Sibling rivalry

[tillyh345]

I have two sons 28 and 22, the 28 year old has been through a lot since he was in his teens, all brought on by himself and for that reason has lived with us on and off.... therefore the 22 year old had our undivided attention and I must add has been a model child/teenager and now adult, he really has been my rock at times, but now the problem is, my eldest son has sorted himself out and now visits us regularly, but my youngest gets very sulky and usually goes off to his room. Now I know he has been through a lot together with us due to the eldest sons behaviour but I am surprised by this behaviour as normally he is very mature beyond his years. Has anyone had any experience of this or any advice. Thank you in advance.

[mike11111]

I think it is his maturity which takes him off to his room in order not to upset others with the resentment he naturally feels. The parable of the Lost Son springs to mind - the message is forgiveness over resentment and jealousy but not always easy to do in the human psyche.

[woofgang]

Keep showing your younger son how much you love and value him..tell him every day if you need to.

[tillyh345]

Thank you

woofgang I do all the time....

mike11111 Yes youre right .... hopefully he will forgive him with time, they are chalk and cheese anyway, but I would like to think they can at least be civil to one another.

[woofgang]

leaving the room is probably what keeps him civil....

[tillyh345]

I love them both and now the nightmare appears to be over, I would like some normality as a family. Im not asking him to forgive but just try for my sake. Im sure it will get better, but just wanted to know what others thought?

[ummmm]

What does your younger son say about it?

[karenmac60]

The thing is, your younger soon is an adult now, and he probably has a lot of ill feelings towards his brother for putting the 2 of you through everything. I think it's much less likely to be an issue of jealousy, and more that he feels defensive of both of you. I know I have had issues with my older sister from time to time over the way she speaks to/treats my dad - and that from my point of view, it is something that will always make me angry - if anyone treats my parents badly. If your son can't ignore the fact that he feels this way then he is better to remove himself from the situation and not have you and your husband feel you have to choose between them.

[mike11111]

I sincerely hope it works out for you and the family. Unfortunately this is not an age thing; I am 61 and have been estranged from my brother, 57, to whom I was previously very close and looked after him when he was very young, for more than 30 years. As I have never been married, although I know I have a brother and three nephews (but don't know now where they live), whenever I go into hospital or for treatment, I have to answer 'No known living relatives' to the ' next-of-kin' question. I trust that your problem will have an happier ending.

[zzxxee]

just tell him hes 22 not 12 and needs to grow up !! x

[ummmm]

It's not as easy as that zzxxee...!!

If my siblings spent years hurting my parents I wouldn't welcome them with open arms. It looks as though your youngest son is wary and protective of you. His brother needs to earn his trust back.

[zzxxee]

i understand that he has been protective of his mum ect but if he could rise above all the problems in the past then he should be able to do so now especially at the age of 22 x

[ummmm]

You can't just rise above problems from the past. They are etched in your mind. People who have hurt you have to prove themselves for you to be able to move on. He's not doing anything but leaving the room. He probably has no respect for his brother and is avoiding causing an atmosphere by going to his room. You can't knock him for that. In time, if his brother has changed, he'll probably come round...slowly. That's human nature.

Do you instantly forgive people? I certainly don't...

[zzxxee]

yes if they are trying as he brother seems to be making an effort he should try at least to give me a chance and meet him halfway

[zzxxee]

*his

[zzxxee]

*give him a chance
(god my spelling is crap today trying to multi task x)

[ummmm]

I would say going to his room and not giving his brother a piece of his mind is meeting him halfway.

[zzxxee]

its not just a question og going to his room though, the poster says he is sulky with it

[zzxxee]

*of my keyboard grrrrrrrrrrr

[ummmm]

He's hardly going to skip to his room is he...?

[zzxxee]

its just my opinion that
you dont solve problems by hiding away hes 22, a bit to old to be stomping off to his room imo