Want Some More?

[Rondy]

I've Just had a sage and onion enema.
It's knocked the stuffing out of me.

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Cucumbers are really good for memory............
Someone stuck one up my mates *** 30 years ago and he still remembers it.

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A bloke in the market was shouting "Lamb for sale was a tenner now a fiver"
I thought that's sheep at half the price.

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My wife didn't believe me when I said that I wanted to give our daughter a stupid name.
Until I called her Bluff.

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At school I was often accused of eavesdropping.
I just wish they'd had the guts to say it to my face.

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We've got a stunning blonde who's started working at our office and I heard rumours she wanted to give me one.
Unfortunately, it was out of ten.

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My friend is on this kick and says that drinking beer makes him wiser.
I don't think beer will make my Budweiser.

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Next week is diarrhea awareness week.
Runs until Friday.

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I am thinking of buying a lighthouse.
Nothing too flashy though.

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l asked an elderly bloke why he was using 2 massive frozen chips as walking sticks.
He replied 'They're McCains!'

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Paddy phones and Ad Mag and asks how much it was to advertise in their magazine.
The lady says "50p and inch"
Paddy says: "Oh bejesus I can't afford that."
The lady says: "Why, what are you selling?"
Paddy says: "A 30 foot ladder.

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When I got home yesterday my wife had two of her friends there. "Here he is," she said, "We were thinking of having a foursome if you're up for it." she smiled with a wink.
Two minutes later I appeared naked and waving my chopper in my hand.
They all had tennis rackets in theirs.

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[ponkle]

Brilliant! 

[fourteen85]

some good ones there, 

[Ken4155]

I'll be telling the cucmber one to everyone i meet today. Starting with whoever it is who will be giving me my flu injection😉