Are men not allowed to have families?.

[Nascal]

My wife passed away nearly 10 years ago leaving me with 2 daughters.
I have gone to various clubs and have been approached by 3 women to date and have formed a friendship.
In every case I have explained to them one half of my house belongs to my daughters as my wife left her half to them and the other half belongs to me.
They have all been house owners.
The friendship goes well for about 2 years and in all cases they suddenly say we should get married and demand I get my daughters half of the house back and will all of the house to their family.
I did sugest they sell their house to buy my daughters out and my half of the house could then be willed to my daughters and then the other half could be willed to their family on the proviso if she outlives me she would have the right to live in the house until she passes away and vice versa.
This has not been acceptable in any of the cases.
I read in a local newspaper today there are a shortage of middle aged widowed men registered with dating agencies and in singles clubs.
In view of what I have just said I am not surprised.

[NOX]

I'd say you had a lucky escape to be honest. I have no interest when dating a woman how much money ( or even debt for that matter they have), it's all about the person. I'm comfortably off but have a lot of kids so they will get my assets when I croak it, unless of course I remarry and have further children, but in any event if someone wanted half of whatever I had per se they'd be history very quickly.

[boxtops]

This is very sad - you seem only to meet ladies who are after your assets. Your children are your children, if the ladies have families too they should be looking after their own side of the family, not grasping after yours.

It's interesting you say that in each case you have been approached by the women, not that you have approached them - perhaps you should start taking a different approach, it sounds as if you are being seen as some sort of target!

I would stop going to dating agencies and singles clubs, just join normal clubs and societies where all sorts of people go - make a good crowd of friends with couples as well as singles. You could use that as a plan - I can vouch that it works - I met OH through being friends with his family, not by looking for a partner.

[Nascal]

Hi Boxtops

I have never been to a dating agency or any specific singles club.
I did go to a bereaved club where I met my first lady friend and left as many of the other members agreed that all of my estate should go to her family the majority of them women.
I met one at a social club and the other at a leisure centre.
In all cases the ladies were widowed.

[boxtops]

Sorry nascal, I misunderstood - that is extraordinary. I can't understand anyway, what your financial affairs have to do with any of the other club members - it sounds like a gang approach to relationships to me, all for one, one for all!

May we know how old you are, and are your daughters grown-up? Not that it changes the picture but it might make a difference to suggestions that we could make to help you.

[mandimoo]

How horrible. I want to say 'dont give up', but you must feel very disillusioned. Perhaps I will change my advice to 'give up'... then, right when you are not looking, you will meet a nice lady and be great friends and everything will work out just fine. Stick to your guns and good luck!

[Nascal]

I am now nearly 60 and my daughters are grown up / married and I now have 4 granddaughters.

[boxtops]

Thanks nascal - so you are probably meeting ladies who have (as you say) their own houses and finances. Their suggestions that you give up your property to benefit their children is just doesn't make sense, except money-grabbing - how would they feel if you asked them to sell their houses, and leave them to your daughters?
I think you have been very unlucky in this happening to you three times.

I'd stop looking for a while if I were you - good things happen (as it did to me) when neither of you are actually looking.

[maggiebee]

Sorry to hear that Nascal. The boot's on the other foot in my case. Any men I meet seem to think they have landed on easy street because I own my house and car and am not a "poor pensioner". Like you, my family come first with me and I would not give up what I've worked for. Think there's someone out there for you, don't give up - a good friendship is very important.

[hc4361]

Maggie, meet Nascal. Nascal, this is Maggie. :)

[Ann]

Poor you - I'm so glad you have given them up, they sound like gold diggers who only want you for your money. I can't believe you have met three like that who are so mercenary! What do your daughters think of the situation?

[MartinBev58]

I have found the club which my father and myself to belonged to had some members with strange thoughts. I am no longer a member of the club.
My father passed away in December and I was contacted by several members who thought various lady members of the club were far more worthy of being beneficiary's of my fathers estate than me.
I have 2 daughters and 3 granddaughters and maybe a fourth on the way. I was the last boy born in our family.
Yes I am reasonably well off having inherited my fathers house and having the proceeds from the sale of my house in London.
I am however now in discussion with my daughters about paying off the rest of their mortgages and also setting up some sort of fund for my grandaughters and I intend to stay in the house I have inherited.
I am not giving the money my mother and father worked for away to scroungers.

Martin

[MartinBev58]

I forgot to say I am widowed as well and just slightly older.

Martin

[cathfromsaron]

you have lucky escapes!

pls carry on socialising, and eventually you will meet someone who loves you for yourself, and doesn't see your home as their leg up!


(((hugs)))

cath x

[maggiebee]

Stick to your guns Martin - didn't realise just how many gold diggers were out there.

[atalanta]

The answer would be for both parties to any new relationship to sign the equivalent of a prenuptial agreement. This should say that each partner leaves the relationship ( either on death or after a split) with exactly what they brought into it. These assets to be described in full. Any joint property acquired after the start of the relationship to be split down the middle.
Any potential partner who is not prepared to agree to this is not worth considering. Such a person obviously has ulterior motives for starting a new partnership.

[Nascal]

Hi Ann86

I think my daughters were slightly disapointed the relationships were not genuine and the chance of them giving up £100,000 worth of house each is zero.
I can not understand how these women thought I could just tell my daughters to give back property my late wife had willed to them.

Maggiebee

I do not know if I would be one of those men who are not as well off as you as half my house now belongs to my daughters but I will not be trying to take money off women.
I have a decent job and will be retiring in the next few months with a good pension and will have some widows pension as well so I will continue to have a good house to live in, a decent but not large expensive car and I will be spending some money on my daughters / granddaughters.

[starone]

I do not think you could just get the half of your house which belongs to your daughters. It is legally theirs - not yours.

[MartinBev58]

Hi Starbuckone

I owned half of my fathers house until he passed away on the 7th December and I have now inherited it.
Several people thought I would have to hand my part of the house back and leave if he got married.
I was however the legal owner and this would have not been the case.
I did overhear a conversation once where a lady was dating a man who had just lost his wife and she said the daughter was the beneficiary to half the house.
The other lady said if they got married before the house was transferred into the daughters name she would get the half willed to the daughter.
This was not correct.

Martin

[hippyhoppy]

This is outrageous! My mum and dad had a 'joint' will which makes them own half the house each, and when mum popped a couple of years ago her half was secured and can't be touched by anyone (new girlfriend (not gonna happen!!), us kids, care home for fees) until dad popps then we share what's left 5 ways.. if a woman came in demanding mum's side was up for grabs she'd be shown the door with super human speed.... again... Outrageous!!

[MartinBev58]

Hi Hippyhoppy

Read Age Concern Factsheet 38.
By the look of it your fathers half cannot be taken for care home fees as well as long as the house is kept until he passes away as it is a jointly owned property.

Martin