, she said that she was going to pick some flowers to give to her when she comes back.
We told her that when you go to heaven, you wait for everyone else to join you when it is time for them to go to heaven.
She looked up at the sky and said "Hello Auntie ...........!"
While we were walking in the park, she said that she was going to pick some flowers to give to her when she comes back.
We told her that when you go to heaven, you wait for everyone else to join you when it is time for them to go to heaven.
She looked up at the sky and said "Hello Auntie ...........!"
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