baby or not?

[gossipgirl]

hi all the other week i posted a thread about my partner not seeming to want to marry me despite us being together a long time and having children together, well after a good long chat about it he said that in time he does see us getting married but i was also shocked to hear that HE wants to have the big traditional wedding whereas i was happy to have a low key event to keep costs down, as he often stated that it was the cost that put him off the idea, however its still not going to happen in the near future as we would have to save, so ive accepted the situation and now know where i stand. Anyway ive now been accepted onto a college course that im really excited about as it will kick start my career, but before all this we had talked about trying for another baby in the next couple of years, however now that this course has come into place im not as into the idea now and besides this course is very intense and requires alot of dedication. I feel like i want to do something for ME now, ive not acheived anything i set out to, like get my degree, learn to drive, get married etc and feel like ive now been given the oppurtunity so i shoul go for it. I want more for myself and my family. Am i being selfish? I feel bad for him because he really wants another baby, i would love to see us get married and for me to have a career before we even think of having another one.

[gossipgirl]

ps i should mention that its him who says we cant have our wedding yet beacuse we cant afford it or i can learn to drive because we cant afford it. Yet we can afford another baby.... makes no sense! Another baby is just going to get in the way of all this wont it? Am i being unreasonable?

[Huderon]

No, you are not being unreasonable, or selfish.

Go for the course you want and put off having another child for a few years yet.

Point out to him that children are expensive to run and that doing the course will give you the chance to bring in more money in the long run - it he's concerned about affordability that argument may help !

[happyone2]

Gossip girl,

I read your last thread as well as this one.................and i think that your husband is very much like my ex.

He wouldnt make love to me because i could get pregnant and then when i was sterlised he couldnt cos i was too fat ( he said !!)

My point being, you cant afford to get married because he wants a big wedding, which you cant afford and if you could he would find another reason not to !!

I think he is controlling, keeping you pregnant keeps you close to him and hes keeping you close with his lies..........................

I wonder if the question you need to ask yourself is...........what do you want ??

When you are old and gray what will you regret ? what will you wish you had done ? and will you be glad he was there with you ??

and think what your very first reaction to those questions were ? not, the next considered response you felt you should make ( if you see what i mean !!)

good luck

[gossipgirl]

i told him that i feel hes trying to control me and he got very hurt by that comment, he says that he is just trying to be realistic, whereas i think hes just being negitive about things. Ive told him ive made up my mind and that i WILL be getting my career on track and that there will be no more children until IVE done what ive acheived what i wanted to. girl power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Huderon]

Well done gossipgirl ! And I hope the course goes well too.

[pizza]

Morning gossipgirl i think it is time to do things for you its not being selfish you have the children you have got , now you have the opportunity to do the course which will start your career providing you with better prospects for the future for all the family x
I hope your partner does support you with your decision if he doesnt he's not the man for you x
I wish you well in all that you do x

[cassa333]

Is he ATUALLY saving any money for the wedding? If not then 1. You know he's probably not serious about it or 2. Start saving yourself.

[gbradfield]

your not being selfish gossipgirl, no one could say your wrong for wanting more for yourself and your family. In your partners defence i will say that getting married is an expensive event and i think its nice that he wants to have the dream wedding for you both as most men would rather do it quickly and on the cheap, plus it would be lovely for your children to be involved with your wedding too. Sit him down and tell him that you want to better yourself and get more money into the household so you can have the big day and save for another baby. If you dont take this oppurtunity you will kick yourself, theres plenty of time for a baby. Only YOU can tell if hes making excuses or not but if he still doesnt see why your doing this then i think you need to think if this is ever going to happen and if he is stringing you along. But by the sounds of things he obviousley loves you to have had 2 kids with you, live with you and want more kids with you. I wish you well gossipgirl