My Doctor Won't Help Me!

[LampShade]

This is a long one, so it's gone on a few posts!! Sorry.

I've been to my doctor a couple of times because I think I'm very depressed. I say 'think' because I can't diagnose myself, that's my doctors job, but my doctor hasn't diagnosed me with anything. Infact, hasn't even helped me.

I went once before Xmas, and told the doctor about my issues...I told her I don't go out much because I don't feel confident enough to be seen by people or interact with people, I'd lost a lot of weight because I wasn't eating properly, I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't get a job because I didn't feel confident enough to meet new people, and my self esteem was almost non-existant. And I had a feeling this was due to the fact that I had been severely bullied when I was growing up, and it has knocked my confidence 100ft into the ground. Her advice was to take small steps, start by getting up and leaving the house to get the paper of a morning, after some time progress to leaving the house to go the park or do some activities and gradually get out of the house more.

I didn't say this to the doctor, but I'm not totally stupid, and if I felt comfortable enough to do those things I would have done them by now. So I more or less came out of the surgery with no help whatsoever.

[LampShade]

Part 2

 

My situation hasn't got any better since then, so I made another appointment. I have just got back. This time I didn't as comfortable going to the doctor, and I'd cancelled two appointments before going today. In the waiting room I felt sick and nervous because I knew I was going to have to be honest and open myself up to the doctor and talk about the things that have upset me and made me uncomfortable in the past. I told the doc that it was preventing me from getting a job, I couldn't get any benefits because I didn't want to leave the house to go and sign on at the dole. And to claim sick benefit I'd have to be diagnosed with something. And this isn't even the issue, because given the choice I'd so rather get help which would allow me to get a job and earn a living. I want a normal life so much, I want to get up and go to work and have friends. Because I don't have any friends.

When I was called in there was the doctor and a student doctor was sitting in, which made me feel more uncomfortable, I don't know why. Anyway, I told the doctor how I feel and how it's affecting my life. I can't get a job because of it, so I have no regular income, I don't have much quality of life, the only people I see on a regular basis are my family and the postman when I answer the door to sign for a parcel etc. I also told the doctor that I am going to university in September and if I don't get help as soon as possible I'm worried that I'm gonna chicken out of university...and going to uni is the only thing keeping me going at the moment. I told the doc all about how badly I'd been bullied growing up, that bullies would call me names, beat me up, put things in my food, steal my things, wreck my clothes and uniform, throw my school work away, make me scared to go into school or leave the house etc. It was bad.

[LampShade]

Part 3

The doctor told me I should have counselling. I was told that they have their own counsellors at the surgery, but I wouldn't be allowed to be referred to them because they have an 8-month waiting list. I'm going to university in 7 months! The doc gave me the Samaritans phone number. Didn't diagnose me with anything. I didn't want to disrespect the doctor, so I didn't mention the fact that talking to the Samaritans isn't really gonna help the fact that I've lost a lot of weight because I'm not eating etc.

I had to pluck up so much courage to go there because I knew that I was going to have to talk about everything that upsets me. And after telling my doctor things that I'd never told anybody else, I felt stupid and embarrassed when I left with nothing but a phone number. I felt annoyed and patronized.

What should I do because I understand that I have to do some things myself, but I really need help for this because I can't see it getting any better if I don't get help. And I seriously don't want to give up on my goal of going to university.

What should I do? Please?

[Goddess]

I'm not a Dr so I won't try a diagnosis, but I think you do need to get some sort of help.  Are there any other Dr's at the Surgery you could go and see to get a 2nd opinion?  Have you tried any other forms of assistance?  Try to find out if you have any Homeopathic practitioners in your area.  Or check out the Bach Remedies and Homeopathic remedies which are on sale at Boots and Health Food Stores.  They can be much better than prescribed medicines as they are not addictive.

[Hgrove]

If you are going to University you could enquire about counselling there; some universities offer this service to their students.

[bad11thebone]

 

Sounds like U do need some sort of help but in my own opinion and im sure this will upset a lot of people but what the hell, going to a 'trained' counselling is not the answer I believe these people do not help and just interested in other peoples misfortunes.  U say u see ur family, is there a mum/dad, brother/sister who u can talk too in confidence im sure they wont mind and would give u all the support u need to help u and maybe if your brother or sister has any friends then they could introduce them to you.  It will take time but im sure you will get there without the help of counsellors/doctors etc. they get paid to just say some meaningless stuff to you that there not really bothered about.

Good luck let us know how u get on.

 



 

[teen]

Little steps do help if you can give yourself credit for making them.  When I was very depressed part of the symptoms were the feelings of inadequacy at not acheiving.  If your doctor can't refer you try the Trisha website for agencies offering suppport such for depression and/or abuse.  good luck

[RevShirls]

Is there anything in particular that triggered this, LampShade or does it just seem like something that crept up on you gradually? I don't mean the bullying in the past, but rather something recently that caused you to remember it all or something recently that has really got you down. Are you worried (in general) or apprehensive about going to university? Sorry - so many questions!

