unhealthy relationships

[monkhousebob]

my friend is a quite really well natured caring man, he is the kind of guy who does anything for anyone and is so selfless its untrue, he recently had his first serious relationship, and to be honest none of us liked his girlfriend, she was a bad influence and was very controlling / manipulative.

Anyway to cut a long story short one day he said to me that he had done a couple of things that he was really ashamed of and that he could barely live with himself for doing these uncharacteristic things and hated what he had become.

He never cheated or even thought about it, but she was so possessive and wouldnt let him go out with his mates without kicking up a fuss

He said that she had ground his esteem down so badly and that she had punched him and scratched his face and neck, luckily he wasnt scarred although the marks did last a while, he said he finally gave in and lost it with her, spat back at her after she spat in his face

and also struggled with her physically, never actually hitting her but more restraining himself from being attacked......this was towards the end of the relationship and before then everything had been apparently fine.

what would be peoples view of my friend? i mean to me and to everyone else hes such a decent guy, but is there only so much anybody can take? he was really pushed and although his actions are really out of character it makes me think anybody can do anything....he was even given a right good hiding by the girls brother, because she told him he had hit her, when all he had done was refuse to hug her as he was sleeeping ! the girl and the brother were into drugs, i just hope really that a guy like this wouldnt be frowned upon as from my perspective hes a nice guy and for him to do such things he must have been really heavily provoked although thats no excuse

I am worried aswell he may not ever find happiness as he settles for less than he

[monkhousebob]

ahhh that was it, he said that he spat in her face because she had said she hoped his gran who was diagnosed with breast cancer would hurry up and die

[Ice.Maiden]

Can't justify anyone getting rough with a woman,but the best thing he could've done've been to just walk away for good. One day he'll meet a decent woman who'll appreciate all that he has to offer.

[cassa333]

I believe anyone can be brought to the brink of doing something so out of characture that they end up the opposite of themselves.

Icemaiden, do you mean you can't justify anyone being roughed up or women in particular? Women who want equality and bully like a man can, in my oppinion, be treated like one.

Although I agree he should of got out of the relationship sooner how long do women take to get out of abusive relationships? How many lashout out of fear and self loathing at what they have become?

If a woman lashes out at an abusive partner she is doing it out of self defence if a man does the same he is vilified and regardless of what she has done it would appear she can say what she likes and get believed.

Have you ever seen a pack of baying animals on a (not particuly saturday) night out. Abusive to anyone and everyone? Fighting because they want to, because they can but mostly because they are women and can palm a lot of their behaviour off as someone elses fault.

A bully is a bully regardless of them being a man or woman.

Sorry to waffle on so much but it makes my blood boil when people say women deserve to be treated differently just because they are women.

[4getmenot]

totally agree with cassa. I have a mate that gets beaten by HIS boyfriend. But he doesnt do anything back. I admire him for that but also would be totally on his side if he turned round and smacked him back

[bms]

Cassa said it all.