News3 mins ago
Into Heaven
Sister Margaret had been a model nun all her life, but then she was called to her reward.
As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret...not so fast!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath...I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is just the problem," replied St. Peter, "You never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong."
"Well what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished, we will discuss your situation then." ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a joint, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking.
"Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up"
"Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready."
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
"Saint Peter, I feel woozy, that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me, it is all I can do to keep it down."
"Good...good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong" said St. Peter with delight.
"Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the physical sense then call me"
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
"Hello, Pete, it's Sister Maggie, I'm getting into this now...it's gonna be a while!"
As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret...not so fast!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath...I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is just the problem," replied St. Peter, "You never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong."
"Well what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished, we will discuss your situation then." ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a joint, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking.
"Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up"
"Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready."
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
"Saint Peter, I feel woozy, that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me, it is all I can do to keep it down."
"Good...good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong" said St. Peter with delight.
"Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the physical sense then call me"
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
"Hello, Pete, it's Sister Maggie, I'm getting into this now...it's gonna be a while!"
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