I'm sorry that you've had this experience with the doctor. Although some doctor's can be great, others are not so good in this area and are often limited by time as well as expertise in this area. A few years ago I got frustrated by my doctor and asked to be referred to a psychologist (some of my neuro-receptors were damaged due to drugs I was given when I was on a ventilator with a life-threatening illness). The psychologist helped me so much. Incidentally, I am now married to a psychologist (not the same one, though) :)

[AB Editor]

For all medical questions, we strongly advise you to seek professional advice from your doctor or a healthcare professional.  Please do not rely on, or wait for, advice from Answerbank users.

[DrPhil]

Your Dr has a duty of care to immediately refer you to a psychiatric unit, by - passing any waiting lists, as you sound really desperate. This Dr is failing you badly. Change Dr's immediately, contact mind as InAPickle suggests. You could always print out your AB question and take it to the Dr - or post it. There is help out there and your Dr is being extremely negligent - you have my sympathy, you really do!

[jcherbstritt]

Lampshade,

Sounds to me like you have a sort of people phobia.  You can deal with it, like has been suggested by doing things one step at a time - but it takes a Long time and you have to be determined.  This is really the only way to deal with it.  I have an excellent book on phobias - from spider phobias, to people phobias to obsessive compulsive disorder.  It is a very practical book and tells you how you can 'cure' yourself step by step.  You can order it from the net.  It shows you the procedures.  About the bullying, which is obviously a related issue - you need to go and see a councillor.  They will be much better at listening to you than a doctor.  Only problem is they are quite expensive.  In Britain they cost around �30 per hour (Idon't know where you're from).  Some doctors will refer you, but there will be a long waiting list.  Alternatively, if you go to uni - they will have free student counciling.  That is the best way to deal with this, believe me.  A bit of councilling and step by step dealing with your fears even though it's really scarey.  I will find out the name of the book for you.  good Luck!

[Bottom]

Hi Lamp Shade I suffer from Panic Attacks its sound like they are very simliar, My Panic Attacks have stopped me going on holidays, going out to partys really silly things. The best advice I can is that I have had counciling and it made me feel better about myself and finding out what the course is.

It has took me a long time to get to know myself again and my threoy is "If you dont love yourself, No one else will " But thats what I belive everyones different.

 Your doctors advice is right in some ways, doing things step by step is the best way, After a Panic attack (a bad one) It takes me a month to get back to normal.

I really wish you good luck,

[Bottom]

Hi me again, you can try this:

Every Morning get up get dressed put some make on, look in the mirror and tell yourself what you want to today or with your life, and set little targets for yourself, like "Today I am going to go to the shop and get a paper" Then the next day do alittle bit more. I find it hard to go in a shopping centre but I tell meself "Every Thing Is Alright You Can Do This" half the time I feel like am goona passout but I igrone it and carry on! I hope this helps you or perhaps I am just Mad!!

[jcherbstritt]

Hi again.  The book is called Living with Fear by Isaac Marks and someone else.  You can buy if from Amazon on the web, and here is a link to someone else selling it: http://www.donfer.co.uk/d-commerce/product532.html It really is excellent for both giving you case studies - so you don't feel like you're the only one suffering in this way, and also by giving you practical step-by-step things you should do.  Really, you should go and buy it!

[jcherbstritt]

Hi, I just tried to post you an answer but it wouldn't let me.  The book I was on about is called Living with Fear by Isaac Marks and someone else.  You can buy it on the web from Amazon and here is another link: http://www.donfer.co.uk/d-commerce/product532.html It is really good both for giving you case studies - so you don't feel you're the only one feeling like you do, and for offering practical, step-by-step advice.  I really would recomment it!

[jcherbstritt]

Hi, okay this is the 3rd time I try and send it.  Maybe I'll try it without the web link.  The book I was on about is called Living with Fear by Isaac Marks.  It is excellent both because it gives case studies - which assures you that you are not the only person to have felt how you feel - and in giving practical steps you can take.  You can buy it from Amazon, and other places on the web.  If you can't find it, I can give you a web link.  I really would recommend it!

[crisgal]

it definately sounds like depression - which can manifester itself in different ways. I've been a sufferer for years and I truly empathise with what you said about cancelling appointments - it took me two years to get there. I've been on non-addictive medication on and off for about 9 years. There are no side effects and I don't care if I have to stay on them for the rest of me natural! I love 'em!

I hope you manage to change your doctor though - sounds like a right pratt!  Good luck!

[lucyshandbag]

i understand how hard this must be for you, but you must keep remembering, you are a good person who deserves a happy life.  i'm sure if you could just get past the first few times of going out, meet new friends and have some fun, you would look back and feel so proud of yourself for what you have achieved and what you have left behind.  sometimes the anticipation of something is much worse than the actual event.  hold your head up high and remember, you are a great person who will lead a great life, you decide your fate.xxxxxxxxxxx