Relationship Help Pleeeease!! Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

[escapologist]

Hi all, just wanted to rant about my current situation and opinions would be much appreciated. I've been with a guy for about 3 years. We live together and I love him, but I can't get over things that happened 2 years ago. Basically I moved to another city with him to find out he had been messaging his ex saying he's not over her and was planning to meet up with her. Not just that but I found out he had a few profiles online looking for casual relationships. Ive tried to get over it but I think about it every day. He doesn't tell me he loves me and I get the impression he doesn't like me near him most of the time. My family are really disappointed on me for "wasting my time" with him. I'm absolutely terrified to make the decision though. He doesn't work and he's an alcoholic and I feel guilty if I end it and tell him to leave. ALSO. I have a guy friend who I've known a long time. Recently he's made clear that he has strong feelings for me. We have met up for meals a few times and I can't explain how he makes me feel. I feel guilty for feeling like this but can't stop thinking about how happy I would be with him instead. The guilt is killing me but the guilt of leaving my boyfriend hurts too. I don't know what to do but any advice would be amazing. Thanks

[EcclesCake]

What does your boyfriend do to make your heart sing and for you want to be with him for ever and a day?

[Retrochic]

leave your current relationship which sounds as if its run its course. don't hop straight into the arms of your new guy friend, become single and independent first, get used to living on your own and keep your new relationship casual.

[Prudie]

Just read what you've written - it's obvious what you should do. There is no reason to feel guilty about leaving a guy whose commitment looks dodgy. You only have one life.

[maggiebee]

So you want to waste your life on an alcoholic who doesn't have a job, looks for casual relationships on the net and wants to meet up with his ex? Plus he doesn't like you near him most of the time?? Some relationship that is. Pack your bags and get out!

[kvalidir]

People need to show a certain level of commitment to you to take them seriously- living together is not enough because that can just be convenient. Does he make an effort to make you happy, does he consider your wants and needs, if not then I personally would end it. It may or may not be a good idea to have a relationship with your friend but I too would leave it a while so you can get your bearings.

[jakep]

Is your live-in partner your friend? Do you share stuff? Do you talk and laugh together? If something happens is he the first person you want to tell?
From your post I guess not. As others have said, you only live once and life goes really fast.
Get him out and be by yourself for a while. Take it slowly with your new friend.
Easy for us all to say but ABs are all in agreement here.
Guilt needs to go. Good luck.

[escapologist]

He says about getting married and having kids but if he wasn't with me he says he wouldn't bother with all that (he's a lot older than me) makes me feel like I'm robbing him of it. Also feel bad for still mentioning something that went on 2 years ago and I chose to stay. I think I'm just too soft but it seems like the hardest decision to make.

[boxtops]

I wouldn't stay someone who treats you so casually, and who appears to have very little future for you. You can't stay with someone because you don't know what would happen to their life if you weren't there. Sometimes you have to be selfish and think of YOU. It's your future.

[pusskin]

I hope you get the courage to chuck him over.
He doesnt seem to love or respect you. Dump him soon as poss.

[murraymints]

No contest..cut loose..sooner rather than later...things will only degenerate and you will lose confidence and self esteem,take big breaths and walk....into a new and better life..but don't jump into another commitment ..give yourself space and time to be you and make plans..Good luck xx

[Canary42]

At the risk of being criticised by other ABers (it's happened before), DUMP HIM.

[Baby_Sham]

Hate to sound harsh, but get out of there whilst you can.
Three years is a long time, but thank your lucky stars you don't have children, and it's fairly easy to 'escape'.

I speak from experience here, if he's doing this now, the chat profiles thing, he will continue to do it time and time again, he'll just get better at hiding it from you once you confront him.

I don't really want to comment on the 'guy friend' bit as, in my experience, the grass isn't always greener, but, you have to get out of this relationship first, then decide what it is you want.

Good luck :-) xx

[askyourgran]

As Baby-Cham says ^^ don't get trapped further by having his children. Cut loose now.

[woofgang]

ha ha canary, are you me?

[welshlibranr]

why are you still there?.......it's obvious, leave asap!........simple!

[anneasquith]

im amazed you have to ask for advice re this relationship.... sorry.

[Cloverjo]

For what it's worth, I agree with everyone else. This doesn't sound like much of a relationship. Don't feel guilty. Leave him now. Spend a bit of time with friends or alone before starting anything with the other guy.

[whirlyhurly]

Well you are not happy, therefore you should GO.

[vernonk]

Curious to know: how old are you and how old is he?