Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat" I just say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me.
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've travelled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tyres with air,
And friends who care.
Here's a bit of natter and nonsense for you, Maggie. I was so distracted reading your post, i forgot to switch to local radio at 12 and Jeremy Vine sneaked into my home!
"Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs""
i still don't get it?
if you put bedn and obs together you get bednobs.
Standards of living, they say, they're rising
But "Home, Sweet Home" is only a saying
From bedknobs to rusty taps
It's not an apartment
The cottage is pretty - the main AB house a palace
Their cottage bedroom perfection;
what goes on - what to do there?
Better pray there're not rising
As bednobs is on here.