How Do I Help?

[rutineli]

I am a grandfather and have a very good lady friend, who is exactly that, a lady and a friend. Although we wre both "single" neither has any interest in the other of a romantic nature, The lady is of comfortable means and has been snared on-line by an internet lothario she has fallen for hook line and sinker. I have been around the block in this world and I know a con when it smacks me in the nose; she does not. From my own point of observation he is very plainly up to no good and telling her packs of lies because he is aware of her vulnerability. Obviously, although a very sensible woman she has no street smarts and is deaf and blind at the moment.
Does anyone know of some sources that describe the activities of such people or experiences of their victims that might be of relevance? I have never met him but I know he is a wrong'un.
All I stand to lose is the well-being of a friend who I value but she has a lifetimes work behind her and to that type she is ripe to be harvested. Her judgement is totally destroyed. Yes I have considered my own motives and reasons for my total suspicion very carefully and I am content that they are not selfish or self-centrered in any way.
What can one do in such a situation? His feet were under the table before I knew about him and she is in love at over 50 which is wonderful if he is genuine but I am very sure he is not.

[natalie_1982]

What a lucky lady to have a friend like you, rutineli.

Out of interest, what is it that makes you so suspiscious of this internet friend?

I would be honest with your friend and tell her that you are concerned that he may not be all he is cracked up to be and that you hope you are wrong, but if you are right you could not live with yourself for not mentioning it.

[Lil O'lady]

Try showing er hese links
http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/11/cyber-l othario.html

http://www.find-a-sweetheart.com/blog/item/the _cyber_lothario_with_a_new_twist/

End of the day, she is your friend so just be there for her when it all blows up.

[rutineli]

Natalie I diod all of that long ago. Suspicon ? Long disappearances very involved reasons and "Secret" government work . Dating on tyhe internet ??? Oh come on?? There is plenty more too, believe me he is on the make.

[Barmaid]

Try posting on www.romancescam.com or www.419eater.com. These guys are going to be the best source of help.

[rutineli]

Barmaid there were more scams on that site than scammers I would not recommend it. You get bombarded with non-stop spam before you can even find anything out

[jen78]

Maybe suggest both of you go through your separate stuff and work out the best ways of protecting yourselves and each other should anything bad happen to either of you, it might come across better in a more general sense?

Has he made any attempt to get any money or possessions from her or things go missing or anything similar or is it just suspicion at this stage?

What lies has he told her and is it substantiated and can it be proven?

To a certain extent she can have some fun and enjoyment but safeguard herself at the same time.

[Ice.Maiden]

Rutineli - I admire your concern for your friend, but if you're as close as you say, then she won't be offended if you speak your mind about this other man. If she refuses to listen, then back off gracefully, and be there to pick up the pieces if necessary.
Whether or not this man's as you say, you can't help your friend's feelings towards him. She has to find out for herself. Tell your friend that you'll always be there for her, and then leave them to it.

[Barmaid]

Well I am a long time member of both sites and, in particular, 419eater.com. Using help and advice from that site I have brought down 4 fake sites, closed 18 fake bank accounts and dealt with 118 dating scammers!!! I don't understand what you mean about their being scams on there, the point of the site is to bring down the scammers!

[Barmaid]

doh, sorry, for their, read there. Pinot moment.

[Bathsheba]

I really do sympathize with you rutineli, but i doubt if there is much that you can do apart from being there for the lady when /if she eventually sees sense. I am in a very similar situation with the 85 yr old guy next door. Long story short- i've found out he has been befriended by a dead-leg he met in a town centre pub, who first of all gained the old chap's trust by taking advantage of his well-known love of animals. This no-mark spun a sob story about not being able to afford to take his sick cat to the vet, so my neighbour lent him the money, which the guy paid back after a couple of weeks. Very smart move there, because as a result he gained the old guy's trust, and has up to date milked him for between 5 and 10 thousand pounds!! And yes- i have told the police, but as my neighbour refuses to make a complaint, there is absolutely nothing the police can do on "3rd party intelligence".
Good luck to you and your friend x

[rutineli]

Ice Maiden and Bathsheba I believe that you have just about got it right thank you all for your hep but I will just have to let what will happen , happen and stand by to pick up the pieces.
The trouble is her lifes work and savings are in danger and although I have no personal interest in her resources I fear for her future well-being.
Of course I have already told her my own opinions/suspicions and she is intelligent enough to harbour doubts but seems blinded by feelings that may be due to her own time of life as well as the man in question.

[Ice.Maiden]

A woman - or man - can be blinded by love at any age, rutineli. I hope your fears are unfounded, but if the pair stay together and he takes ALL her money and possessions, it's entirely up to her own discretion. The woman may be blinded, but I doubt she's stupid.
Whatever happens, stay in contact with her. That way, you'll probably get to know this man better, and perhaps see another side to him.
If it turns out that you were right all along, then your friend's going to need you more than ever. Best of luck.