Will Starmer Have To Replace Lammy?
News1 min ago
Poets were on special offer in town today.
It was Byron get one free.
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I said to my wife "seeing as it is valentines day lets try something from the karma sutra"....Ok she says "I'll have Chicken Byriani"
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I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city.
It's a Rome ants novel.
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Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble"...?
She said, "I went out this morning and when I came home I found a card saying the postman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"
After apologizing, I got her parcel.
"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"
I asked, "What is it"...?
She replied, "My husband's new hearing aid"
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Tom from a poor family wins five million pounds on the lottery.
He goes home and gives his dad five hundred quid.
The old man looks at the cash and says, "Thanks, son, this money will mean a lot to me. We"ve never had much in this family, we"ve always been poor. You know, I couldn"t even afford to marry your mother."
"What!" exclaims Tom, "you mean I"m.......well.......a ***?"
"Yep," replies his dad, "and a fliping tight one, too."
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Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing.
That'll keep her busy!
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My wife asked me where I was taking her for Valentine's.
Apparently "From behind" was the wrong answer!
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My girlfriend asked me if I'd planned something special for Valentines day.
"I'm working on it", I said and she smiled happily.
Which is weird, because I thought she'd be *** off that I'm having to work!
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Just got 15 Valentines cards!
It's left me completely breathless.
That security guard at Clinton Cards gave quite a chase!
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