Help... Am I the one with the problem, or my husband?

[sheribee]

Hi everyone, need some help please.
Hubby has depression and anxiety, been unable to work for 5 years almost and his anger issues and ability to cope with stressful situations is getting quite bad.
Now, we are moving house as we need a 3 bed rather than a 2 bed, so this is quite stressful.
I just feel like I'm either a mug or its all in my head coz I feel like I'm left to do everything coz he says he just can't deal with it.
Today, he came in from his garage and lit the fire as its cold, he spilt some coal dust on the carpet, and made me go upstairs to get the Hoover, even tho I was sitting with our 8 month old baby... He did Hoover up but then got me to put the Hoover in the dining room as he had back ache, and was going for a shower, I was again looking after the baby, and had to put said Hoover away BUT he walked right through the place where it goes???
I have many things like this happen and if I question why he wants me to do stuff rather than him he loses his temper with me.
So on this occasion, was he right to ask me to get the Hoover and put it away? Coz I am seriously doubting my sanity here lol
Thanks in advance! Xx

[woofgang]

Its not a qustion of who is right but of how much you are prepared to put up with......

[Stargazer]

Sheri. Sorry to hear that you are coping with this difficult problem. Moving house is extremely stressful especially with a baby and your husband suffering depression and anxiety. The latter disabilitiesare very hard to live with. However, this is a test of the strength of your commitment to your husband who at the moment needs your strength and mature emotional stability. I hope you are able to cope and have family and freidns to support you. It is not his fault although he may be selfish as many people are by nature. Remember when he was happy and carefree? Hopefully he was once. Some men cannot handle responsibility which comes along with marriage, chidren and keeping a roof over your heads. Is he receiving medical attention? Many people suffer from depression and anxiety but it does not make it any easier to be married to one of them. I hope your baby brings you joy and happiness especially when he/she and smiles and holds out his/her arms to you. This time of year is bad for people who feel low in spirit. Hope things take a turn for the better. He will respond more to loving words and gentleness than to complaining and criticism although I did not always practise what I preach when I was young. XXX

[joeluke]

He needs to grow a pair, pull himself together and stop being such a bone idle waster

[boxtops]

JL - that is the classic response from someone who has never been exposed to clinical depression, it is absolutely unhelpful. Being told to pull yourself together is completely lost on a person in the depths of depression - it's even unkind, because they can't see a way out.

Sheri - what happens if you say no? if your husband seeing the GP regularly re medication?

[TTG]

Does he have interests outside of the home? Maybe ask him to join a few hobby related clubs or do some charity work. Helping others can give one a good feeling 'inside' and might help him become work related again. He will also become less stressed and angry. Good luck.